(Written 2/25/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
I had ignored the bleatings from my debit card company about their "Relationship Rewards" program since I signed up for it a couple of years ago. I know I'm lousy at those freebies. I seldom get around to doing anything about a few bucks off on something I don't really want.
But one of their recent nagging reminders came along while I've been seriously thinking about buying a Blu-Ray DVD player. So I went to their site and found out that I've accumulated almost 25,000 "points." Being eternally a cynic, I figured that would buy me one of those uesless gadgets you see on late-night tv infomercials.
But I was darn near in shock to find out that I could buy a very nice Sony Blu-Ray player!
Giddy with buyer delight, I checked out the other types of "rewards." There were FREE dinners, weekends, gift cards, appliances, tools, and much much more. But then I noticed the "experiences" category and got hooked.
There, for just 20,000 points, was a long-time fantasy of mine: "Stock Car Racing Ride Along." I began salivating as I read along:
"Go Stock Car Racing on these amazing super speedway tracks. You will ride along with a professional for 3 exciting laps. Taken to speeds up to 180 mph by a professional driver, you'll experience the thrill of racing from the passenger seat of an authentic NEXTEL Cup Stock Car."
Holy Crap, Batman! 180!!! mph.
So now I'm in a quandary. The eminently practical Blu-Ray DVD Player *or* 180 MPH!!!
What would YOU choose?
Personally, I started procrastinating when I saw the "Fighter Pilot for a Day" item. For *just* 199,000 points, I can spend a whole day "engaged in a minimum of 6 air-to-air combats" in a REAL "light attack fighter"! That makes 180 mph seem like chump change!
And I could call myself a really cool Topgun nickname. I guess I could go the AOL Guy SN route with something like "BallsOfSteel" or "JustCallMeTomCruise." But I'm honest, so I'd more likely go with "WettingMyPants" or "PukedAllOverMyself"!
'course, I'll be about age 75 by the time I accumulate that many points. So maybe I should just plan on having engraved on my headstone: "Died at Mach 2 With a Big Grin."
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Monday, February 21, 2011
"Getting all Pissy About Camping"
(Written 2/20/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
SxyMAFlAHlTWoman: I am laughing at you fools who even bring up campers i thinks its funny that you get pissed at ity
ChristopherK2: of course you do, Mafia...
SxyMAFlAHlTWoman: I am laughing at you fools who even bring up campers i thinks its funny that you get pissed at ity
ChristopherK2: of course you do, Mafia...
It's recently gotten to the point that I don't have to even mention Camping to incite the Campers to defensive pissing and moaning.
Their tactics thus far involve virtually every form of deflective attack. Zeeke, for example, tries to minimize Camping by saying it's not as bad as being, say, a serial axe murderer. And Mafia's thought, above, is common, i.e, that they camp mainly to piss off people who dislike Camping, or because they "can." How sad...
They've even tried to say *I* camp in order to taint my credibility. But that's largely been limited to obvious lies by Ham, and Perky and Cindy trying to redefine Camping to include taking a BRB for a dump or a cig.
Such intellectual bankruptcy is not a problem for them.
They never, of course, actually try to defend Camping. They know as well as everyone else that it makes it very difficult for others to get into the room, and reduces the chat at times to a crawl. As I write this, for example, it's late Sunday morning and just three people have been chatting for the last 30 minutes or so. The screen is barely moving. Coincidentally (chuckle, chuckle) two of them are serious Campers.
I sometimes wonder... do any of them ever really make the connection?
Camping when the room is full is rude, arrogant, selfish, and grossly inconsiderate. That's why I don't do it; it's why they do. And it's why they get all pissy when I hold up a mirror to them. They know I'm right.
Their tactics thus far involve virtually every form of deflective attack. Zeeke, for example, tries to minimize Camping by saying it's not as bad as being, say, a serial axe murderer. And Mafia's thought, above, is common, i.e, that they camp mainly to piss off people who dislike Camping, or because they "can." How sad...
They've even tried to say *I* camp in order to taint my credibility. But that's largely been limited to obvious lies by Ham, and Perky and Cindy trying to redefine Camping to include taking a BRB for a dump or a cig.
Such intellectual bankruptcy is not a problem for them.
They never, of course, actually try to defend Camping. They know as well as everyone else that it makes it very difficult for others to get into the room, and reduces the chat at times to a crawl. As I write this, for example, it's late Sunday morning and just three people have been chatting for the last 30 minutes or so. The screen is barely moving. Coincidentally (chuckle, chuckle) two of them are serious Campers.
I sometimes wonder... do any of them ever really make the connection?
Camping when the room is full is rude, arrogant, selfish, and grossly inconsiderate. That's why I don't do it; it's why they do. And it's why they get all pissy when I hold up a mirror to them. They know I'm right.
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
"The Next 'Big Story' "
Sorry fan club. My father-in-law died. Just got in from Vancouver.
"The Next 'Big Story' "
(Written 2/11/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
Over the past couple of months, the 'Big Story' has come to dominate the chat room. This is because everyone is finally getting bored stupid saying the same old crap to everyone else 10 times a day. So when a NEW item floats up from the sewers, all the Drama Queens go after it like Eddie Murray in his heyday going have a high fast ball.
The latest ones are about Bob and Wendy blah blah blah, and Guy dancing with Nancy blah blah blah. I pay scant attention to all of these because they're invariably lies, half-truths, or just he said-she said stuff I don't care about anyway.
The half-life on a Big Story is about three days, so the room NEEDS new ones at least weekly. I'm thus offering the following not just as educated guesses, but to fill in the gaps when we're jonesin' for a new Big Story.
"Bonnie and Zeeke admit to secretly having a love child together."
"Guy requires just ONE example of something he did wrong."
"Pikle gets a really cute perm."
"Auto has the runs."
"Felony pays a whole $1.00 for something on AOL."
"Perky and Alan have 3 cross words, then make up."
"Sunnie gets caught peeing on a tree."
"Zeeke leaves the room for 7 minutes."
"Mike meets Vomit in person, turns around, and cuts an enormous fart in his general direction."
"Ham actually pays for one of her drinks."
"Pretty begins dating her third Ken in a row."
"Bob admits he's not really a trucker, but just loves to hitchhike all over the place."
"Mensa returns... sees what an ugly room looks like from the other side... leaves."
"After ignoring the last 25,000 insults from Zeeke, Prancer finally responds... with a yo' momma joke."
"The Next 'Big Story' "
(Written 2/11/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
Over the past couple of months, the 'Big Story' has come to dominate the chat room. This is because everyone is finally getting bored stupid saying the same old crap to everyone else 10 times a day. So when a NEW item floats up from the sewers, all the Drama Queens go after it like Eddie Murray in his heyday going have a high fast ball.
The latest ones are about Bob and Wendy blah blah blah, and Guy dancing with Nancy blah blah blah. I pay scant attention to all of these because they're invariably lies, half-truths, or just he said-she said stuff I don't care about anyway.
The half-life on a Big Story is about three days, so the room NEEDS new ones at least weekly. I'm thus offering the following not just as educated guesses, but to fill in the gaps when we're jonesin' for a new Big Story.
"Bonnie and Zeeke admit to secretly having a love child together."
"Guy requires just ONE example of something he did wrong."
"Pikle gets a really cute perm."
"Auto has the runs."
"Felony pays a whole $1.00 for something on AOL."
"Perky and Alan have 3 cross words, then make up."
"Sunnie gets caught peeing on a tree."
"Zeeke leaves the room for 7 minutes."
"Mike meets Vomit in person, turns around, and cuts an enormous fart in his general direction."
"Ham actually pays for one of her drinks."
"Pretty begins dating her third Ken in a row."
"Bob admits he's not really a trucker, but just loves to hitchhike all over the place."
"Mensa returns... sees what an ugly room looks like from the other side... leaves."
"After ignoring the last 25,000 insults from Zeeke, Prancer finally responds... with a yo' momma joke."
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
"I Am the Borg"
(Written 2/8/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
I'm beginning to empathize more each day with The Borg, the cybernetically-enhanced humanoid villains in the Star Trek series. I've used more artificial devices than I care to think about. And it only gets worse over time.
Although some of the things stuck in or on me are due to age, most are due simply to a less than perfect body to start with. So, thank you oh-not-so-splendid gene pool.
My first Enhancement was when I was a teenager, with braces. I should've smelled the future when the dentist said my mouth was too small and my teeth too big. But noooooooooo...
I began to sense my body's betrayal tendencies, though, when I was 23 and bought a semi-custom made suit. The tailor was required to check each of my measurements against some table, then double-check it if a measurement was off from normal by a certain amount. He had to double-check ALL of them. My body's a mess, always has been. For example, why do my shoulders slope at *different* angles???
That body weirdness also recently led to Body Enhancement #2--orthotics in my shoes to cope with my right leg being considerably shorter than my left. Before that (since age 30), I had to have heel lifts put in all new shoes.
Body Enhancement #3--eyeglasses--has been a major life hassle since about age 25. Your vision changes every few years after about age 40, so, regular exams, new glasses, etc.
Body Enhancement #4 happened about 5 years ago. My gene pool destines me to dental problems. I had to have a dental implant. Just picture taking your portable drill with a 1/4" bit, flip it upside down, and drill a nice hole into your lower jaw. Then stick a receptacle in the hole, and turn a screw with a fake tooth into that. Props to whomever invented Novocain! I also have a bridge (I think it's called), and will surely someday need more drastic measures.
I voluntarily started Enhancement #5 a few years ago--a wrist brace to help prevent carpal tunnel syndrome problems. I figured it was a small inconvenience to prevent more serious cybernetic stuff down the road.
Enhancement #6 is compression socks, which I started wearing a few months ago to help with fluids gathering around my feet and ankles. My sympathies to any woman who has ever worn pantyhose. I feel your pain!
My most recent, Enhancement #7, is an elbow brace. Apparently you're NOT ALLOWED at my age to jam an 18" screwdriver into large root balls 500 times in a day to loosen them.
My next Enhancement will probably be orthopedic shoes. My feet were flat from Day 1, began making flopping noises on the floor when I was about 15, and recently became nearly dead flat owing to age.
I eagerly await a future filled with stents & valves, false teeth, and--if I'm really lucky--titanium hips!
"We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. We will assimilate you."
I'm beginning to empathize more each day with The Borg, the cybernetically-enhanced humanoid villains in the Star Trek series. I've used more artificial devices than I care to think about. And it only gets worse over time.
Although some of the things stuck in or on me are due to age, most are due simply to a less than perfect body to start with. So, thank you oh-not-so-splendid gene pool.
My first Enhancement was when I was a teenager, with braces. I should've smelled the future when the dentist said my mouth was too small and my teeth too big. But noooooooooo...
I began to sense my body's betrayal tendencies, though, when I was 23 and bought a semi-custom made suit. The tailor was required to check each of my measurements against some table, then double-check it if a measurement was off from normal by a certain amount. He had to double-check ALL of them. My body's a mess, always has been. For example, why do my shoulders slope at *different* angles???
That body weirdness also recently led to Body Enhancement #2--orthotics in my shoes to cope with my right leg being considerably shorter than my left. Before that (since age 30), I had to have heel lifts put in all new shoes.
Body Enhancement #3--eyeglasses--has been a major life hassle since about age 25. Your vision changes every few years after about age 40, so, regular exams, new glasses, etc.
Body Enhancement #4 happened about 5 years ago. My gene pool destines me to dental problems. I had to have a dental implant. Just picture taking your portable drill with a 1/4" bit, flip it upside down, and drill a nice hole into your lower jaw. Then stick a receptacle in the hole, and turn a screw with a fake tooth into that. Props to whomever invented Novocain! I also have a bridge (I think it's called), and will surely someday need more drastic measures.
I voluntarily started Enhancement #5 a few years ago--a wrist brace to help prevent carpal tunnel syndrome problems. I figured it was a small inconvenience to prevent more serious cybernetic stuff down the road.
Enhancement #6 is compression socks, which I started wearing a few months ago to help with fluids gathering around my feet and ankles. My sympathies to any woman who has ever worn pantyhose. I feel your pain!
My most recent, Enhancement #7, is an elbow brace. Apparently you're NOT ALLOWED at my age to jam an 18" screwdriver into large root balls 500 times in a day to loosen them.
My next Enhancement will probably be orthopedic shoes. My feet were flat from Day 1, began making flopping noises on the floor when I was about 15, and recently became nearly dead flat owing to age.
I eagerly await a future filled with stents & valves, false teeth, and--if I'm really lucky--titanium hips!
"We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. We will assimilate you."
Monday, February 7, 2011
Sunday, February 6, 2011
Saturday, February 5, 2011
"How to Incite Rants in the Chat Room"
(Written 2/1/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
Apparently it's fairly easy to incite a bunch of people in the chat room into ranting at you for quite awhile. Who knew?
As many of you probably know, we have a big problem with Campers in the room... as many as 25 at a time. It not only makes getting into the room difficult, but often reduces the amount of chat in the room to a minimum. I think Camping is rude, selfish, and grossly inconsiderate.
So, I've changed my usual greeting to, " 'evening Bots, Campers, and other Roomies..." When I used it last n 
ight, you would've thought I had kicked a puppy in front of everyone. Campers (mostly Zeeke and his Zombies) came out of their caves en masse for an attack. About half a dozen of them ranted at me for 15 minutes or so. Curiously, none of them defended camping. How's that old saying go, "If you can't defend the action, attack the person."
I've seen other simple sentences set off simultaneous rants by several people. They include:
"Hi." (by any newbie)
"Zeeke is (insert stupid, ugly, fat... yada yada)."
"How about that (Bob/Bonnie/Zeeke), huh?"
"(Zeeke/Bonnie/Bob/Rose) said the following disgusting thing 9/20 years ago!"
"Yo momma..."
"I fondly remember the good ol' days in here."
Please feel free to add your favs...
Apparently it's fairly easy to incite a bunch of people in the chat room into ranting at you for quite awhile. Who knew?
As many of you probably know, we have a big problem with Campers in the room... as many as 25 at a time. It not only makes getting into the room difficult, but often reduces the amount of chat in the room to a minimum. I think Camping is rude, selfish, and grossly inconsiderate.
So, I've changed my usual greeting to, " 'evening Bots, Campers
I've seen other simple sentences set off simultaneous rants by several people. They include:
"Hi." (by any newbie)
"Zeeke is (insert stupid, ugly, fat... yada yada)."
"How about that (Bob/Bonnie/Zeeke), huh?"
"(Zeeke/Bonnie/Bob/Rose) said the following disgusting thing 9/20 years ago!"
"Yo momma..."
"I fondly remember the good ol' days in here."
Please feel free to add your favs...
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
It has come to my attention
That Pretty has now accused someone of breaking into her home and stealing her BGE account information which was past due. Saw what? Must be some good opium going around in Bel Air.
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