"My Weirdness Detector Blows a Fuse"

(Written 2/28/12 by ChristopherK2)

 

I've long had a Weirdness Detector somewhere deep within my brain.  It explains my love of "Stupid Human Tricks" and "Dumb Criminals" articles and videos.  And every now and then it senses a "change in The Force," so to speak.  Last night The Detector sent me such an alert and today it became obvious why as I read the news on the AOL Welcome window.

 

 

The weirdness began last night while I was sleepily watching the Daytona 500 stock car race.  I normally find packs of cars driving at high speeds in circles quite conducive to sleep.  I was about 90% on the way to dreamland when suddenly a huge fireball exploded on the tv screen.  I *love* all things explosion-related, so I almost jumped out of my recliner in quickly ramming up to full attention.

 

 

And there it was in all its glory... a lone stock car far behind the pack blasting along at nearly 200 mph had suddenly hung a dead right to pick the only spot on the track able to cause a major catastrophe... a "jet dryer" (a very large truck equipped with a hang-on jet engine to blow dry the track) trudging along at about 1 mph and loaded with 200 gallons of volatile jet kerosene!  KABOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! 

 

 

It was immediately obvious that no one had been seriously injured, so I was free to enjoy the fireball stuff.  And a huge fireball on a racetrack is clearly weird enough to set off my inner detector. 

 

 

But my brain was also sending a signal that there was something else also happening.  And that wouldn't become clear until I started reading AOL's Welcome window news this morning.  It seems that we're now officially going thru a period of Universal Weirdness, which have occurred randomly but repeatedly over the years.

 

 

My Weirdness Detector began screeching when I saw the headline: "Angelina Jolie's Leg has over 15,000 Fans (on Twitter)."  Now THAT is weird!  I thought everyone KNEW that even though she's one of the most beautiful women on the planet, she has SKINNY legs. But apparently her appearance at the Oscars has led to many people finally figuring that out.

 

 

I quickly noticed many other headlines about seriously Weird Stuff: "Man Gets 3 Years for Punching Bunnies;" (WHAT?) "Alien Caught on Google Street View;" (didn't I just write about Street View the other day???) "Plane Drops Poop On New York Couple;" (ruined THAT picnic) "Waiter Spills Beer on German Chancellor;" (the 99% getting even with the 1%?) and "Hank the Cat Runs for Office in Virginia;" (a cat??? no dogs available???).

 

 

Laughing so hard by now that I could barely control the mouse, I moved on to TMZ.  And I wasn't disappointed.  It started off with "Angelina Jolie's Legs the Morning After."  Geesh, the woman has SKINNY, ugly legs, people... deal with it!  My Weirdness Detector's meter then suddenly shot up at "Rodney King-No Jail After 2nd DUI Arrest."  Yes, THAT Rodney King was back in the news, his pic staring up at me from the pages of TMZ.  How many years has it been???  Very strange...

 

 

By this point, I was almost afraid to press on to the CNN site for fear of a heart-attack-by-excessive-laughter story of truly epic proportions.  But there it was: "Doggie DNA used in Poop Crackdown"!!!  I kid you not, my loyal fans, an apartment complex in Ohio is cracking down on doggie dooty offenders by sending samples off to a lab for DNA matching to the residents' dogs and charging folks $200 a poop... er... pop.

 

 

But even a delightful Dog Dooty story didn't send me into paralyzing spasms of laughter.  Why not???  Well, I think it's because my Weirdness Detector was also letting me know that there's a LOT more weirdness to come over the next few days.  So, I'll have to restrain myself mightily.  I wouldn't want my obit to read, "He died from reading a Dumbest Criminals e-mail."

"Top 10 Reasons Newbies are Bolted from the Coolest Room"

Written 2/23/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

10. Admit that you're black, gay, Jewish, or plan to vote for Obama.

 9. Show up at a Coolest social function and bend your knees while you walk.

 8. Say that you haven't been drunk since you were a "stupid teenager" and then "grew up."

 7. Note that you have a college degree.

 6. Have a pic on your profile that shows that you're physically attractive, dress well, and have nice teeth.

 5. Ask, "If this is the 'Coolest' room, why isn't anyone saying anything?"

 4. Don't kiss Zeeke's ass at least 15 times a day.

 3. Use a word of more than three syllables.

 2. Post a link to your favorite mushy, romantic poem.

And the Number 1 Reason Newbies are Bolted from the Coolest Room is...

1. Ask if it's okay if you log the room.

AOLEXIA

Is a growing problem in our society. Millions of people seem to have it. I’m not sure why there has been so little attention given to this problem, but it has been around for a very long time.

This disease is extremely dangerous and highly contagious. Scientists are beginning to believe that it may be the result of a problem within the brain of the patient. With aolexia the patient’s brain appears to misinterpret everything that they hear.

 If you or someone you love suffers from this disease it is imperative that you seek treatment. Current treatment involves:

1. Learning to get the wax out of your ears and listen to the real message that is being spoken. 
2.  Getting over your own self importance. 
3.  Learning to correctly interpret information without filtering it through one’s ego.
4.  Overcoming your own pure stupididty. 
5.  Logging off AOL and getting a life.

"Or Maybe"

(Written 2/19/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

(Picture below was submitted as a recent "Zeeke" sighting)

Zeeke recently opined on Vomit's blog that the claim that "good people (were) ran off" from the chat rooms "has been thrown around... but there's no real evidence that suggests the statement is true.  Like all social media AOL chat ran its course and is dying a slow painful death..."

Facebook is dying???  Alrighty... Zeeke the Astute Business Analyst speaks... (( chuckle, chuckle ))

As to evidence that Zeeke conveniently ignores, look no further than Perky's earlier statement that people have left Zeeke's room because of its "hate and discontent."  I've collected a few statements over the years, the most straightforward of which is, "I just finally found the overabundance of white trash to be too tiresome for words."

Zeeke's obviously going the rationalization route, which is rather surprising.  He's often stated that his main goal is driving away as many people who he dislikes as possible thru his "mind-fuck" game.  So the decimation of the group is more likely because of his tactics, such as:

1. Regularly bolting "50+" nice regulars from the room whenever he had the chance.

2. Uglifying the room for several hours a day with nasty fights with Bonnie for many years.

3. Attacking anyone he didn't like by the use of nicknames like "Cocksuckingfagjewbitch."

4. Uniting with other Zombies... especially Beth... in gang attacking people they didn't like.

5. Routinely threatening physical violence against people.

6. Making fun of others for perceived flaws, nearly all of which they themselves have in abundance.

I suspect that Zeeke now realizes he went way too far for too long, and that the few people remaining in his ugly little clique aren't enough for a viable room.  So, as it dies, he's trying to set up a story to feed his masses, and absolve himself of any guilt that he feels.

Whatever floats his boat, for public consumption... But deep in their hearts, I'm sure all of the Zombies know that it is *they* who have killed this group.

We at Ugly Marylanders received this picture - is really Billy's ne
w girlfriend?

"Wildly Popular" = 7.8?

(Written 2/12/12 by Prancer The Swami for the Uglier MDers blog)

The Swami often has difficulty understanding the full meaning of some of Zeeke's rants.  There's probably a language barrier there because, well, Zeeke's so dumb.

Take, for example, Zeeke's rants about his room awhile back.  He called it "wildly popular" and "one of the most popular chatrooms."

The Swami tends to take proclamations way too literally.  If a room is "one of the most popular," The Swami figures it should be in at least the Top 10, or maybe the Top 25 on a slow day.  But as the Swami writes this, Zeeke's room is #120.  120???  Yep, it's right behind "Friendly Doms n Subs."  Granted the widespread appeal of doms and subs, but #120 is "one of the most popular" rooms?

The Swami also recognizes that "wildly popular" is a much vaguer phrase, so allowances must be made for some hyperbole.  But under what loose standards can an average of 7.8 SNs in a room be considered "wildly popular"?  That's what Zeeke's room averaged from early morning to late evening in January.

So, a decline from "wildly popular" to just 7.8 in a few months can't be a good sign. And I'm sure the Zombies will gleefully point out that The Swami's room is virtually in the toilet.  But they should be mindful that the Over 35 room averaged almost that same 7.8 as recently as July. 

It's certainly a very slippery slope once a chat room drops below critical mass.

P.S. As The Swami was about to send this to Ugly, Vomit posted that his room is "in very good shape" and "we max out at a little over 20 chatters."  The Swami has always admired Vomit's ability to ignore reality and just make up stuff.  His room hasn't been within even barking distance of 20 since mid-December, and hasn't regularly exceeded 20 since August.  The Swami wants some of whatever Vomit was smoking.

I will always love you

Monika

This woman has gone in sub 20 degree Russian climate with me.

Our wedding song was by Whitney. I am saddened.

Will you be my valentine?

I proposed to Monika on Valentine's Day. She thought we were just going out to a fancy restaurant so she could show off her latest Gucci bag, but I had other plans. We went to this little fancy French enclave up in Montreal and she ordered some expensive wine made from gammy grapes. Gammy Noir I believe it was.

She was stunning that night. She had on some very white hotpants showing off that very nice derierre and a beautiful apple color cardigan sweater. I was quite afraid to ask her. We'd been friends for years. Often I'd find myself her shoulder to cry on after a heartbreak. I never confessed my feelings for her, was terrified.

I still don't know what possessed me to get the courage up to propose. Maybe it was that Gammy Noir, we sure polished off two bottles that night, and Monika (don't slap me hon) ruined her pantsuit with a spill. All I know is Monika was the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on. Inside and out. And I wanted to take care of her.

I never drink, but that night I did to get the courage up. Finally I just said to her, Monika I love you and it's time someone took care of you and treated you right. She looked at me completely stunned. I repeated it. She gulped down an entire glass of wine. So did I. She was afraid to talk. I was afraid to move. We drank another glass of wine, then both excused ourselves to the bathroom. She came back and said Rocco, yes, you are meant for me. You're the only one who has been here for me thick and thin and I know what you're going to ask and I accept. Then we left the restaurant and walked down the road and kissed. The first time in years of knowing her we had done so.

As I'm recalling all of this I'm thinking just how unfortunate so many here haven't found that type of love in their life. The sexual lives of the zombies are quite maddening and stagnant. The love is just not there like an untouchable caste member. It is mad sad.

"Easily Amused..."

(Written 2/7/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders blog)

(Disclaimer: I pretty much hate cats.)  Years ago, my mom had a cat named Pretty Boy.  (Yep, a fat, outdoorish tomcat named Pretty Boy.)  Mom asked me take a pic of it one day as it lounged on the radiator cap and gazed out at the school playground about 50' away.

 

It was a good pic opportunity, but Mom read far more into than I did.  She went on and on about how he was watching over the neighborhood kids, admiring the beauty of the surroundings, blah blah blah.  I said, "Mom, he's a cat.  A cat has an IQ of 3.  It's easily amused." 

So it apparently is with Zeeke and Vomit as evidenced by this statement today on Zeeke's blog about their mutual fascination with pasting my head onto pics (about 50 times so far), as follows:

"Ronnie and I have been laughing about this for months.. Stick Faggy's head on any picture and it becomes instantly funny."

For months???  Wow... yep, *very* easily amused.  But I'm sure they both have IQs WAY higher than 3.  Any guesses???  I'm thinking 85-90...

Vomit trying to get to the beer store

One of Ronnie Young's friends have sold him out.