(Written by ChristopherK2 6/22/11 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
Zeeke and Vomit have recently gone on a serious whinefest on their blogs about me holding the bolt in the Over 35 room. They even incorporated lots of cutesy drawings, including my fav caricature of me by SexySplder.
But their articles are built on a common LIE... that me holding the bolt is somehow connected to them starting a new room. It's not. I'm sure they both know that I do not (unlike Zeeke) bolt room regulars nor do I (as Zeeke blogged) "censor" anyone. Many of the regulars in their room have been chatting in the Over 35 room without incident since I've had the bolt, including Perky, Alan, Dee, Cindy, Mafia, Pantry, Feefers, Jazzys, and even Vomit himself (with whom I recently had a pleasant chat).
If they (or anyone) want to be in their own room because they don't like me and/or Bonnie and/or anyone else, they could've easily done that at any time BEFORE I got the bolt. My ownership of the bolt is meaningless per se, except that the room no longer gets infected with bots, trollers, etc.
And Zeeke did his usual dance... complaining in one post that I was being too nice to Vomit on Vomit's blog, and doing a 180 on the next post, claiming I was trying to "thwart the efforts of the new blogger at everyturn." ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz Doesn't he ever get tired of that intellectual whiplash?
As to Vomit's new blog, it's often amusing and I've complimented him on it (contrary to Zeeke's recent whining). Vomit's even characterized me as a "fan." I've told him, however, that doing a bash & run of me wasn't especially cool.
So, if you guys want to stay in your room for whatever reason, fine with me. I enjoy the Over 35 room as it is, and as I have for almost 15 years. But please DO accept responsibility for YOUR decisions, and don't use ME as a straw man to shift the blame. Only Zombies will buy your LIES and weak logic. Which was probably your target audience anyway...
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
"Chicks Dig It"
(Written 6/17/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
I *try* to smoke all of my cigarettes out on my patio. I do this not because I dislike the smell but because others tell me it makes my house stink.
But I'm not batting 1.000. A cigarette seems right when taking a nice dump. And it's hard to go without one for as long as it takes to shave, shower, and dress. And after waking, I can't wait thru getting dressed (especially since I started using compression socks... ugghh), etc., for that first one of the day. And then there's... I think y'all get the picture.
So, I probably smoke about five cigarettes a day in my bathroom, with the exhaust fan running during and for about 10 minutes after.
I had been using some neutral-scented air freshener (Lysol? I forget.), but it recently ran out. While shopping at the store for a replacement, I noticed that nearly all of the current brands have... ummm... chick scents. There is NO "Eau de Budweiser," "Hamburger Sizzling on a Grill," or even "3-Day Old Sweat." Phooey!
Left to pick from all the Chick Scents, I remembered back to a chat with a Hot Babe cashier at a car wash in Phoenix, AZ. She said I *should* have a scent thing hanging from my mirror; the favorite scent among Hot Babes like her was, oddly enough, Vanilla; and, we're having a Special on it TODAY ONLY for JUST $10. Like ANY guy, I would've bought Eau de Brussels Sprouts if SHE had recommended it.
Naturally, I then searched for a vanilla-scented air freshener. There weren't any that were *just* vanilla. Yeah, let's NOT make it easy on the Buyer. So I settled for Febreze's "Lavender, Vanilla & Comfort." Lavender I like. What's "Comfort"??? I have no idea, but I'm sure it's absolutely splendid. Why else would Febreze stick it in there?
About now, I'm sure you're wondering: why is Christopher torturing himself over bathroom air fresheners? That automatically means you're a Chick. Any Guy would know. We do this on the off chance that Angelina Jolie will knock on our door asking to use our bathroom. And somehow she'll be soooooooooo impressed with our bathroom odor that she'll want to have sex with us, and right NOW. D'oh!
Sooooo, five times a day I'm saturating my bathroom with the lovely smells of lavender, vanilla, and juniper. Juniper? Yes, that's what Febreze's web site says the "Comfort" scent is. Ya'right... not to THIS gardener. A juniper is a boring evergreen tree/shrub that when cut smells like, well... sap. Alrighty then...
In my totally uneducated olfactory view, the Fabreze, cig smoke, and other normal bathroom odors have combined to make my bathroom smell like a French Whore. Few Guys really know what a French Whore smells like. The rest of us just use the term to describe what a woman smells like who uses waaaaaaaaaaay too much cheapass toilet water bought in the handy gallon bottle with a hand pump. Oh, and our grandmothers.
Worse, I haven't yet figured out how to avoid getting drenched by the bazillion droplets that invade the bathroom every time I use that "sweeping motion" to spray "throughout the entire room." (I'm German. I follow directions *exactly*.) I've tried bobbing and weaving, backing out of the room while spraying, and covering myself in a bath towel. No luck. Now, of course, *I* smell like a French Whore for most of the day.
Given my usual luck with women, Angelina Jolie WILL stop by next week and WILL ask to use my bathroom. When she comes out, however, she'll say, "I *hate* that 'Comfort' odor. It smells like frickin' SAP. I HATE Sap. It reminds me of the rain forests we're killing off EVERY DAY. If you had used just Vanilla, I would've come out of the bathroom in my sexiest lingerie and high heels and said, 'Do me NOW, Big Boy'."
Oh well... maybe Jennifer Aniston loves the smell of sap...
I *try* to smoke all of my cigarettes out on my patio. I do this not because I dislike the smell but because others tell me it makes my house stink.
But I'm not batting 1.000. A cigarette seems right when taking a nice dump. And it's hard to go without one for as long as it takes to shave, shower, and dress. And after waking, I can't wait thru getting dressed (especially since I started using compression socks... ugghh), etc., for that first one of the day. And then there's... I think y'all get the picture.
So, I probably smoke about five cigarettes a day in my bathroom, with the exhaust fan running during and for about 10 minutes after.
I had been using some neutral-scented air freshener (Lysol? I forget.), but it recently ran out. While shopping at the store for a replacement, I noticed that nearly all of the current brands have... ummm... chick scents. There is NO "Eau de Budweiser," "Hamburger Sizzling on a Grill," or even "3-Day Old Sweat." Phooey!
Left to pick from all the Chick Scents, I remembered back to a chat with a Hot Babe cashier at a car wash in Phoenix, AZ. She said I *should* have a scent thing hanging from my mirror; the favorite scent among Hot Babes like her was, oddly enough, Vanilla; and, we're having a Special on it TODAY ONLY for JUST $10. Like ANY guy, I would've bought Eau de Brussels Sprouts if SHE had recommended it.
Naturally, I then searched for a vanilla-scented air freshener. There weren't any that were *just* vanilla. Yeah, let's NOT make it easy on the Buyer. So I settled for Febreze's "Lavender, Vanilla & Comfort." Lavender I like. What's "Comfort"??? I have no idea, but I'm sure it's absolutely splendid. Why else would Febreze stick it in there?
About now, I'm sure you're wondering: why is Christopher torturing himself over bathroom air fresheners? That automatically means you're a Chick. Any Guy would know. We do this on the off chance that Angelina Jolie will knock on our door asking to use our bathroom. And somehow she'll be soooooooooo impressed with our bathroom odor that she'll want to have sex with us, and right NOW. D'oh!
Sooooo, five times a day I'm saturating my bathroom with the lovely smells of lavender, vanilla, and juniper. Juniper? Yes, that's what Febreze's web site says the "Comfort" scent is. Ya'right... not to THIS gardener. A juniper is a boring evergreen tree/shrub that when cut smells like, well... sap. Alrighty then...
In my totally uneducated olfactory view, the Fabreze, cig smoke, and other normal bathroom odors have combined to make my bathroom smell like a French Whore. Few Guys really know what a French Whore smells like. The rest of us just use the term to describe what a woman smells like who uses waaaaaaaaaaay too much cheapass toilet water bought in the handy gallon bottle with a hand pump. Oh, and our grandmothers.
Worse, I haven't yet figured out how to avoid getting drenched by the bazillion droplets that invade the bathroom every time I use that "sweeping motion" to spray "throughout the entire room." (I'm German. I follow directions *exactly*.) I've tried bobbing and weaving, backing out of the room while spraying, and covering myself in a bath towel. No luck. Now, of course, *I* smell like a French Whore for most of the day.
Given my usual luck with women, Angelina Jolie WILL stop by next week and WILL ask to use my bathroom. When she comes out, however, she'll say, "I *hate* that 'Comfort' odor. It smells like frickin' SAP. I HATE Sap. It reminds me of the rain forests we're killing off EVERY DAY. If you had used just Vanilla, I would've come out of the bathroom in my sexiest lingerie and high heels and said, 'Do me NOW, Big Boy'."
Oh well... maybe Jennifer Aniston loves the smell of sap...
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Instructions for Cindy
I was asked by an old friend of yours to post these instructions.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jh9lUakyPKE
Shave! If you can't reach it get a close friend to.
Douche. It could be internal not external.
If it still smells, go see a doctor it could be an infection.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jh9lUakyPKE
Shave! If you can't reach it get a close friend to.
Douche. It could be internal not external.
If it still smells, go see a doctor it could be an infection.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
"Welcome to Blog World, Vomit"
(Written 6/14/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)Didn't Vomit often used to say, "Anyone who has a blog is a Loser"? Well, now he be one!
And who knew that he could actually write things that vaguely look like whole paragraphs?
But one tip, Vomit: when your Zombie Master publicizes your blog one day and adds that "I'll keep the mystery blogger a secret," it probably wasn't a good idea to open your blog the next day with your SN splattered all over it. << chuckle, chuckle >> It just adds to the general impression that he's slowly losing control over Zombie World.
I also seem to recall you regularly commenting negatively on my pics. (Or maybe that was the Zombie from Florida whateverhissnis. Sorry if I've confused you two... quite understandable, though. Two peas in a bigoted, ugly, stupid, negative pod, so to speak...) And I see that you included your pic on your blog. I'm a very
nice guy and would never say anything negative about your appearance. So let's just leave it at neither of us looks like Brad Pitt. But at least one of us always looks sober in his pics...As to your personal advice to me to "GET OUT AND MEET PEOPLE," I was glad to see that you expanded on Ham's and Cindy's utterly stupid comments to an avid gardener that I should get outside more for some fresh air and sunshine. << snort >> But coming from someone who (1) now writes what, 5?, articles a day for his blog, (2) yammers in the chat room for several hours a day, and (3) gets "piss drunk" on the weekends, WTF exactly are YOU to give ANYONE social advice? And when you've met about 500 AOLers among thousands of others, give me a holler.
Personally, I think you're still just pissed at me for repeatedly pointing out what a frickin' ugly racist you are. That NWordVomit nickname I gave you stung, huh? Oh well, boo frickin' hoo.
As to your genuinely clueless comment about your perception of my negativity here, let's see you post some original poetry or fiction on your blog, then we'll talk. Or nice pics of pretty flowers? Articles about interesting events in your life? Anything other than your pale imitation of Zeeke's relentless, disgusting, and boring ugliness would be a nice change of pace for you.
BTW, I loved your disclaimer that you NEVER EVER read this blog, except of course, "JUST TODAY THO, AFTER SOMEONE SENT ME THE LINK." As your Zombie Master often says, "That's some funny shit right there."
Saturday, June 11, 2011
How's the new look?
We at Ugly Marylanders decided a new look was needed. Let us know your thoughts.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
"Ann Coulter Trashes Zeeke and the Zombies"
(Written 6/9/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders blog)
For those of you not familiar with Ann Coulter, she's the blond bombshell/ super-intelligent lawyer/ and right wing, fire-breathing, award-winning columnist, author, speaker, and tv commentator. Some of her trashing of liberals and others who cross her has been legendary.
I recently sent her some materials about Zeeke and the Zombies and she decided they were worthy of a column. She said she'd have to disguise them as liberals because, frankly, no one gives a crap about Zeeke and the Zombies outside of a small, meaningless corner of AOL.
Her initial summary of Zeeke and the Zombies was, "(they) have all the earmarks of mob psychology. Their myths, slogans, demands for immediate action, messianic goals, demonization of opponents... and occasional resorts to violence--all this is classic herd behavior."
Shades of Mensa, sure, but oh so familiar to anyone who has watched Zeeke and the Zombies in action in the chat room. The endless threats of violence, especially, by Zeeke and several of the male Zombies apparently greatly affected Ann. And their widespread use of ugly nicknames such as "Ol Faggy" and "Cocksuckingjewfagbitch" surely offended her keen intellect and sensibilities.
She went on to note that, "(Zombies) are irrational, immature, subject to wild passions and infatuations, they cannot be reasoned with. And they are always dangerous."
The lady knows how to zero in on a target, doesn't she?
She heated up with, "The mob attributes of (Zombies)... are a crowd's inability to perceive contradictions and its tendency to form an infatuation for an individual."
I guess she must've noticed the many times Zeeke and the Zombies tell others what to do that they themselves are unwilling to do, etc., or the toll their behavior has taken on the room over the last couple of years. And, gee, those pics of the Zombies with the "I Love Zeeke" tats no doubt caught her eye.
She next mentioned a quote from Gustave Le Bon that, "the convictions of (Zombies) assume those characteristics of blind submission, fierce intolerance, and the need of violent propaganda which are inherent in the religious sentiment."
[Don't you love people who can quote a French psychologist/socialist who died almost 80 years ago? Like I said, she's a super-intelligent and educated woman.]
Gee... blind submission by the Zombies? Check. Fierce intolerance? Check! Violent propaganda? Check!!! If he wasn't already long dead, I'd have to assume that ol Gustave was watching Zeeke and the Zombies on a widget.
Ann, of course, had a fine ending summary of what ails Zeeke and the Zombies: "Perhaps if they believed in a real God, (Zombies) wouldn't have to keep creating an endless stream of human gods." So, she essentially agrees with me; Zeeke isn't a god. He's just another Idiot!
Oh, and Ann's new book is, "Demonic: How the Liberal Mob Is Endangering America."
I'm sure it will be her *eighth* straight to make the NY Times Best Seller List. Its working title was, "How Zeeke and the Zombie Mob is Killing the Chat Room." (chuckle, chuckle)
For those of you not familiar with Ann Coulter, she's the blond bombshell/ super-intelligent lawyer/ and right wing, fire-breathing, award-winning columnist, author, speaker, and tv commentator. Some of her trashing of liberals and others who cross her has been legendary.
I recently sent her some materials about Zeeke and the Zombies and she decided they were worthy of a column. She said she'd have to disguise them as liberals because, frankly, no one gives a crap about Zeeke and the Zombies outside of a small, meaningless corner of AOL.
Her initial summary of Zeeke and the Zombies was, "(they) have all the earmarks of mob psychology. Their myths, slogans, demands for immediate action, messianic goals, demonization of opponents... and occasional resorts to violence--all this is classic herd behavior."
Shades of Mensa, sure, but oh so familiar to anyone who has watched Zeeke and the Zombies in action in the chat room. The endless threats of violence, especially, by Zeeke and several of the male Zombies apparently greatly affected Ann. And their widespread use of ugly nicknames such as "Ol Faggy" and "Cocksuckingjewfagbitch" surely offended her keen intellect and sensibilities.
She went on to note that, "(Zombies) are irrational, immature, subject to wild passions and infatuations, they cannot be reasoned with. And they are always dangerous."
The lady knows how to zero in on a target, doesn't she?
She heated up with, "The mob attributes of (Zombies)... are a crowd's inability to perceive contradictions and its tendency to form an infatuation for an individual."
I guess she must've noticed the many times Zeeke and the Zombies tell others what to do that they themselves are unwilling to do, etc., or the toll their behavior has taken on the room over the last couple of years. And, gee, those pics of the Zombies with the "I Love Zeeke" tats no doubt caught her eye.
She next mentioned a quote from Gustave Le Bon that, "the convictions of (Zombies) assume those characteristics of blind submission, fierce intolerance, and the need of violent propaganda which are inherent in the religious sentiment."
[Don't you love people who can quote a French psychologist/socialist who died almost 80 years ago? Like I said, she's a super-intelligent and educated woman.]
Gee... blind submission by the Zombies? Check. Fierce intolerance? Check! Violent propaganda? Check!!! If he wasn't already long dead, I'd have to assume that ol Gustave was watching Zeeke and the Zombies on a widget.
Ann, of course, had a fine ending summary of what ails Zeeke and the Zombies: "Perhaps if they believed in a real God, (Zombies) wouldn't have to keep creating an endless stream of human gods." So, she essentially agrees with me; Zeeke isn't a god. He's just another Idiot!
Oh, and Ann's new book is, "Demonic: How the Liberal Mob Is Endangering America."
I'm sure it will be her *eighth* straight to make the NY Times Best Seller List. Its working title was, "How Zeeke and the Zombie Mob is Killing the Chat Room." (chuckle, chuckle)
Sunday, June 5, 2011
"Ask and Ye Shall Receive... Mensa vs. Ham"
(Written 6/5/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
<< Mensa versus Ham thats an article for Chris to write >>
Although I'm not exactly thrilled with either, what the heck...
Mensa has much larger bazooms, and has that attractive sweaty look about her that men lust after but won't admit to. Mensa is either much funnier or (to borrow an appropriate Zeeke term) batshit crazy. And she's a world class typist.
Beth is prettier in a classic sense, but comparatively frail-looking. She also has stunning gams. And Beth is somewhat more educated, although both are very smart and well-educated.
Both are also apparently good mothers, although I have no great basis for saying that. Mensa's a non-linear, creative thinker, while Beth is a rather straight-forward one.
I'd take Beth to a White House State Dinner-Dance. I'd take Mensa to a honky-tonk on Shooter Night. And I'd enjoy both equally.
I'd bet the ranch on Mensa in a mud-wrestling match.
I'd also guess Mensa's much better in the sack, if you like that headboard-banging, leather & whips, primal scream scene. I think of Beth more as a quiet moaner.
But I wouldn't tell either a single personal detail of my life, unless I wanted the entire world to know it. And that's the sad rub with both... .
<< Mensa versus Ham thats an article for Chris to write >>
Although I'm not exactly thrilled with either, what the heck...
Mensa has much larger bazooms, and has that attractive sweaty look about her that men lust after but won't admit to. Mensa is either much funnier or (to borrow an appropriate Zeeke term) batshit crazy. And she's a world class typist.
Beth is prettier in a classic sense, but comparatively frail-looking. She also has stunning gams. And Beth is somewhat more educated, although both are very smart and well-educated.
Both are also apparently good mothers, although I have no great basis for saying that. Mensa's a non-linear, creative thinker, while Beth is a rather straight-forward one.
I'd take Beth to a White House State Dinner-Dance. I'd take Mensa to a honky-tonk on Shooter Night. And I'd enjoy both equally.
I'd bet the ranch on Mensa in a mud-wrestling match.
I'd also guess Mensa's much better in the sack, if you like that headboard-banging, leather & whips, primal scream scene. I think of Beth more as a quiet moaner.
But I wouldn't tell either a single personal detail of my life, unless I wanted the entire world to know it. And that's the sad rub with both... .
Saturday, June 4, 2011
"Zeeke and the Zombies Are Having Withdrawal Pains"
(Written 6/3/11 by PrancerTheSwami for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
Since the split of the room, Zeeke and the Zombies have been jonesing bad for The Swami. The Swami has gotten used to being the main focal point of Zeeke and the Zombies, but their behavior since the room split has The Swami a bit worried. The Swami has just never understood addicts and their behaviors.
Take Zeeke... please. HA HA Anyway... Zeeke's behavior has been typical. Well, typical of any addict deprived of their fix. Having impulsively chosen to create a new room out of an unjustified fear of getting bolted, he didn't realize that he could no longer call The Swami "cocksuckingfagjewbitch" 25 times a day in the old room. And his incessant whining in his new room about The Swami has obviously left him still "in need" of a Swami-bashing fix.
So, Zeeke's taken two large steps to get some relief. He's writing articles on his blog about The Swami at a feverish pace. He even felt such a strong need for a Swami Fix that he added 34 comments to one of his articles in a span of just three minutes. The Swami respectfully suggests that just posting "Swami, PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE give me some attention!!!!" would've worked as well and saved him many keystrokes.
Zeeke's second step was to send a flurry of Zombies into the regular room to let The Swami know just how very special he is. But desperation breeds stupidity, as in sending a gal who says she's a middle-aged corporate executive who's happily married, financially set, blah blah blah, into the room 100 times a day to beg people to come to his room. That's just pathetic. Seriously! And Zeeke's cowardice certainly doesn't justify pointing a stream of Zombie Drive-byers at us who have nothing more creative to say than, ":::sounds Brain Fog Horn:::." Lordy... Zeeke apparently doesn't have anyone else in his room with, say, a triple-digit IQ??? C'mon, wake Beth up for a few minutes from the semi-coma she's been in since siding with you, and have her write something with a minor spark of wit.
The Swami, in all honesty, must admit to missing Zeeke a bit. His forefinger, however, is grateful for no longer having to point at the monitor 132 times a day while The Swami mutters, "You're an Idiot!" The Swami's forefinger says that Zeeke's current pace of blogging about The Swami causes a sustainable pace of finger-pointing.
Oh, and The Swami appreciates the subtle humor of Zeeke in one article claiming he created his new room to "allow the free flow of thoughts and ideas without some cranky ole hypercritical gurlyman censoring our chat" while noting in the very next article his policy on bolting people from his room he doesn't like just for shits & giggles. That "free flow" somehow got lost during the 26 hours between articles. (chuckle, chuckle) The Swami has always been fascinated by such random musings of the lower life forms.
Since the split of the room, Zeeke and the Zombies have been jonesing bad for The Swami. The Swami has gotten used to being the main focal point of Zeeke and the Zombies, but their behavior since the room split has The Swami a bit worried. The Swami has just never understood addicts and their behaviors.
Take Zeeke... please. HA HA Anyway... Zeeke's behavior has been typical. Well, typical of any addict deprived of their fix. Having impulsively chosen to create a new room out of an unjustified fear of getting bolted, he didn't realize that he could no longer call The Swami "cocksuckingfagjewbitch" 25 times a day in the old room. And his incessant whining in his new room about The Swami has obviously left him still "in need" of a Swami-bashing fix.
So, Zeeke's taken two large steps to get some relief. He's writing articles on his blog about The Swami at a feverish pace. He even felt such a strong need for a Swami Fix that he added 34 comments to one of his articles in a span of just three minutes. The Swami respectfully suggests that just posting "Swami, PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE give me some attention!!!!" would've worked as well and saved him many keystrokes.
Zeeke's second step was to send a flurry of Zombies into the regular room to let The Swami know just how very special he is. But desperation breeds stupidity, as in sending a gal who says she's a middle-aged corporate executive who's happily married, financially set, blah blah blah, into the room 100 times a day to beg people to come to his room. That's just pathetic. Seriously! And Zeeke's cowardice certainly doesn't justify pointing a stream of Zombie Drive-byers at us who have nothing more creative to say than, ":::sounds Brain Fog Horn:::." Lordy... Zeeke apparently doesn't have anyone else in his room with, say, a triple-digit IQ??? C'mon, wake Beth up for a few minutes from the semi-coma she's been in since siding with you, and have her write something with a minor spark of wit.
The Swami, in all honesty, must admit to missing Zeeke a bit. His forefinger, however, is grateful for no longer having to point at the monitor 132 times a day while The Swami mutters, "You're an Idiot!" The Swami's forefinger says that Zeeke's current pace of blogging about The Swami causes a sustainable pace of finger-pointing.
Oh, and The Swami appreciates the subtle humor of Zeeke in one article claiming he created his new room to "allow the free flow of thoughts and ideas without some cranky ole hypercritical gurlyman censoring our chat" while noting in the very next article his policy on bolting people from his room he doesn't like just for shits & giggles. That "free flow" somehow got lost during the 26 hours between articles. (chuckle, chuckle) The Swami has always been fascinated by such random musings of the lower life forms.
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