Friday, November 25, 2011

End of the Ugliness

The Ugly blog is folding. We will leave this blog open for the weekend and that's it Monika put her foot down this blog has to go.

To end all curiousity: We're going to reveal who we really are. Think few here would remember us anyways. I was Diego back in the day if you knew me, and my wife was LunaTuna if you remember her. Think Cindy remembers my wife and my wife didn't like her anyways.

Guilt by Association

Like the Swami, I've also wondered what has made loving mothers, by many accounts, associate with a man who has a record for domestic violence, a judiciary court mar for giving their own child a gun and who harassed the parents of a dead child.

Is it lack of attention, the inability to make friends, low self-esteem, or perhaps sociopathic behavior themself? I can understand Cindy and Rose associating with him, they both had parental issues themself and aren't known for decent character. But what has made Lois, a loving mother by many person's account, Beth, Barbara, etc associate with such trash? I certainly do not see them bringing home such a person and introducing them to their children. I'd love to hear your answer, and unlike my counterpart, Swami, I do not mind anonymous posts. Do they just assume since this is online they aren't guilty by association with such a person?

Swami's post reminded me I received a letter awhile back that I've been meaning to post regarding that matter. Below is a letter that I've been told Zeeke sent to the parent of a deceased child shortly after this death. I fully believe he did this since at the same time this letter arrived we were receiving similar blog posts with the exact same verbage and suggestions that my name is Paul.


This does go with the course of his behavior. He right now has a post up mocking the death of Natalie Wood, and we've seen endless threats of violence (we've received some here at Ugly)

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

Top 10 Ideas for Spending the "Empire of Zeeke Dollars"

(Written 11/22/11 by PrancerTheSwami for the Uglier MDers Blog.  A tip of the hat to Xxyesmemike, who contributed to this article.)
The Swami can't be sure how many "Zeeke Dollars" Zeeke has amassed from his lucrative career as a junk dealer, or even WTF a Zeeke Dollar is.  So, without any cost restraints, here are The Swami's best suggestions for his most adoring fan.
10. Buy 10 *more* muscle T-shirts in XXXL for those big social occasions.
 9. Pay an attorney to get that disgusting entry for "Firearms-Access by Minor" expunged from Zeeke's extensive judiciary site record. 
 8. Two words: Personal Trainer.
 7. Two more words: Hair Stylist. (Dump the hedge clippers!)
 6. Upgrade from Olde Frothingslosh to Samuel Adams. (Just because Zeeke is getting "piss drunk" is NOT a good enough reason for actually drinking piss.)
 5. Pay a couple of the Lesser Zombies to hold and monitor all of those extra chat rooms 24/7.
 4. Get a dental implant for that gaping hole so Zeeke won't seem quite so "stoopit" when he criticizes OTHER people about their teeth. 
 3. Put a good criminal attorney on retainer, to handle the family's MANY problems.
 2. Hire a publicist to promote his new book, "How to be a Successful AOL Bully."
And the Number 1 Suggestion for Spending the "Empire of Zeeke Dollars" is...
 1. Buy a sleazy bar for those many nights Zeeke and the Zombies get "piss drunk" together!

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Famous pictures

Ugly feels like walking down Memory Lane today.
One thing fer sure, there ain't no such thing as an attractive Zombie!
This one actually calls herself Sexy

Tipping the 300 lb scale

Mustache anyone?

This could be my grandmother
 

This one calls herself HOT.

 Team Camel Toe maybe?
 Shouldn't he be on Team Toofless? Or maybe Team Wifebeater?

 The Class A Drunk.
This is what happens when you do drugs


Crazy lady

 So hot and so two-faced/

Friday, November 18, 2011

"Zeeke Confesses that He's a Huge Fan of this Blog"


 
(Written 11/16/11 by PrancerTheSwami for the Uglier MDers Blog)
 
<< I'm well on my way to building an EMPIRE of Zeeke dollars .. I'm not sure how Faggy will spin this on Ugly's blog but I might suggest posting that I'm nearly destitute or that I need the money for rehab. >> Zeeke, in his latest blog rant about The Swami
 
The Swami notes that those who aren't all that bright regularly open their mouth primarily to change their feet.  Here, Zeeke did it THREE times in the space of just TWO sentences.  The Swami guesses that's probably a Personal Best for Zeeke, but the Swami often underestimates those afflicted with "stoopity."
 
The major screw up there was, of course, admitting that he'll be closely monitoring this blog for The Swami's response.  The Swami is naturally grateful for his many adoring fans, and hopes that his MANY responses will please Zeeke.
 
And he invented "Zeeke Dollars"?  Lordy, I guess he didn't realize that The Swami would rank that right up there with Zeeke's prior admissions of getting "piss drunk" and "tearing up pussy" every weekend.  The Swami can envision tossing Zeeke Dollars back at Zeeke MANY times.
 
Almost as priceless is Zeeke's suggestion that The Swami "post... that I'm nearly destitute or that I need the money for rehab."  The Swami normally doesn't accept ideas for articles from semi-literate bigots.  But then there's that whole "infinite number of monkeys using an infinite number of typewriters" concept.  Here, Zeeke has essentially typed Shakespeare for The Swami!  The Swami can see MANY articles detailing exactly what Zeeke can do with various sums of money.  The Swami is such a nice guy for his buds! 
 
The Swami is sure, however, that he will be much more creative than mundane suggestions like using those precious Zeeke Dollars for "rehab."  Stay tuned!

A Splendid Wedding Followed by a Zombie Orgy

(Written 11/4/11 by PrancerTheSwami for the Uglier MDers Blog)
 
The Swami is pleased to note the continuing obsession here with his upcoming marriage to the Lovely Pamela, as with:
 
<< Is there a date for the wedding of the century?  Has the "lovely" Pamela... found a wedding dress?  Where will the happy "couple" be honeymooning? >>
 
Although a firm date has not yet been set, The Swami is pleased to make the following announcements, after weeks of delicate negotiations with all parties.
 
1. Zeeke and Beth will be the Best Man and Maid of Honor, although The Swami isn't sure which will be which.  He only knows they will surely make a cute couple.
 
2. The remaining Zombies will serve as Bridesmaids and Groomsmen, up to a maximum of three each with Zeeke (of course) deciding which ones will serve.  Zeeke will also decide on which side of the aisle each will serve.  Zeeke said that "Vomit looks fab in a Dusty Mauve mini-gown."  So, Pamela immediately changed the color scheme.  HA!
 
3. The Swami voted for Pamela to wear a low-cut white mini-gown with white thigh-highs, and white stripper heels.  The Swami's vote, of course, does NOT count, so the Lovely Pamela will wear something... well... lovely.
 
4. The wedding will be held in Bethlehem, PA.  That's not for any religious reason, but simply because The Swami's fraternity at Lehigh University specializes in getting "piss drunk."  It also has a "mattress room" in the basement of its house.  So, the male Zombies can immediately after the wedding start "tearing up pussy" in a comfy room with various female Zombies, any random co-eds who are sufficiently blitzed, and each other.  The Swami is sooooooooo nice to his Zombie buds!   
 
5. Because "everyone knows" that The Swami is "totally obsessed" with Beth, he gingerly approached Lovely Pamela about the possibility of a three-way (purely to please the pervs among his many adoring fans... and, well, because the videos would go for Major $$$).  She said, "I wouldn't let that skankasaurus with obvious hygiene issues within 100 yards of us."  Zing!  But Pamela mischievously added that, "But Michelle Pfeiffer is pretty HOT."  So The Swami will be emailing Michelle as soon as a firm wedding date is set.
 
6. To reserve copies of the videos NOW, send your email to itypeonehanded@aol.com.  The special for-you-today-only pre-introductory prices are $99.99 for the one DVD of The Swami, Pamela, and Michelle, and just $9.95 for the entire boxed set of 14 videos of the Zombies.
 
Stay tuned for further developments!  

"To Whiny, Bitchy Stewardesses"


(Written 11/12/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers Blog)

I recently received an email about "13 Things Your Flight Attendant Won't Tell You."  It and my responses to the princesses are below.  Enjoy...

<< 1. Want to start off on the wrong foot with me? Put your carry-on in a full overhead bin, leave it sticking out six inches, then take your seat at the window and wait for someone else (me!) to come along and solve the physics problem you just created. >>
Well, excuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuse me. I thought the new $100 check-in bag fee your MegaProfit Airlines just added would cover that. Is it okay now if I go back to my $10 drink and $8 snack while leaning my head on my $7 pillow and watching the $10 movie? >>
<< 2. You disarm an unruly passenger by introducing yourself, asking his name, and saying something like ‘I’ve been incredibly nice to you for three hours. Why are you treating me like this?’ Generally that gets the other passengers on your side—and sometimes they’ll even applaud. >>
They're applauding only because they've been wedged into YOUR itsy-bitsy seats for three hours. ANY motion help keeps their muscles from totally locking up.
<< 3. We don't have a boyfriend in every city. And our median age these days is 44. >>
Can I have my $12 "sleep package" now, or aren't you done whining yet?
<< 4. An all-too-common scenario? I hand you a cup of coffee and say, ‘Cream and sugar?’ You say, ‘What?’ I say, ‘Cream and sugar?’ You say, ‘What?’ Come on, people. What do you think we’re going to ask after we’ve handed you coffee? Your favorite color? >>
I'm still DEAF from that connecting flight from Pittsburg to Miami with a stopover in your "hub" in Los Angeles, so please write down anything you want me to "hear." 
<< 5. If you’re traveling with a small child and you keep hearing bells, bells, and more bells, please look to see if it’s your child playing with the flight attendant call bell. >>
Oh good, I thought the ringing in my ears was from the connecting flight. 
<< 6. The lavatory door is not rocket science. Just push. >>
Oh?  But minorly rearranging luggage in an overhead bin IS rocket science?
<< 7. If you have a baby, bring diapers. If you’re diabetic, bring syringes. If you have high blood pressure, don’t forget your medication. That way, I’m not trying to make a diaper out of a sanitary pad and a pillowcase or asking over the intercom if someone has a spare inhaler. >>
In my mad rush to get here FOUR hours before takeoff so that your buddies could strip search me looking for deadly deodorant containers, I must've forgotten something.  
<< 8. Just in case you hadn’t noticed, there are other people on the airplane besides you. So don’t clip your toenails, snore with wild abandon, or do any type of personal business under a blanket! >>
I'll *try* to coordinate my snoring with the SCREAMS of the FIVE babies on this flight whenever there's a slight change in cabin pressure, okay?
<< 9. If you’re traveling overseas, do yourself a favor and bring a pen... you need one to fill out the immigration forms. >>
A pen? You're whining like a 3-year-old girl over a frickin' PEN?!?!?! Why don't y'all just charge an extra $50 as a "Cheapass Pen" fee???
<< 10. Passengers are always coming up to me and tattling on each other. Can you tell him to put his seat up?’ ‘She won’t share the armrest.’ What am I, a preschool teacher? >>
Fine, *I* will deal with the 400 lb. Sumo wrestler sitting next to me who's jacked up on bennies and struggling to get out of his $59 "extra wide" seat so he can come after YOU because you STILL haven't brought him his *twelve* $9 "snackboxes." Please let me know YOUR full name so I can include it in the law suit I'm going to file when he picks ME up and throws ME across the center row seats into the next aisle.
<< 11. I hate working flights to destinations like Vail and West Palm Beach. The passengers all think they’re in first class even if they’re not. They don’t do what we ask. And the overhead bins are full of their mink coats. >>
I'll keep that in mind when I return to the shithole where *I* live with my wife, who wears a secondhand "good Republican cloth coat."
<< 12. Do you really have to go to the bathroom right now, while we’re wrestling a 250-pound food cart down the aisle? You can’t wait 90 seconds for us to pass? >>
No, I *can't* wait. I've had explosive diarrhea for 40 years.  If you don't get out of my way right NOW, I'll turn around, pull my pants down, bend over, and BAWHOOOSH all over your stupid cart. Then YOU get to clean up the mess. Sooooo... YOU have 10 seconds to move your butt out of my way. Tick tock!
<< 13. Is it that difficult to say hello and goodbye? We say it 300 times on every flight, and only about 40 people respond. >> 
I'm soooooo sorry, I was busy screaming in pain after the Idiot in front of me suddenly slammed his seat all the way back, into the knees on my 35" legs.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

The Swami is Now Officially his Grandfather!"

(Written 11/7/11 by PrancerTheSwami for the Uglier MDers Blog)
The Swami is NOT pleased to be mistaken for his maternal grandfather!  His granddad was OLD when he died at age 66 with a full head of WHITE hair.  The Swami is just 64 and YOUNG!
The Swami blames it ALL on the chickypoo at the Burger King today!
But The Swami was already fearful.  For reasons The Swami has never understood, he looks grayer right after a haircut.  Something about the longer hair on top not being as gray blahblahblah.  And The Swami's hair has been slowly getting grayer since his mid-40s.
But until now, The Swami's hair has still looked "dark."  NOT anymore!  When The Swami looked in the mirror after the barber was finished, he was SHOCKED.  Suddenly The Swami's hair looked "light."  When The Swami got home and looked closer, he could find barely ANY dark hairs.  WTF happened?
The Swami figures there's a "tipping point" with hair when it suddenly *appears* to go from dark to light with just a small percentage change. 
When he whined to the Lovely Pamela, she somewhat soothed him by saying how much more "distinguished" he looked.
The Swami was thus somewhat recovered when he went to the Burger King today.  But not for long!
There was the usual squawking back and forth over the stupid drive-in microphone and speaker.  Then out of nowhere the chickypoo offered The Swami a special item from the "Senior Citizen's Menu."  Say WHAT!!!  The Swami was both outraged AND embarrassed!
But before The Swami cut loose and vented his spleen at the poor chickypoo, she mentioned that he would also get 10% off his entire order.
The Swami is all about the $$$, so he let it slide.
The other BAD news was that The Swami COULD HAVE been getting the 10% off for the last 4.5 years, but never thought to ask.  Now The Swami is pissed at himself for being such a butthead. 

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Ugly to be gone for awhile

I am at BWI right now seconds from my first flight home. My Aunt who I always considered my mother has passed away.  This is a sad time for the Ugly going there for her pokhorony. Life will never be the same without Anika.

Some of us are fortunate enough to have parents. I was not. In Russia, people drink and drink hard. Many of my relatives died before 30 due to alcohol related causes.

My Aunt lived a ripe age cause she did not. She was a Staraya Deva. My Aunt was also gorgeous.

In Russia, women are pleasant to the eye. It is rare you see one who is not. Anika, even in her late 50s was still an eye catcher. She looked exactly like Katherine Jones married to Michael Douglas only with blonde hair. Russian women at 50 are way more beautiful than most 20 year old American women. I mean no offense but one just needs to take a trip to Russia to know what I mean.

More than that, Anika was a spirited one. Even in cold days, my parent figure drunk and a louse not taking care of her children (we often did not eat for days), Anika would come over 5 miles in sub temperatures with hot soup and refresher. She would take me to house and one day after my brother marred me terribly over the last cracker, and I never returned there. Last summer I took Frac to there and left him for one week due to unruly behavior and he has been a changed child since. Anika did not fail to take a spoon to your cheek or a broomstick to your side which she did to Frac. Frac now obeys.

I give Anika all credit for my success today. I would be a mere landsman if not for Anika, but she insisted on nightly readings and quizzes and fantasy writings. She ruled with an iron fist making me get up at crack dawn and recite mathematics and in the evenings I rarely had a free moment. Once I got out of primary school I was allowed no freedom. Anika was a teacher before she became blinded in one eye, and pushed me non-stop. She would not let me fail and I did not disappoint her. I thank Anika for all I am.

After I become successful, I tried for many years to get Anika to move to the states. She refused but I honored with quarterly trips home. I am saddened very much with her passing.

Please keep us Uglies in your thoughts and prayers as the Ugly family sojourns to the USSR to honour Anika.

Friday, November 4, 2011


Namaste
"The Swami Returns..."
(Written 11/4/11 by PrancerTheSwami for the Uglier MDers Blog)
The Swami bows to his many, patient, adoring fans...
The Swami is pleased to return after several months in an alternate time-space continuum attending a symposium on astrophysics and vacationing with the Lovely Pamela.  A few notes about the symposium...
1. Although The Swami hasn't aged AT ALL, some of you have truly gone to hell in a hand basket during the intervening "time."  The Swami now accepts that Stephen Hawking was right about that stuff.
2. There was one guy there with a monstrously fat ass who spent nearly the entire symposium stuffed into an extra-wide chair, getting "piss drunk," and yammering in *THREE* online chat rooms at the same time.  He was, of course, shunned by everyone else.  Hawking said the guy was there only because of a typo on one of the invitations. 
3. The best astrophysics joke passed around was this:
"We don't allow faster-than-light neutrinos in here,” says the bartender.
A neutrino walks into a bar.
The Swami loves a good speed-of-light joke!


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

"Rearranging Deck Chairs on the Titanic"

(Written 11/1/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)
This is what happens when Zeeke gets sooooooooo obsessed that he orders the Zombies to desperately cling to EVERY room I've ever used.
So he winds up with just Wilson and FOUR Zombies spread out over THREE rooms.  (Zeeke was in one of the rooms a bit earlier, but I didn't happen to catch them between when Zeeke left and Wilson arrived, or it would've been just the four Zombies.)
I should be very flattered that little ol' me can cause that kind of obsession.  But given that they are now posting my personal information (AGAIN!) here, I remain concerned.
I do, however, sometimes wonder how far I could get them to go.  If I keep dumping and starting rooms, how long will they keep this up?  Four rooms?  Five?  Six? 

"Zeeke's 'Wildly Popular' Room (chuckle, chuckle)"

Written 10/31/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)