Friday, September 16, 2011
"I Just Set a Blogging Record!!!"
(Written 9/13/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders blog)
I'm feeling all proud and shit of myself this morning for setting what I'm sure is some kind of all-time Marylanders blog record. I've now "been blogged" on four, yes, count them... FOUR different blogs.
In addition to the expected trashings on here, and on Zeeke's and Vomit's blogs, I was just blogged on Bonnie's!
In my upcoming acceptance speech at the First Annual Marylanders Blog Awards, I will detail my many wonderful personal traits that led to this, and thank all of the many "little people" who were instrumental in my remarkable achievement. Without giving away too much, let's just say that I'm "universally loved" and some of the "little people" are, well, not so little.
The nature of the award hasn't yet been announced, but I'm hoping for Major $$$. Well, at least a huge trophy. Hmmm... a ribbon? A stinkin' ribbon??? C'mon, you give ribbons to your frickin' cat for pooping in the litter box!
Anywho, it doesn't much matter because my Big Book Deal with a Major Publishing Company is contingent only on me being the *sole* winner of the award. And I already have that locked up UNLESS a couple of NEW blogs are started before the deadline and some now Second Place Slacker gets slammed and I don't. And that's not likely given that EVERY blogger now wants to take shots at me. I'm sooooooooooooo loved.
I'm feeling all proud and shit of myself this morning for setting what I'm sure is some kind of all-time Marylanders blog record. I've now "been blogged" on four, yes, count them... FOUR different blogs.
In addition to the expected trashings on here, and on Zeeke's and Vomit's blogs, I was just blogged on Bonnie's!
In my upcoming acceptance speech at the First Annual Marylanders Blog Awards, I will detail my many wonderful personal traits that led to this, and thank all of the many "little people" who were instrumental in my remarkable achievement. Without giving away too much, let's just say that I'm "universally loved" and some of the "little people" are, well, not so little.
The nature of the award hasn't yet been announced, but I'm hoping for Major $$$. Well, at least a huge trophy. Hmmm... a ribbon? A stinkin' ribbon??? C'mon, you give ribbons to your frickin' cat for pooping in the litter box!
Anywho, it doesn't much matter because my Big Book Deal with a Major Publishing Company is contingent only on me being the *sole* winner of the award. And I already have that locked up UNLESS a couple of NEW blogs are started before the deadline and some now Second Place Slacker gets slammed and I don't. And that's not likely given that EVERY blogger now wants to take shots at me. I'm sooooooooooooo loved.
Thursday, September 15, 2011
Whose blog is this?
Please make sure you take the time to do our poll. Or just put your accusations here.
Monday, September 12, 2011
"How the Mighty Have Fallen..."
(Written 9/10/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders blog)
The once semi-proud Love Fest room has been slowly but surely reducing itself to its essential trash. And that process has been recently accelerating. Its days of Zeeke's loud proclamations of it being "one of the most popular chatrooms on AOL" are but a distant memory, now replaced by not-all-that much.
Early Friday morning, AOL pulled another of its "dump non-essential SNs" tricks. Although *I* was offended to be included, it did reduce both rooms to just two SNs. As you can see by this print screen, none of their other regular 24/7 Campers had returned by even 7:00 a.m. (At that point, my room was its usual rocking self, with seven nice people engaging in pleasant chat.)
The once semi-proud Love Fest room has been slowly but surely reducing itself to its essential trash. And that process has been recently accelerating. Its days of Zeeke's loud proclamations of it being "one of the most popular chatrooms on AOL" are but a distant memory, now replaced by not-all-that much.
Early Friday morning, AOL pulled another of its "dump non-essential SNs" tricks. Although *I* was offended to be included, it did reduce both rooms to just two SNs. As you can see by this print screen, none of their other regular 24/7 Campers had returned by even 7:00 a.m. (At that point, my room was its usual rocking self, with seven nice people engaging in pleasant chat.)It would take several more hours for Love Fest to recover somewhat. As you can see below, by 11 a.m, it was up to 10 SNs. 
Oddly, Zeeke wasn't there nor was Beth. Beth had been MIA for several days. That's not exactly a chatty group, but that's been generally true of Love Fest all along. The early morning group had left my room by then, and so it was back to its usual five SNs not saying much.
Alas for Zeeke, 10 SNs was about as good as it would get that day. It would peak at 11 at about 4 p.m. and again at 9 p.m. More typical, though, was this group at 5 p.m.
Merely *seven* SNs in a room that used to brag about MANY MORE than that... And nearly all of them are 24/7 Campers, so we can safely assume almost nothing was being said. My room had six SNs at that point, and not much chat was occuring.
The last snapshot I'll show you is below, from almost 8 p.m. It again almost reached its peak of 11 SNs, but would quickly start losing them after 9 p.m. as people headed off to bed. My room was having one of its usual mid-evening mini-surges, with eight SNs chatting away.
For the day, Love Fest averaged just a shocking 7.6 SNs... amazing. My room averaged 5.6, but *I* have never said it was "one of the most popular chatrooms on AOL." <> My simple goal has always been for my room to be a safe place for nice people to have pleasant chats with each other.
A few quick thoughts...
1. It kinda puts the kibosh on Zeeke's claim of having the "overwhelming majority of Maryland chatters."
2. When Ham's not around, Love Fest quickly begins evaporating. Apparently many of the Love Fest regulars agree with me... she's about the only interesting person still in there.
3. When Zeeke's not around, well, things aren't much affected for better or for worse.
Oddly, Zeeke wasn't there nor was Beth. Beth had been MIA for several days. That's not exactly a chatty group, but that's been generally true of Love Fest all along. The early morning group had left my room by then, and so it was back to its usual five SNs not saying much.Alas for Zeeke, 10 SNs was about as good as it would get that day. It would peak at 11 at about 4 p.m. and again at 9 p.m. More typical, though, was this group at 5 p.m.
Merely *seven* SNs in a room that used to brag about MANY MORE than that... And nearly all of them are 24/7 Campers, so we can safely assume almost nothing was being said. My room had six SNs at that point, and not much chat was occuring.The last snapshot I'll show you is below, from almost 8 p.m. It again almost reached its peak of 11 SNs, but would quickly start losing them after 9 p.m. as people headed off to bed. My room was having one of its usual mid-evening mini-surges, with eight SNs chatting away.
For the day, Love Fest averaged just a shocking 7.6 SNs... amazing. My room averaged 5.6, but *I* have never said it was "one of the most popular chatrooms on AOL." <A few quick thoughts...
1. It kinda puts the kibosh on Zeeke's claim of having the "overwhelming majority of Maryland chatters."
2. When Ham's not around, Love Fest quickly begins evaporating. Apparently many of the Love Fest regulars agree with me... she's about the only interesting person still in there.
3. When Zeeke's not around, well, things aren't much affected for better or for worse.
Tuesday, September 6, 2011
"Apparently It CAN Get Worse..."
(Written 8/31/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
I was totally wrong (for a change). Zeeke has managed to outdo himself. I hereby give him the "Totally Obsessed With AOL Drama" Award...
Friday, September 2, 2011
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
Just shoot me if
"Just Shoot Me If..."
(Written 8/29/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
Just shoot me if I ever get THIS addicted to AOL:
Saturday, August 27, 2011
"Early Spring is Gone, But Hooray for What Came Next"
(Written 8-19-11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
I wrote earlier about the difficulties of finding flowering plants for early spring, and ballyhooed bulbs for that. Today I'll discuss some of the glorious plants of late spring and early summer, which is most everyone's favorite gardening season.
Annuals
Annuals are one of our favorite plants, judging by the numbers sold at the nurseries I frequent. Their flowers generally last until fall, and come in a huge variety of shapes, sizes, and colors.
I continue a tradition Mom and I did for 20+ years by buying and planting a whole lot (81 this year) of annuals on Mother's Day. But you can buy them any time after May 1st or so. I buy a dozen types, and a few of them are highlighted below. But all kinds are easy to plant and grow quickly IF you water and feed them regularly. Just match them with your levels of sunlight and buy what you like!
The Flossflo
wer below develops into a 12" ball of gorgeous, small, blue, aster-like puffy flowers. Here you see it sited in one of my main uses of annuals, to fill in around a shrub that still has a few years to grow.
Next is a colorful Sun Coleus. Coleuses are normally a shade plant, but this one has been bred to tolerate a lot of sun. It's a bit finicky (thirsty), but its amazing foliage more than compensates. Here, I have it partially-hidden behind a bird bath.
It'll grow almost 2' tall, and a foot wide.
The Marigold is a garden staple, mainly because it's very hearty and grows REALLY fast. Mine guickly outgrew their projected 18" by 18" size, and thus merged into pretty globs of yellow, orange, and red. I have about 15 of them surrounding what will beco
I wrote earlier about the difficulties of finding flowering plants for early spring, and ballyhooed bulbs for that. Today I'll discuss some of the glorious plants of late spring and early summer, which is most everyone's favorite gardening season.
Annuals
Annuals are one of our favorite plants, judging by the numbers sold at the nurseries I frequent. Their flowers generally last until fall, and come in a huge variety of shapes, sizes, and colors.
I continue a tradition Mom and I did for 20+ years by buying and planting a whole lot (81 this year) of annuals on Mother's Day. But you can buy them any time after May 1st or so. I buy a dozen types, and a few of them are highlighted below. But all kinds are easy to plant and grow quickly IF you water and feed them regularly. Just match them with your levels of sunlight and buy what you like!
The Flossflo
wer below develops into a 12" ball of gorgeous, small, blue, aster-like puffy flowers. Here you see it sited in one of my main uses of annuals, to fill in around a shrub that still has a few years to grow.
Next is a colorful Sun Coleus. Coleuses are normally a shade plant, but this one has been bred to tolerate a lot of sun. It's a bit finicky (thirsty), but its amazing foliage more than compensates. Here, I have it partially-hidden behind a bird bath.
It'll grow almost 2' tall, and a foot wide.
The Marigold is a garden staple, mainly because it's very hearty and grows REALLY fast. Mine guickly outgrew their projected 18" by 18" size, and thus merged into pretty globs of yellow, orange, and red. I have about 15 of them surrounding what will beco
me a large Kerria shrub.
Perennials
There's a large selection of delightful perennials that start flowering in early June and keep on blooming to about Labor Day. They're a bit trickier to plant than most types, but the instructions that come with them are usually fine IF followed exactly. I add manure and compost to most, and then water them religiously for a full year. Most will peak in their third year, and can then be divided and passed around to your friends or planted elsewhere.
I love my Blanket Flowers! The one below is smaller than most at 18" by 18". Given its wonderful "warm" colors, compact size, and long flowering season, it's ideal for the front of beds, along sidewalks, and anywhere people can kneel down and admire it. The one below is an 'Arizona Sun' cultivar and is nestled in front of a large, dark purple Barberry shrub along the front of my parking lot.
Many gardeners have several of the Coreopsis (a 'Moonbeam' below) to provide a bright yellow accent. The flowers are rather small and boring up close, though. They're generally about 18" high and 24" wide. I've sandwiched one here near beside my shed between two deep blue Plumbagos and in front of a large, plain green shrub. I like contrast! LOL
The Kalimeris ('Blue Star') below is what I call a "spot" plant. You can stick it anywhere you have a small opening because it only gets about 12-15" high and wide. Here it's plopped between two tall, thin grasses. You could also plant a bunch of them together in groups, rows, or other arrangements. It's a cousin to the much bigger Aster, with pretty baby blue flowers with bright yellow centers.
Lastly, the Black-eyed Susan, the State Flower of Maryland. So, every garden MUST have a few BY LAW. LOL They look best planted in large groups. Here, I have four of them in a curved row surrounding what will eventually be a large Osmanthus ('Goshiki') shrub. Be careful because they often DO get larger than advertised. These, in only their second year, are already about 2 1/2' wide and almost 3 1/2' tall.
Perennials
There's a large selection of delightful perennials that start flowering in early June and keep on blooming to about Labor Day. They're a bit trickier to plant than most types, but the instructions that come with them are usually fine IF followed exactly. I add manure and compost to most, and then water them religiously for a full year. Most will peak in their third year, and can then be divided and passed around to your friends or planted elsewhere.
I love my Blanket Flowers! The one below is smaller than most at 18" by 18". Given its wonderful "warm" colors, compact size, and long flowering season, it's ideal for the front of beds, along sidewalks, and anywhere people can kneel down and admire it. The one below is an 'Arizona Sun' cultivar and is nestled in front of a large, dark purple Barberry shrub along the front of my parking lot.
Many gardeners have several of the Coreopsis (a 'Moonbeam' below) to provide a bright yellow accent. The flowers are rather small and boring up close, though. They're generally about 18" high and 24" wide. I've sandwiched one here near beside my shed between two deep blue Plumbagos and in front of a large, plain green shrub. I like contrast! LOL
The Kalimeris ('Blue Star') below is what I call a "spot" plant. You can stick it anywhere you have a small opening because it only gets about 12-15" high and wide. Here it's plopped between two tall, thin grasses. You could also plant a bunch of them together in groups, rows, or other arrangements. It's a cousin to the much bigger Aster, with pretty baby blue flowers with bright yellow centers.
Lastly, the Black-eyed Susan, the State Flower of Maryland. So, every garden MUST have a few BY LAW. LOL They look best planted in large groups. Here, I have four of them in a curved row surrounding what will eventually be a large Osmanthus ('Goshiki') shrub. Be careful because they often DO get larger than advertised. These, in only their second year, are already about 2 1/2' wide and almost 3 1/2' tall.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
The ghost in my house
My wife is demanding a new house. You'd think a 5,000 plus square foot house with a four car garage, in-house pool, tennis courts, and so on with a 50 acre spread would please a woman. Especially given she doesn't have to lift a finger in the house. We have two live-in maids.
A few months ago Fric started telling me "Roger" was coming to see him at night. We wasted no time at all taking him to Dr. Whacky. Who jotted out a cocktail of meds for my son and sent us on our merry way. We poured into books on schizophrenia and called up relative after relative asking if that weird Aunt or eccentric Uncle ever talked about Rogers. We joined the National Association of Mental Illness local goon squad and attended a couple seminars at S'Pratt.
It was tough accepting my son may be a whack job more than our good friend Cindy. Very tough. For at least two weeks I walked inner city streets and tried to understand all this. I spent many days talking to odd individuals who were having duologues; one where they may hear me address them but meanshile too busy having othrer conversations, even if no one else was present.
We took him to Kennedy Kreiger who did a full work up on him, including a brain scan. They pronounced him sane and said he had an overactive imagination. So, we took him home and no longer allowed an extra chair for Roger at the dinner table.
A few months later, Monica calls me up at work to tell me Frac had told a teacher that Roger came to school with him. The teacher, assuming there was a lost child, called Monica. A full school search began for this missing child, with Frac constantly pointing at blank targets and saying, "he's right there." My son was Baker Acted that night.
Desperate for answers now, Monica went to Fric and allowed him to talk about Roger. Who was a child of a local Millworker killed at 11 by log falling on him. Monica, clearly spooked now, went to the local library and asked a librarian for assistance looking up a child's death in 1933. Sure enough, there was a death on record of a Roger Rhodes, killed by a heavy branch fallen on him.
Within days, my dear wife was communicating with Roger as well. I began coming home every night and hearing three formerly sane people having full length conversations with this "Roger." I called in Ghostbusters. I called in a psychic. I had a full square psychiatric intervention on my wife. Finally, a pedophilic Catholic priest came. Little did Monica know he took money under the table.
Within days I had my wife and children back, only now we're living a hotel until we find another dig. No real estate agent around will touch our house, so this will be costly. William Blatty would be proud of the tale this priest weaved. How Roger is really "Legion" and he was beginning a friendship with one way to hell.
Boo.
A few months ago Fric started telling me "Roger" was coming to see him at night. We wasted no time at all taking him to Dr. Whacky. Who jotted out a cocktail of meds for my son and sent us on our merry way. We poured into books on schizophrenia and called up relative after relative asking if that weird Aunt or eccentric Uncle ever talked about Rogers. We joined the National Association of Mental Illness local goon squad and attended a couple seminars at S'Pratt.
It was tough accepting my son may be a whack job more than our good friend Cindy. Very tough. For at least two weeks I walked inner city streets and tried to understand all this. I spent many days talking to odd individuals who were having duologues; one where they may hear me address them but meanshile too busy having othrer conversations, even if no one else was present.
We took him to Kennedy Kreiger who did a full work up on him, including a brain scan. They pronounced him sane and said he had an overactive imagination. So, we took him home and no longer allowed an extra chair for Roger at the dinner table.
A few months later, Monica calls me up at work to tell me Frac had told a teacher that Roger came to school with him. The teacher, assuming there was a lost child, called Monica. A full school search began for this missing child, with Frac constantly pointing at blank targets and saying, "he's right there." My son was Baker Acted that night.
Desperate for answers now, Monica went to Fric and allowed him to talk about Roger. Who was a child of a local Millworker killed at 11 by log falling on him. Monica, clearly spooked now, went to the local library and asked a librarian for assistance looking up a child's death in 1933. Sure enough, there was a death on record of a Roger Rhodes, killed by a heavy branch fallen on him.
Within days, my dear wife was communicating with Roger as well. I began coming home every night and hearing three formerly sane people having full length conversations with this "Roger." I called in Ghostbusters. I called in a psychic. I had a full square psychiatric intervention on my wife. Finally, a pedophilic Catholic priest came. Little did Monica know he took money under the table.
Within days I had my wife and children back, only now we're living a hotel until we find another dig. No real estate agent around will touch our house, so this will be costly. William Blatty would be proud of the tale this priest weaved. How Roger is really "Legion" and he was beginning a friendship with one way to hell.
Boo.
Friday, August 12, 2011
A new blog for nice Marylanders
Yes, the rumors you've heard ARE true. I've started a new blog!
It's Nice Marylanders Over 35. And as its description says, it's "A Blog for the Nice Folks in AOL's Marylanders Over 35 Chat Room."
So, it'll be ugliness and drama free! Which means, among other things, that there will be no Anonymous comments allowed.
Another key feature is that each of you will be an "author" and thus free to post your own articles! Bonnie has already posted an article on the blog with details of how to do so.
I also hope that it'll be a lot more than just long articles by me. (Although I do encourage any and all articles by anyone.) I'd like it to be more like the old message boards: a place for posting announcements (births, marriages, graduations, awards, etc.); asking for help (from our many experts in law, medicine, cooking, mechanical stuff, etc.); exchanging recipes and such; jokes; stories; and the other stuff of normal living.
For now I've set it up so anyone can read it, but my approval of comments is required (mainly to keep out the Idiots). I'll probably eventually close it off to the public. So, Blogger will soon be sending you an email asking you to register with the blog. It requires prior registration with Google or Blogger. Both are a minor hassle... sorry about that. Note that AOL often dumps email from Blogger into your spam folder.
I "white list" for email and each of you has been added to my mail controls. If you change your email address or want to add one, just let me know. Ditto for anyone you wish to refer to the blog. My IMs remain open to anyone (except a few dunderheads).
I hope you both enjoy reading and participating in the new blog...
Christopher
It's Nice Marylanders Over 35. And as its description says, it's "A Blog for the Nice Folks in AOL's Marylanders Over 35 Chat Room."
So, it'll be ugliness and drama free! Which means, among other things, that there will be no Anonymous comments allowed.
Another key feature is that each of you will be an "author" and thus free to post your own articles! Bonnie has already posted an article on the blog with details of how to do so.
I also hope that it'll be a lot more than just long articles by me. (Although I do encourage any and all articles by anyone.) I'd like it to be more like the old message boards: a place for posting announcements (births, marriages, graduations, awards, etc.); asking for help (from our many experts in law, medicine, cooking, mechanical stuff, etc.); exchanging recipes and such; jokes; stories; and the other stuff of normal living.
For now I've set it up so anyone can read it, but my approval of comments is required (mainly to keep out the Idiots). I'll probably eventually close it off to the public. So, Blogger will soon be sending you an email asking you to register with the blog. It requires prior registration with Google or Blogger. Both are a minor hassle... sorry about that. Note that AOL often dumps email from Blogger into your spam folder.
I "white list" for email and each of you has been added to my mail controls. If you change your email address or want to add one, just let me know. Ditto for anyone you wish to refer to the blog. My IMs remain open to anyone (except a few dunderheads).
I hope you both enjoy reading and participating in the new blog...
Christopher
Sunday, August 7, 2011
"Zeeke's Triumphant Return!"
(Written 8/3/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders blog)
Well, not so much...
When Zeeke first noticed that AOL had closed all the chat rooms Tuesday morning, he cursed a bit that his ISP had booted him while he was out for a few hours getting "piss drunk" and "tearing up pussy." But, according to my sources deep within Zombie World, much worse was coming...
He quickly found out that Bonnie had beaten Pantry to the Over 35 room bolt by a few seconds. But far worse, Bonnie had later turned the bolt back over to ME.
Facing another couple of months without the bolt he desperately craves, Zeeke began screaming, "The Hepwhore stole MY bolt and gave MY bolt to Gurlyfag!!!"
His mother, alas, was in the other room and tried to calm Zeeke down. But by then he was on the floor pounding his fists, screaming, turning unpleasant shades of red and blue, and gasping for air. His mom got so concerned she called 911.
Because I'm not the type to reveal confidential medical information, let's just say that after 24 hours of emergency treatment Zeeke is now a VERY mellow guy. And you didn't hear it here, BUT... his 12-step meetings for AOL Addiction are every Tuesday and Thursday at the Frederick Community Center at 9 p.m.
As you can see from this print screen, Zeeke returned to his room earlier today. Ham had put out a LOT of publicity about it, but the results are clear.
MAFIA and Muddy were, of course, nowhere near their computers. Pantry was scared to say anything after Bonnie beat her to the bolt for the Over 35 room. And Ham gave Zeeke a nice Air Hug and went back to an IM with her boss.
But Zeeke shouldn't have been surprised. His rapidly-emptying room has only averaged *9* SNs in it since the rooms reset. Perhaps it'll increase later in the week when several of the Permanent Campers <> who only chat once in a blue moon return.
OR... maybe some people are beginning to realize that hatred of others isn't a good enough common factor for a chat room, that Zeeke and the Zombies are really rather disgusting people, and so they moved on when Zeeke wasn't around to whip them into yet another frenzy.
Poor, poor Zeeke...
Well, not so much...
When Zeeke first noticed that AOL had closed all the chat rooms Tuesday morning, he cursed a bit that his ISP had booted him while he was out for a few hours getting "piss drunk" and "tearing up pussy." But, according to my sources deep within Zombie World, much worse was coming...
He quickly found out that Bonnie had beaten Pantry to the Over 35 room bolt by a few seconds. But far worse, Bonnie had later turned the bolt back over to ME.
Facing another couple of months without the bolt he desperately craves, Zeeke began screaming, "The Hepwhore stole MY bolt and gave MY bolt to Gurlyfag!!!"
His mother, alas, was in the other room and tried to calm Zeeke down. But by then he was on the floor pounding his fists, screaming, turning unpleasant shades of red and blue, and gasping for air. His mom got so concerned she called 911.
Because I'm not the type to reveal confidential medical information, let's just say that after 24 hours of emergency treatment Zeeke is now a VERY mellow guy. And you didn't hear it here, BUT... his 12-step meetings for AOL Addiction are every Tuesday and Thursday at the Frederick Community Center at 9 p.m.
As you can see from this print screen, Zeeke returned to his room earlier today. Ham had put out a LOT of publicity about it, but the results are clear.
MAFIA and Muddy were, of course, nowhere near their computers. Pantry was scared to say anything after Bonnie beat her to the bolt for the Over 35 room. And Ham gave Zeeke a nice Air Hug and went back to an IM with her boss.
But Zeeke shouldn't have been surprised. His rapidly-emptying room has only averaged *9* SNs in it since the rooms reset. Perhaps it'll increase later in the week when several of the Permanent Campers <
OR... maybe some people are beginning to realize that hatred of others isn't a good enough common factor for a chat room, that Zeeke and the Zombies are really rather disgusting people, and so they moved on when Zeeke wasn't around to whip them into yet another frenzy.
Poor, poor Zeeke...
Monday, August 1, 2011
"Major vs. Minor Stupidity"
(Written by ChristopherK2 8/1/11 for the Uglier Marylanders blog)
An old saying goes something like, "We are all stupid for five minutes a day. Wisdom consists of not exceeding that limit."
I've always thought that a bit simplistic because it doesn't distinguish between levels of stupidity. Shouldn't a major stupidity count, say, five times as much as a minor one?
I'm sure you're asking yourself... Minor? Major? Huh?
Examples of minor stupidities include spilling bleach on a shirt, arriving at work two hours late just for giggles, putting salt in your freshwater fish tank, and lusting after one of Zeeke's Zombies.
Pretty bad, huh? But there's worse, FAR worse, my friends. Here's the sad, sad story of my most recent Major Stupidity.
My fiancee, Pamela, and I were about to head to the local swimming pool for the afternoon. She came out of the bathroom dressed in a lovely new two-piece swimming suit. She twirled to model it and asked me those words every guy dreads hearing, "Does this make my ass look fat?"
I thought back to how well I was prepared for this moment, all the training over my life from various women, the long discussions about it with other men, and...
Then she said "Well???" Apparently I had been fondly recalling my preparations without ever actually saying the word, and was just sitting there with that Dead Trout Look. I quickly blurted out "NO!!!" But it was way too late; I was toast.
Her quick "That's IT??? Just a 'No'?" started me sweating heavily.
At this point I was only in Minor Stupidity territory. But I then forgot another old adage ("When you've dug yourself into a hole, the first rule is 'Stop Digging'"). So I quickly moved into Major Stupidity level.
When under stress, I often go into Hyperbole Mode. So I spewed out, "Sorry dear, I was just mesmerized by your mounting glory of a derriere."
I might as well have kicked her dog. She went into THAT look that says "You ain't getting ANY anytime soon!" and snarled, "You think my ass looks like a Mounting Glory?!?!?!?"
In hindsight, it was really a lot like watching Eddie Murray go after a high fast ball. But at the time, I had other concerns. I had nowhere to go and nothing worthwhile to say. So I apologized profusely and promised to buy her some very expensive chocolate.
We eventually made it to the swimming pool and just to rub my nose in it, every time she headed to the diving board--as she walked away--she wiggled her butt a bit and tugged the bottom of her suit over the non-existent flab.
She's a size 6-8 and so has a delightful butt. And I'm sometimes Majorly Stupid.
I would, however, appreciate any help y'all can provide. It would be great if each of you emailed her at PamelasAssDoesNOTLookFatInThat@aol.com with some kind words. And Guys, please add something disgusting like "I want to do you right HERE, right NOW" so I look like comparatively less of a pig. Thanks...
Oh, and I have the same question for y'all that Pamela had for me on the way home from the pool: What the heck is a "mounting glory"??? I hate it when random neurons fire in the deep recesses of my brain.
An old saying goes something like, "We are all stupid for five minutes a day. Wisdom consists of not exceeding that limit."
I've always thought that a bit simplistic because it doesn't distinguish between levels of stupidity. Shouldn't a major stupidity count, say, five times as much as a minor one?
I'm sure you're asking yourself... Minor? Major? Huh?
Examples of minor stupidities include spilling bleach on a shirt, arriving at work two hours late just for giggles, putting salt in your freshwater fish tank, and lusting after one of Zeeke's Zombies.
Pretty bad, huh? But there's worse, FAR worse, my friends. Here's the sad, sad story of my most recent Major Stupidity.
My fiancee, Pamela, and I were about to head to the local swimming pool for the afternoon. She came out of the bathroom dressed in a lovely new two-piece swimming suit. She twirled to model it and asked me those words every guy dreads hearing, "Does this make my ass look fat?"
I thought back to how well I was prepared for this moment, all the training over my life from various women, the long discussions about it with other men, and...
Then she said "Well???" Apparently I had been fondly recalling my preparations without ever actually saying the word, and was just sitting there with that Dead Trout Look. I quickly blurted out "NO!!!" But it was way too late; I was toast.
Her quick "That's IT??? Just a 'No'?" started me sweating heavily.
At this point I was only in Minor Stupidity territory. But I then forgot another old adage ("When you've dug yourself into a hole, the first rule is 'Stop Digging'"). So I quickly moved into Major Stupidity level.
When under stress, I often go into Hyperbole Mode. So I spewed out, "Sorry dear, I was just mesmerized by your mounting glory of a derriere."
I might as well have kicked her dog. She went into THAT look that says "You ain't getting ANY anytime soon!" and snarled, "You think my ass looks like a Mounting Glory?!?!?!?"
In hindsight, it was really a lot like watching Eddie Murray go after a high fast ball. But at the time, I had other concerns. I had nowhere to go and nothing worthwhile to say. So I apologized profusely and promised to buy her some very expensive chocolate.
We eventually made it to the swimming pool and just to rub my nose in it, every time she headed to the diving board--as she walked away--she wiggled her butt a bit and tugged the bottom of her suit over the non-existent flab.
She's a size 6-8 and so has a delightful butt. And I'm sometimes Majorly Stupid.
I would, however, appreciate any help y'all can provide. It would be great if each of you emailed her at PamelasAssDoesNOTLookFatInThat@aol.com with some kind words. And Guys, please add something disgusting like "I want to do you right HERE, right NOW" so I look like comparatively less of a pig. Thanks...
Oh, and I have the same question for y'all that Pamela had for me on the way home from the pool: What the heck is a "mounting glory"??? I hate it when random neurons fire in the deep recesses of my brain.
Thursday, July 28, 2011
"Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics"
(Written 7/27/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders blog)
That's part of an old quote attributed to Disraeli and others, "There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics."
Zeeke normally specializes in the first two classic types of lies, but he's recently ventured into manipulating statistics to cover his shrinking chat room. 22 to 2? Ya'right... like that old print screen had any relevance to his room or the Over 35 one.
The stone cold reality is that *both* rooms are doing poorly, and the combined totals show a rapidly-shrinking group.
Zeeke's Love Fest ("ZLF") room barely averaged *10* SNs in it during the first half of July and the Over 35 ("35+") room just over half of that. The ZLF declined precipitously during that time, no doubt due to Zeeke bolting "marginal tards." The ZLF had somewhat more SNs in it at lunchtime, and both rooms were noticeably more popular during the evenings. 35+ was also very active in the early mornings.
So much for Zeeke's unsupported claim that the ZLF is "one of the most popular chatrooms on AOL." It isn't.
As to Zeeke's boast that "I didnt expect 95% of the old room to share my vision and follow to a better place," well, they didn't. That's just a bald-faced lie. Each room now has about 55-60 discrete SNs as recurring roomies (excluding bots, duplicate SNs, etc.). The 35+ room actually comes out ahead on total counts because nearly a dozen of the ZLF regulars also visit the 35+ room.
So if the SN counts are about the same, why does the ZLF average twice as many SNs in it? That's an easy one. 35+ only has a few Campers
Both rooms are well below the counts needed for a healthy, sustaining room, and the combined totals are remarkably fewer than just a year to 18 months ago. In the short-term, the main reason for that is obviously the splitting up of the rooms. The numbers in each are shrinking probably because people come in, see few or none are typing, and then leave.
In the longer term, IMHO, the drama imposed by Zeeke and the Zombies has decimated the overall totals. You simply cannot routinely bolt "50+" people and not expect a fair percentage of them to just leave forever. Ditto for ruthlessly assaulting people simply because you don't like them. Doing either not only directly reduces the group, but drives away others who simply don't want to watch the drama.
At this point, the group is more dysfunctional than Congress and the President dealing with the debt ceiling problem. If we as a group are unable to re
concile our differences (as the politicians are now doing), my great fear is that the numbers will soon drop below critical mass, and the rooms will then implode on themselves.Below is a print screen showing both rooms last Thursday evening with a total of just 22 SNs, the majority of which were Campers. This sucks folks...
Monday, July 25, 2011
Cherry Bombed
Ugly was sent this and I just can't understand how these people think their blogs are popular like dis one. One is explainable with wet brain, the other is just a socially malfunctioning winner locked in his Momma's hubbards from what readers tell us.
This is the amount of comments our loser competition had compared to ours. Can we say Cherry Bombed?
Thanks for continuing to make Ugly's and the Swami's blog the most popular around!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Gut-a-rexia?
As requested, here are the bik pics
That gives a whole new meaning to anorexia. I always thought you saw ribs sticking out and no body fat. Here we have an elephant gut, fat sticking out around the bikini lines, and very sagging boobs.
I've often wondered if Rose lives through her daughter. As you can see below, there's one woman with a beautiful face, thin waist, nice boobs. Next to it is a pale unattractive woman, gut on her, and very saggy boobs.
Rose, since you're one of our biggest readers, can you explain a couple things?
A. Why would a middle-aged woman be wearing her daughter's clothes?
B. Why is this man's hand on your daughter's boob? He looks old enough to be her father.
C. Is it normal in your famly to hold toddler's upside down like this? Did this happen to you as a child?
Tuesday, July 19, 2011
"That Was Then..."
(Written 7/18/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
That Was Then...
When the chat room was first split up by Zeeke forming his own room, he was full of bravado. (Gee... who would've guessed that?) So we saw a lot of statements from him like these:
<< ... one of the most popular chatrooms on AOL. >>
<< Since my new chat is doing so well... my new wildly popular room. >>
<< Of course being in the more popular Maryland room has its advantages (like words moving on a screen) >>
<< Quivering Liver: The other room is full at the moment, mind if I park here until a space becomes available? >>
This Is Now...
The Universe has an uncanny way of evening things out, doesn't it? So Zeeke, in the midst of a long-term decline in his room's popularity, was recently reduced to this sad situation:
I feel his pain... Chuckle Chuckle
Sunday, July 17, 2011
"Regrettable But Necessary"
(Written 7/15/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)I had hoped I wouldn't have to write this article.
I announced earlier that I wouldn't ban any Room Regular, and I firmly believed that I would be able to stick to that pledge. But I haven't been able to. I had to ban EminenceFrontal.
By way of analogy, we all have freedom of speech via the First Amendment to the Constitution of the United States. But there are many exceptions to that seemingly absolute freedom. Some examples are "fighting words," defamation, sedition, and yelling "fire" in a crowded movie theatre.
I had initially thought that I wouldn't have a problem with the normal crap that I've seen over the years, even by Idiots like Zeeke. We all have the Ignore and Notify AOL icons available, and that should suffice.
But I've decided that sometimes those aren't enough, and Eminence is a fine example. A couple of weeks ago, he entered the room after I had gone to bed and verbally assaulted Pam with thoroughly degrading and disgusting words and imagery. He has since repeated that with Eyore, Bonnie, and other women.
Other than pathetic little drive-bys, that's been Eminence's only reason to come into the Over 35 room. I warned him several times by putting him on a brief time-out. But he didn't take the hint, so he's gone.
It is unacceptable to me for a guy to, for example, enter the room and immediately say very vile, graphic, degrading, and disgusting things to a woman. I now consider that an exception to my normal favoring of free speech.
As to Eminence specifically, if he wants to type one-handed while saying contemptible crap to women in order to deal with his emotional demons, I'm sure AOL has rooms for that. He should check the Perv Channel or find a "My Ex Done Me Wrong" whiner room.
And to the women who've supported Eminence in the chat room as he says such loathsome words... shame on you.
Monday, July 11, 2011
"Random Musings..."
(Written 7/9/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
I recently got breasts. Not big ones, but they have potential. That's kinda nice considering I've never had any.
I guess it must be all that gardening I've been doing the last few years. People pooh-pooh the physical side of gardening, but the other day I spent two frickin' hours digging rocks out using a crowbar and a 6' digging iron. I also regularly drag around up to 200 lbs. of tools and soil amendments in my garden wagon.
Anywho... spotting my new breasts in the mirror gave me the same rush of manliness I felt when I first noticed my 10th chest hair at age 40.
Next year, maybe... biceps!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Owing to a lack of rain, I've recently had to water some or most of my plants several times. It takes 2-3 hours. There's a fine line between watering plants and just standing there looking like an idiot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I generally liked working, but I like retirement more. Retirement, however, has its downsides, like a lack of structure. Life would be perfect if there were such a thing as a high-paying, interesting job that I could work about five hours a week whenever I damn well felt like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington County recently discontinued its recycling program of having large dumpsters all over the place. I used to regularly take several large bags of bottles, cans, etc., to them. That always made my soul feel a bit better.
But it seems that I'm a fair weather recycler. There are still alternatives, but they're a hassle. I feel a bit ashamed and guilty now every time that I just dump the bags on the curb for pickup with the normal trash.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm very tossed up in the air about the NFL mess. I'd really miss watching football in the fall, especially my Redskins. On the other hand, I hope those childish billionaire owners and millionaire players rot in hell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We got almost 2" of rain the last couple of days, which really helped with my plants. I love rain! But it also makes the grass grow. I *hate* mowing. So, I hate rain!
I should switch to an Astroturf lawn... or maybe just all sand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If God granted me one wish, I'd be sorely tempted to wish for normal color vision. I detest being color blind (actually, just really REALLY pathetic). It's restricted me in so many ways over the years.
1. I can't give or follow directions "in color." You normal folks think nothing of "turn right at the end of the GREEN fence."
2. I have to rely on friends or the kindness of strangers to pick out new clothes. I minimize that by limiting my wardrobe in several ways. Hate that...
3. Some things look one color one day, but a different color another day. That's very frustrating.
4. My fav color is blue, not because I think it's pretty but because I see it very well. Unless it's a Tuesday, in which case I think it's purple. Ugghhh
I recently got breasts. Not big ones, but they have potential. That's kinda nice considering I've never had any.
I guess it must be all that gardening I've been doing the last few years. People pooh-pooh the physical side of gardening, but the other day I spent two frickin' hours digging rocks out using a crowbar and a 6' digging iron. I also regularly drag around up to 200 lbs. of tools and soil amendments in my garden wagon.
Anywho... spotting my new breasts in the mirror gave me the same rush of manliness I felt when I first noticed my 10th chest hair at age 40.
Next year, maybe... biceps!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Owing to a lack of rain, I've recently had to water some or most of my plants several times. It takes 2-3 hours. There's a fine line between watering plants and just standing there looking like an idiot.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I generally liked working, but I like retirement more. Retirement, however, has its downsides, like a lack of structure. Life would be perfect if there were such a thing as a high-paying, interesting job that I could work about five hours a week whenever I damn well felt like it.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Washington County recently discontinued its recycling program of having large dumpsters all over the place. I used to regularly take several large bags of bottles, cans, etc., to them. That always made my soul feel a bit better.
But it seems that I'm a fair weather recycler. There are still alternatives, but they're a hassle. I feel a bit ashamed and guilty now every time that I just dump the bags on the curb for pickup with the normal trash.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I'm very tossed up in the air about the NFL mess. I'd really miss watching football in the fall, especially my Redskins. On the other hand, I hope those childish billionaire owners and millionaire players rot in hell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
We got almost 2" of rain the last couple of days, which really helped with my plants. I love rain! But it also makes the grass grow. I *hate* mowing. So, I hate rain!
I should switch to an Astroturf lawn... or maybe just all sand.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
If God granted me one wish, I'd be sorely tempted to wish for normal color vision. I detest being color blind (actually, just really REALLY pathetic). It's restricted me in so many ways over the years.
1. I can't give or follow directions "in color." You normal folks think nothing of "turn right at the end of the GREEN fence."
2. I have to rely on friends or the kindness of strangers to pick out new clothes. I minimize that by limiting my wardrobe in several ways. Hate that...
3. Some things look one color one day, but a different color another day. That's very frustrating.
4. My fav color is blue, not because I think it's pretty but because I see it very well. Unless it's a Tuesday, in which case I think it's purple. Ugghhh
Monday, July 4, 2011
"When You're Bored Stupid..."
(Written 6/29/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
When you're bored stupid, this apparently is what you do:
OnlineHost: EminenceFrontal has entered the room.
EminenceFrontal: lol
EminenceFrontal: this is sad
OnlineHost: EminenceFrontal has left the room.
OnlineHost: Dee Md 9257 has entered the room.
Dee Md 9257: new room...you're not invited...life is great..ta ta
OnlineHost: Dee Md 9257 has left the room.
OnlineHost: Xalan39o3x has entered the room.
Xalan39o3x: poor bonnie
Xalan39o3x: poor poor bonnie
Xalan39o3x: tragic
Xalan39o3x: BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAH
OnlineHost: Xalan39o3x has left the room.
OnlineHost: YOUMAKEMEVOMlT6 has entered the room.
YOUMAKEMEVOMlT6: wow sure looks different in here
YOUMAKEMEVOMlT6: LOSERSSSSS...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OnlineHost: YOUMAKEMEVOMlT6 has left the room.
OnlineHost: Dee Md 9257 has entered the room.
Dee Md 9257: Bonnie..I came to tell you how much I miss you...smooches...
OnlineHost: Dee Md 9257 has left the room.
OnlineHost: Perkyonex2 has entered the room.
Perkyonex2: with auto back...you camperscan really have some interesting bowel movement chat
Quivering Liver: The other room is full at the moment, mind if I park here until a space becomes available?
Quivering Liver: damn campers.
Quivering Liver: VICTORY FOR ZOMBIES!
LoonieBoonieToon: where is that Bonnie at?
LoonieBoonieToon: oh where oh where can she be?
OnlineHost: Dee Md 9257 has entered the room.
Dee Md 9257: wow...you all sure did kill this room...way to go .....
OnlineHost: Dee Md 9257 has left the room.
When you're bored stupid, this apparently is what you do:
OnlineHost: EminenceFrontal has entered the room.
EminenceFrontal: lol
EminenceFrontal: this is sad
OnlineHost: EminenceFrontal has left the room.
OnlineHost: Dee Md 9257 has entered the room.
Dee Md 9257: new room...you're not invited...life is great..ta ta
OnlineHost: Dee Md 9257 has left the room.
OnlineHost: Xalan39o3x has entered the room.
Xalan39o3x: poor bonnie
Xalan39o3x: poor poor bonnie
Xalan39o3x: tragic
Xalan39o3x: BAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHAH
OnlineHost: Xalan39o3x has left the room.
OnlineHost: YOUMAKEMEVOMlT6 has entered the room.
YOUMAKEMEVOMlT6: wow sure looks different in here
YOUMAKEMEVOMlT6: LOSERSSSSS...HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
OnlineHost: YOUMAKEMEVOMlT6 has left the room.
OnlineHost: Dee Md 9257 has entered the room.
Dee Md 9257: Bonnie..I came to tell you how much I miss you...smooches...
OnlineHost: Dee Md 9257 has left the room.
OnlineHost: Perkyonex2 has entered the room.
Perkyonex2: with auto back...you campers
Quivering Liver: The other room is full at the moment, mind if I park here until a space becomes available?
Quivering Liver: damn campers.
Quivering Liver: VICTORY FOR ZOMBIES!
LoonieBoonieToon: where is that Bonnie at?
LoonieBoonieToon: oh where oh where can she be?
OnlineHost: Dee Md 9257 has entered the room.
Dee Md 9257: wow...you all sure did kill this room...way to go .....
OnlineHost: Dee Md 9257 has left the room.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Ugly as ever
Ugly is back, and ugly as ever.
I've never been one to embarrass easily. I fully understand that I was born of parents who rightfully should have been embraced by a roadside freak show, so my threshold for embarrassment is non-existent.
I also had an older brother who took great pride in reminding me daily of how ugly I am. He'd encourage me to wear ski-masks in the summer, and even till this day he buys me Hunchback of Notre Dame videos for Christmas. Best of all, he would leave the lid up and the bowl unflushed after his daily dusting. Wouldn't have been all that bad had he not told me daily to go look in the mirror in the bowl..
Not to mention, being so clumsy as a child, I was reduced to playing with the girls. There's no better way to be told you're ugly than to have to spend every afternoon with the neighborhood girls. Afternoons that consisted of having my hair style till I had 9 degrees of hair unfitness, being pinned down and having the latest eye shadows tested out on my lids first, you get the drift. Thanks to Ivana Nitikitin, I now boast nine eyelashes after she read that they eyelashes grow back very long if you pluck them all and put mink oil on your lids. (I will refrain from telling you of what happened when these girls got older and needed someone to model clothes for them.)
When you're ugly you get very thick skin. It's a curse, and a blessing. You don't have to worry much about older cougars showing up at your door. You don't have to worry about any woman showing up at your door. Hell you don't even have to worry about people looking at you at all.
Russians are worst than prostitutes on Rodeo drive. Russian liquor, cold weather, and being locked in for weeks at a time have beds rocking like jackhammers. Russians fuck, and fuck a lot. Few are virgins past 13. Unless you are hideous looking. Having bulbous eyes that couldn't stop looking at each other, being cursed with thick trout lips that never set together due to a severe overbite, slumped shoulders, elongated ears with hair all over them, a curvy nose that left girls asking if "it" was the same way, just didn't get the women flocking. Even with vast amounts of liquor.
Hanging out with girls prepared me for my eventual best blessing. Being one of the girls growing up isn't fun for a guy, but it has it's pays off. First you get to see every female in town in various states of undress as they consult you for your fashion opinion. This leads you to having more staying power than any guy around, way before you ever get any. Just try sprouting a woody in a room full of females holding a lingerie party. I still have the scars from the heels I was beat with.
Second, you learn exactly what females like and don't like. There's no dating needed to learn this when you have one girl after another telling you of her experience with this vibrator, that one,
I suppose I should let you know my bitch days went much deeper than just this. Of course I was the one sent to town to buy maxi-pads, I had to go to the depot and pick up the vibrators that were always ordered under my name, I was asked to check their shave jobs and occasionally fix them, asked to zip up tight clothing, paint nails, and so on.
Men will fight wars over pussy. Or to obtain it. When you're ugly as hell, you know there's two ways you're going to get regularly laid. After the first prostitute I approached scurried away, I knew I had to hit the books. And hard. I studied, and studied, and studied. Then came a scholarship. Two years later, I'm still not getting laid, so I apply to a distinguished program for Engineers. I'm accepted. I rush off to a foreign land.
Five years later, I have two degrees and a good job. 25 and still a virgin. I'd be a liar if I told you there wasn't a few opportunities. Drunk college girls are easier than lot lizard begging hairy truckers to spare $5 for a gum less blow job. I had a few crawl in my bed. However, I just couldn't bring myself to taking advantage of them in their state of intoxication.
I was 26 when I first laid eyes on her. The bluest eyes, the kind you just can get lost in. She had short bouncy hair, perfect skin, thick eyebrows, and a shrilly but cute voice that said how are you in a warm way. I nodded and of course looked right away she said that in passing. I didn't see her again for a few weeks, this time I ran into her at a local park. On her hair was a butterfly clip this time. She walked right up to me, and said, "Hey, aren't you the guy who saved that kitten from being hit by the car?"
(A few months before this I saw someone discard a box out of a vehicle. Right after, I noticed the box moving, so I ran over to it. A small kitten was in it).
"Why yes, I was." She went on to tell me just how much she appreciated that. That her roommate had brought the kitten home that night, and how she had fell completely in love with it. She told me she wanted to thank me for doing this when a home cooked dinner. I couldn't stop looking at this woman. She was drop dead gorgeous, so I quickly accepted.
Soon after this, we became very good friends. She had grown up in Vancouver, had a degree in Interior Decorating but worked in a cake shop, and had come to Germany with a friend for one year. She loved to sing, dance, cook desserts, make jewelry, explore museums, swim, and wanted two children. She was very spirited, loved to be around people, and had non-stop energy. On the weekends, we began traveling all over Germany with roommate Veronica and her boyfriend Raphael.
Of course, I was very careful to walk behind her, never make any attempt to hit on her. I knew I'd never have a chance in hell with this girl; she was breathtakingly beautiful. She didn't have a boyfriend at the time, but dated many men. Being the bitch of my childhood, she sought my dating therapy, and I gave it to her, ever so keeping my jealousy to myself.
After one year, she left, and I cried for a week straight. For the first time in my life, I was deeply in love. I continued to call her every day. I missed those blue eyes so much I began painting them. One very brave night thanks to Grey Goose, I shipped a painting I had made of her. She called me up crying, saying that was the most touching thing anyone had every done for her. On and on she went about how I am the only guy in the world who has ever listened to her, that I'm the only guy in the world she can completely trust, and so on. She suggested I move to Vancouver because she greatly missed our friendship.
Three months later, I transferred to Seattle. On the weekends I'd transport to Vancouver. We spent every single weekend together, in between her dating schedule. She was not 27. I picked her up and comforted her weekend after weekend as one guy after another didn't appreciate her beautiful soul, listening to her deep wails from a heartbreak.
One night, about four years after we first met, she called me up and asked me to come meet her at a hotel. I got there and she was in an pearl evening dress with matching heels. My heart beat was faster and faster seeing her. She led me to a table with a candlelight on it. We were the only persons in the room.
"Rocco, I want to marry you," and she presented a set of rings. I was floored, we had never even kissed. She giggled and said give me your hand, and made a bitch out of me putting a ring on my left finger. I quickly took it off and slid it on her finger, and asked some deep questions. We were married five months later.
We made an arrangement on my wedding night. I'd pretend always to be some stranger behind her in public, never appear in any tight-wighties around her, and the lights will always be kept off during well. She would continue to be my best friend and lover if so.
The 24th was the 14th year anniversary of marrying my best friend in the world. We celebrated this with a trip to Sweden.
Happy Anniversary to the most beautiful woman I've ever laid eyes on, the mother of my children, my wife Monika.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
"Quit Your Pathetic Whining!"
(Written by ChristopherK2 6/22/11 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
Zeeke and Vomit have recently gone on a serious whinefest on their blogs about me holding the bolt in the Over 35 room. They even incorporated lots of cutesy drawings, including my fav caricature of me by SexySplder.
But their articles are built on a common LIE... that me holding the bolt is somehow connected to them starting a new room. It's not. I'm sure they both know that I do not (unlike Zeeke) bolt room regulars nor do I (as Zeeke blogged) "censor" anyone. Many of the regulars in their room have been chatting in the Over 35 room without incident since I've had the bolt, including Perky, Alan, Dee, Cindy, Mafia, Pantry, Feefers, Jazzys, and even Vomit himself (with whom I recently had a pleasant chat).
If they (or anyone) want to be in their own room because they don't like me and/or Bonnie and/or anyone else, they could've easily done that at any time BEFORE I got the bolt. My ownership of the bolt is meaningless per se, except that the room no longer gets infected with bots, trollers, etc.
And Zeeke did his usual dance... complaining in one post that I was being too nice to Vomit on Vomit's blog, and doing a 180 on the next post, claiming I was trying to "thwart the efforts of the new blogger at everyturn." ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz Doesn't he ever get tired of that intellectual whiplash?
As to Vomit's new blog, it's often amusing and I've complimented him on it (contrary to Zeeke's recent whining). Vomit's even characterized me as a "fan." I've told him, however, that doing a bash & run of me wasn't especially cool.
So, if you guys want to stay in your room for whatever reason, fine with me. I enjoy the Over 35 room as it is, and as I have for almost 15 years. But please DO accept responsibility for YOUR decisions, and don't use ME as a straw man to shift the blame. Only Zombies will buy your LIES and weak logic. Which was probably your target audience anyway...
Zeeke and Vomit have recently gone on a serious whinefest on their blogs about me holding the bolt in the Over 35 room. They even incorporated lots of cutesy drawings, including my fav caricature of me by SexySplder.
But their articles are built on a common LIE... that me holding the bolt is somehow connected to them starting a new room. It's not. I'm sure they both know that I do not (unlike Zeeke) bolt room regulars nor do I (as Zeeke blogged) "censor" anyone. Many of the regulars in their room have been chatting in the Over 35 room without incident since I've had the bolt, including Perky, Alan, Dee, Cindy, Mafia, Pantry, Feefers, Jazzys, and even Vomit himself (with whom I recently had a pleasant chat).
If they (or anyone) want to be in their own room because they don't like me and/or Bonnie and/or anyone else, they could've easily done that at any time BEFORE I got the bolt. My ownership of the bolt is meaningless per se, except that the room no longer gets infected with bots, trollers, etc.
And Zeeke did his usual dance... complaining in one post that I was being too nice to Vomit on Vomit's blog, and doing a 180 on the next post, claiming I was trying to "thwart the efforts of the new blogger at everyturn." ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz Doesn't he ever get tired of that intellectual whiplash?
As to Vomit's new blog, it's often amusing and I've complimented him on it (contrary to Zeeke's recent whining). Vomit's even characterized me as a "fan." I've told him, however, that doing a bash & run of me wasn't especially cool.
So, if you guys want to stay in your room for whatever reason, fine with me. I enjoy the Over 35 room as it is, and as I have for almost 15 years. But please DO accept responsibility for YOUR decisions, and don't use ME as a straw man to shift the blame. Only Zombies will buy your LIES and weak logic. Which was probably your target audience anyway...
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
"Chicks Dig It"
(Written 6/17/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
I *try* to smoke all of my cigarettes out on my patio. I do this not because I dislike the smell but because others tell me it makes my house stink.
But I'm not batting 1.000. A cigarette seems right when taking a nice dump. And it's hard to go without one for as long as it takes to shave, shower, and dress. And after waking, I can't wait thru getting dressed (especially since I started using compression socks... ugghh), etc., for that first one of the day. And then there's... I think y'all get the picture.
So, I probably smoke about five cigarettes a day in my bathroom, with the exhaust fan running during and for about 10 minutes after.
I had been using some neutral-scented air freshener (Lysol? I forget.), but it recently ran out. While shopping at the store for a replacement, I noticed that nearly all of the current brands have... ummm... chick scents. There is NO "Eau de Budweiser," "Hamburger Sizzling on a Grill," or even "3-Day Old Sweat." Phooey!
Left to pick from all the Chick Scents, I remembered back to a chat with a Hot Babe cashier at a car wash in Phoenix, AZ. She said I *should* have a scent thing hanging from my mirror; the favorite scent among Hot Babes like her was, oddly enough, Vanilla; and, we're having a Special on it TODAY ONLY for JUST $10. Like ANY guy, I would've bought Eau de Brussels Sprouts if SHE had recommended it.
Naturally, I then searched for a vanilla-scented air freshener. There weren't any that were *just* vanilla. Yeah, let's NOT make it easy on the Buyer. So I settled for Febreze's "Lavender, Vanilla & Comfort." Lavender I like. What's "Comfort"??? I have no idea, but I'm sure it's absolutely splendid. Why else would Febreze stick it in there?
About now, I'm sure you're wondering: why is Christopher torturing himself over bathroom air fresheners? That automatically means you're a Chick. Any Guy would know. We do this on the off chance that Angelina Jolie will knock on our door asking to use our bathroom. And somehow she'll be soooooooooo impressed with our bathroom odor that she'll want to have sex with us, and right NOW. D'oh!
Sooooo, five times a day I'm saturating my bathroom with the lovely smells of lavender, vanilla, and juniper. Juniper? Yes, that's what Febreze's web site says the "Comfort" scent is. Ya'right... not to THIS gardener. A juniper is a boring evergreen tree/shrub that when cut smells like, well... sap. Alrighty then...
In my totally uneducated olfactory view, the Fabreze, cig smoke, and other normal bathroom odors have combined to make my bathroom smell like a French Whore. Few Guys really know what a French Whore smells like. The rest of us just use the term to describe what a woman smells like who uses waaaaaaaaaaay too much cheapass toilet water bought in the handy gallon bottle with a hand pump. Oh, and our grandmothers.
Worse, I haven't yet figured out how to avoid getting drenched by the bazillion droplets that invade the bathroom every time I use that "sweeping motion" to spray "throughout the entire room." (I'm German. I follow directions *exactly*.) I've tried bobbing and weaving, backing out of the room while spraying, and covering myself in a bath towel. No luck. Now, of course, *I* smell like a French Whore for most of the day.
Given my usual luck with women, Angelina Jolie WILL stop by next week and WILL ask to use my bathroom. When she comes out, however, she'll say, "I *hate* that 'Comfort' odor. It smells like frickin' SAP. I HATE Sap. It reminds me of the rain forests we're killing off EVERY DAY. If you had used just Vanilla, I would've come out of the bathroom in my sexiest lingerie and high heels and said, 'Do me NOW, Big Boy'."
Oh well... maybe Jennifer Aniston loves the smell of sap...
I *try* to smoke all of my cigarettes out on my patio. I do this not because I dislike the smell but because others tell me it makes my house stink.
But I'm not batting 1.000. A cigarette seems right when taking a nice dump. And it's hard to go without one for as long as it takes to shave, shower, and dress. And after waking, I can't wait thru getting dressed (especially since I started using compression socks... ugghh), etc., for that first one of the day. And then there's... I think y'all get the picture.
So, I probably smoke about five cigarettes a day in my bathroom, with the exhaust fan running during and for about 10 minutes after.
I had been using some neutral-scented air freshener (Lysol? I forget.), but it recently ran out. While shopping at the store for a replacement, I noticed that nearly all of the current brands have... ummm... chick scents. There is NO "Eau de Budweiser," "Hamburger Sizzling on a Grill," or even "3-Day Old Sweat." Phooey!
Left to pick from all the Chick Scents, I remembered back to a chat with a Hot Babe cashier at a car wash in Phoenix, AZ. She said I *should* have a scent thing hanging from my mirror; the favorite scent among Hot Babes like her was, oddly enough, Vanilla; and, we're having a Special on it TODAY ONLY for JUST $10. Like ANY guy, I would've bought Eau de Brussels Sprouts if SHE had recommended it.
Naturally, I then searched for a vanilla-scented air freshener. There weren't any that were *just* vanilla. Yeah, let's NOT make it easy on the Buyer. So I settled for Febreze's "Lavender, Vanilla & Comfort." Lavender I like. What's "Comfort"??? I have no idea, but I'm sure it's absolutely splendid. Why else would Febreze stick it in there?
About now, I'm sure you're wondering: why is Christopher torturing himself over bathroom air fresheners? That automatically means you're a Chick. Any Guy would know. We do this on the off chance that Angelina Jolie will knock on our door asking to use our bathroom. And somehow she'll be soooooooooo impressed with our bathroom odor that she'll want to have sex with us, and right NOW. D'oh!
Sooooo, five times a day I'm saturating my bathroom with the lovely smells of lavender, vanilla, and juniper. Juniper? Yes, that's what Febreze's web site says the "Comfort" scent is. Ya'right... not to THIS gardener. A juniper is a boring evergreen tree/shrub that when cut smells like, well... sap. Alrighty then...
In my totally uneducated olfactory view, the Fabreze, cig smoke, and other normal bathroom odors have combined to make my bathroom smell like a French Whore. Few Guys really know what a French Whore smells like. The rest of us just use the term to describe what a woman smells like who uses waaaaaaaaaaay too much cheapass toilet water bought in the handy gallon bottle with a hand pump. Oh, and our grandmothers.
Worse, I haven't yet figured out how to avoid getting drenched by the bazillion droplets that invade the bathroom every time I use that "sweeping motion" to spray "throughout the entire room." (I'm German. I follow directions *exactly*.) I've tried bobbing and weaving, backing out of the room while spraying, and covering myself in a bath towel. No luck. Now, of course, *I* smell like a French Whore for most of the day.
Given my usual luck with women, Angelina Jolie WILL stop by next week and WILL ask to use my bathroom. When she comes out, however, she'll say, "I *hate* that 'Comfort' odor. It smells like frickin' SAP. I HATE Sap. It reminds me of the rain forests we're killing off EVERY DAY. If you had used just Vanilla, I would've come out of the bathroom in my sexiest lingerie and high heels and said, 'Do me NOW, Big Boy'."
Oh well... maybe Jennifer Aniston loves the smell of sap...
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Instructions for Cindy
I was asked by an old friend of yours to post these instructions.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jh9lUakyPKE
Shave! If you can't reach it get a close friend to.
Douche. It could be internal not external.
If it still smells, go see a doctor it could be an infection.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jh9lUakyPKE
Shave! If you can't reach it get a close friend to.
Douche. It could be internal not external.
If it still smells, go see a doctor it could be an infection.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
"Welcome to Blog World, Vomit"
(Written 6/14/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)Didn't Vomit often used to say, "Anyone who has a blog is a Loser"? Well, now he be one!
And who knew that he could actually write things that vaguely look like whole paragraphs?
But one tip, Vomit: when your Zombie Master publicizes your blog one day and adds that "I'll keep the mystery blogger a secret," it probably wasn't a good idea to open your blog the next day with your SN splattered all over it. << chuckle, chuckle >> It just adds to the general impression that he's slowly losing control over Zombie World.
I also seem to recall you regularly commenting negatively on my pics. (Or maybe that was the Zombie from Florida whateverhissnis. Sorry if I've confused you two... quite understandable, though. Two peas in a bigoted, ugly, stupid, negative pod, so to speak...) And I see that you included your pic on your blog. I'm a very
nice guy and would never say anything negative about your appearance. So let's just leave it at neither of us looks like Brad Pitt. But at least one of us always looks sober in his pics...As to your personal advice to me to "GET OUT AND MEET PEOPLE," I was glad to see that you expanded on Ham's and Cindy's utterly stupid comments to an avid gardener that I should get outside more for some fresh air and sunshine. << snort >> But coming from someone who (1) now writes what, 5?, articles a day for his blog, (2) yammers in the chat room for several hours a day, and (3) gets "piss drunk" on the weekends, WTF exactly are YOU to give ANYONE social advice? And when you've met about 500 AOLers among thousands of others, give me a holler.
Personally, I think you're still just pissed at me for repeatedly pointing out what a frickin' ugly racist you are. That NWordVomit nickname I gave you stung, huh? Oh well, boo frickin' hoo.
As to your genuinely clueless comment about your perception of my negativity here, let's see you post some original poetry or fiction on your blog, then we'll talk. Or nice pics of pretty flowers? Articles about interesting events in your life? Anything other than your pale imitation of Zeeke's relentless, disgusting, and boring ugliness would be a nice change of pace for you.
BTW, I loved your disclaimer that you NEVER EVER read this blog, except of course, "JUST TODAY THO, AFTER SOMEONE SENT ME THE LINK." As your Zombie Master often says, "That's some funny shit right there."
Saturday, June 11, 2011
How's the new look?
We at Ugly Marylanders decided a new look was needed. Let us know your thoughts.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
"Ann Coulter Trashes Zeeke and the Zombies"
(Written 6/9/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders blog)
For those of you not familiar with Ann Coulter, she's the blond bombshell/ super-intelligent lawyer/ and right wing, fire-breathing, award-winning columnist, author, speaker, and tv commentator. Some of her trashing of liberals and others who cross her has been legendary.
I recently sent her some materials about Zeeke and the Zombies and she decided they were worthy of a column. She said she'd have to disguise them as liberals because, frankly, no one gives a crap about Zeeke and the Zombies outside of a small, meaningless corner of AOL.
Her initial summary of Zeeke and the Zombies was, "(they) have all the earmarks of mob psychology. Their myths, slogans, demands for immediate action, messianic goals, demonization of opponents... and occasional resorts to violence--all this is classic herd behavior."
Shades of Mensa, sure, but oh so familiar to anyone who has watched Zeeke and the Zombies in action in the chat room. The endless threats of violence, especially, by Zeeke and several of the male Zombies apparently greatly affected Ann. And their widespread use of ugly nicknames such as "Ol Faggy" and "Cocksuckingjewfagbitch" surely offended her keen intellect and sensibilities.
She went on to note that, "(Zombies) are irrational, immature, subject to wild passions and infatuations, they cannot be reasoned with. And they are always dangerous."
The lady knows how to zero in on a target, doesn't she?
She heated up with, "The mob attributes of (Zombies)... are a crowd's inability to perceive contradictions and its tendency to form an infatuation for an individual."
I guess she must've noticed the many times Zeeke and the Zombies tell others what to do that they themselves are unwilling to do, etc., or the toll their behavior has taken on the room over the last couple of years. And, gee, those pics of the Zombies with the "I Love Zeeke" tats no doubt caught her eye.
She next mentioned a quote from Gustave Le Bon that, "the convictions of (Zombies) assume those characteristics of blind submission, fierce intolerance, and the need of violent propaganda which are inherent in the religious sentiment."
[Don't you love people who can quote a French psychologist/socialist who died almost 80 years ago? Like I said, she's a super-intelligent and educated woman.]
Gee... blind submission by the Zombies? Check. Fierce intolerance? Check! Violent propaganda? Check!!! If he wasn't already long dead, I'd have to assume that ol Gustave was watching Zeeke and the Zombies on a widget.
Ann, of course, had a fine ending summary of what ails Zeeke and the Zombies: "Perhaps if they believed in a real God, (Zombies) wouldn't have to keep creating an endless stream of human gods." So, she essentially agrees with me; Zeeke isn't a god. He's just another Idiot!
Oh, and Ann's new book is, "Demonic: How the Liberal Mob Is Endangering America."
I'm sure it will be her *eighth* straight to make the NY Times Best Seller List. Its working title was, "How Zeeke and the Zombie Mob is Killing the Chat Room." (chuckle, chuckle)
For those of you not familiar with Ann Coulter, she's the blond bombshell/ super-intelligent lawyer/ and right wing, fire-breathing, award-winning columnist, author, speaker, and tv commentator. Some of her trashing of liberals and others who cross her has been legendary.
I recently sent her some materials about Zeeke and the Zombies and she decided they were worthy of a column. She said she'd have to disguise them as liberals because, frankly, no one gives a crap about Zeeke and the Zombies outside of a small, meaningless corner of AOL.
Her initial summary of Zeeke and the Zombies was, "(they) have all the earmarks of mob psychology. Their myths, slogans, demands for immediate action, messianic goals, demonization of opponents... and occasional resorts to violence--all this is classic herd behavior."
Shades of Mensa, sure, but oh so familiar to anyone who has watched Zeeke and the Zombies in action in the chat room. The endless threats of violence, especially, by Zeeke and several of the male Zombies apparently greatly affected Ann. And their widespread use of ugly nicknames such as "Ol Faggy" and "Cocksuckingjewfagbitch" surely offended her keen intellect and sensibilities.
She went on to note that, "(Zombies) are irrational, immature, subject to wild passions and infatuations, they cannot be reasoned with. And they are always dangerous."
The lady knows how to zero in on a target, doesn't she?
She heated up with, "The mob attributes of (Zombies)... are a crowd's inability to perceive contradictions and its tendency to form an infatuation for an individual."
I guess she must've noticed the many times Zeeke and the Zombies tell others what to do that they themselves are unwilling to do, etc., or the toll their behavior has taken on the room over the last couple of years. And, gee, those pics of the Zombies with the "I Love Zeeke" tats no doubt caught her eye.
She next mentioned a quote from Gustave Le Bon that, "the convictions of (Zombies) assume those characteristics of blind submission, fierce intolerance, and the need of violent propaganda which are inherent in the religious sentiment."
[Don't you love people who can quote a French psychologist/socialist who died almost 80 years ago? Like I said, she's a super-intelligent and educated woman.]
Gee... blind submission by the Zombies? Check. Fierce intolerance? Check! Violent propaganda? Check!!! If he wasn't already long dead, I'd have to assume that ol Gustave was watching Zeeke and the Zombies on a widget.
Ann, of course, had a fine ending summary of what ails Zeeke and the Zombies: "Perhaps if they believed in a real God, (Zombies) wouldn't have to keep creating an endless stream of human gods." So, she essentially agrees with me; Zeeke isn't a god. He's just another Idiot!
Oh, and Ann's new book is, "Demonic: How the Liberal Mob Is Endangering America."
I'm sure it will be her *eighth* straight to make the NY Times Best Seller List. Its working title was, "How Zeeke and the Zombie Mob is Killing the Chat Room." (chuckle, chuckle)
Sunday, June 5, 2011
"Ask and Ye Shall Receive... Mensa vs. Ham"
(Written 6/5/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
<< Mensa versus Ham thats an article for Chris to write >>
Although I'm not exactly thrilled with either, what the heck...
Mensa has much larger bazooms, and has that attractive sweaty look about her that men lust after but won't admit to. Mensa is either much funnier or (to borrow an appropriate Zeeke term) batshit crazy. And she's a world class typist.
Beth is prettier in a classic sense, but comparatively frail-looking. She also has stunning gams. And Beth is somewhat more educated, although both are very smart and well-educated.
Both are also apparently good mothers, although I have no great basis for saying that. Mensa's a non-linear, creative thinker, while Beth is a rather straight-forward one.
I'd take Beth to a White House State Dinner-Dance. I'd take Mensa to a honky-tonk on Shooter Night. And I'd enjoy both equally.
I'd bet the ranch on Mensa in a mud-wrestling match.
I'd also guess Mensa's much better in the sack, if you like that headboard-banging, leather & whips, primal scream scene. I think of Beth more as a quiet moaner.
But I wouldn't tell either a single personal detail of my life, unless I wanted the entire world to know it. And that's the sad rub with both... .
<< Mensa versus Ham thats an article for Chris to write >>
Although I'm not exactly thrilled with either, what the heck...
Mensa has much larger bazooms, and has that attractive sweaty look about her that men lust after but won't admit to. Mensa is either much funnier or (to borrow an appropriate Zeeke term) batshit crazy. And she's a world class typist.
Beth is prettier in a classic sense, but comparatively frail-looking. She also has stunning gams. And Beth is somewhat more educated, although both are very smart and well-educated.
Both are also apparently good mothers, although I have no great basis for saying that. Mensa's a non-linear, creative thinker, while Beth is a rather straight-forward one.
I'd take Beth to a White House State Dinner-Dance. I'd take Mensa to a honky-tonk on Shooter Night. And I'd enjoy both equally.
I'd bet the ranch on Mensa in a mud-wrestling match.
I'd also guess Mensa's much better in the sack, if you like that headboard-banging, leather & whips, primal scream scene. I think of Beth more as a quiet moaner.
But I wouldn't tell either a single personal detail of my life, unless I wanted the entire world to know it. And that's the sad rub with both... .
Saturday, June 4, 2011
"Zeeke and the Zombies Are Having Withdrawal Pains"
(Written 6/3/11 by PrancerTheSwami for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
Since the split of the room, Zeeke and the Zombies have been jonesing bad for The Swami. The Swami has gotten used to being the main focal point of Zeeke and the Zombies, but their behavior since the room split has The Swami a bit worried. The Swami has just never understood addicts and their behaviors.
Take Zeeke... please. HA HA Anyway... Zeeke's behavior has been typical. Well, typical of any addict deprived of their fix. Having impulsively chosen to create a new room out of an unjustified fear of getting bolted, he didn't realize that he could no longer call The Swami "cocksuckingfagjewbitch" 25 times a day in the old room. And his incessant whining in his new room about The Swami has obviously left him still "in need" of a Swami-bashing fix.
So, Zeeke's taken two large steps to get some relief. He's writing articles on his blog about The Swami at a feverish pace. He even felt such a strong need for a Swami Fix that he added 34 comments to one of his articles in a span of just three minutes. The Swami respectfully suggests that just posting "Swami, PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE give me some attention!!!!" would've worked as well and saved him many keystrokes.
Zeeke's second step was to send a flurry of Zombies into the regular room to let The Swami know just how very special he is. But desperation breeds stupidity, as in sending a gal who says she's a middle-aged corporate executive who's happily married, financially set, blah blah blah, into the room 100 times a day to beg people to come to his room. That's just pathetic. Seriously! And Zeeke's cowardice certainly doesn't justify pointing a stream of Zombie Drive-byers at us who have nothing more creative to say than, ":::sounds Brain Fog Horn:::." Lordy... Zeeke apparently doesn't have anyone else in his room with, say, a triple-digit IQ??? C'mon, wake Beth up for a few minutes from the semi-coma she's been in since siding with you, and have her write something with a minor spark of wit.
The Swami, in all honesty, must admit to missing Zeeke a bit. His forefinger, however, is grateful for no longer having to point at the monitor 132 times a day while The Swami mutters, "You're an Idiot!" The Swami's forefinger says that Zeeke's current pace of blogging about The Swami causes a sustainable pace of finger-pointing.
Oh, and The Swami appreciates the subtle humor of Zeeke in one article claiming he created his new room to "allow the free flow of thoughts and ideas without some cranky ole hypercritical gurlyman censoring our chat" while noting in the very next article his policy on bolting people from his room he doesn't like just for shits & giggles. That "free flow" somehow got lost during the 26 hours between articles. (chuckle, chuckle) The Swami has always been fascinated by such random musings of the lower life forms.
Since the split of the room, Zeeke and the Zombies have been jonesing bad for The Swami. The Swami has gotten used to being the main focal point of Zeeke and the Zombies, but their behavior since the room split has The Swami a bit worried. The Swami has just never understood addicts and their behaviors.
Take Zeeke... please. HA HA Anyway... Zeeke's behavior has been typical. Well, typical of any addict deprived of their fix. Having impulsively chosen to create a new room out of an unjustified fear of getting bolted, he didn't realize that he could no longer call The Swami "cocksuckingfagjewbitch" 25 times a day in the old room. And his incessant whining in his new room about The Swami has obviously left him still "in need" of a Swami-bashing fix.
So, Zeeke's taken two large steps to get some relief. He's writing articles on his blog about The Swami at a feverish pace. He even felt such a strong need for a Swami Fix that he added 34 comments to one of his articles in a span of just three minutes. The Swami respectfully suggests that just posting "Swami, PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE give me some attention!!!!" would've worked as well and saved him many keystrokes.
Zeeke's second step was to send a flurry of Zombies into the regular room to let The Swami know just how very special he is. But desperation breeds stupidity, as in sending a gal who says she's a middle-aged corporate executive who's happily married, financially set, blah blah blah, into the room 100 times a day to beg people to come to his room. That's just pathetic. Seriously! And Zeeke's cowardice certainly doesn't justify pointing a stream of Zombie Drive-byers at us who have nothing more creative to say than, ":::sounds Brain Fog Horn:::." Lordy... Zeeke apparently doesn't have anyone else in his room with, say, a triple-digit IQ??? C'mon, wake Beth up for a few minutes from the semi-coma she's been in since siding with you, and have her write something with a minor spark of wit.
The Swami, in all honesty, must admit to missing Zeeke a bit. His forefinger, however, is grateful for no longer having to point at the monitor 132 times a day while The Swami mutters, "You're an Idiot!" The Swami's forefinger says that Zeeke's current pace of blogging about The Swami causes a sustainable pace of finger-pointing.
Oh, and The Swami appreciates the subtle humor of Zeeke in one article claiming he created his new room to "allow the free flow of thoughts and ideas without some cranky ole hypercritical gurlyman censoring our chat" while noting in the very next article his policy on bolting people from his room he doesn't like just for shits & giggles. That "free flow" somehow got lost during the 26 hours between articles. (chuckle, chuckle) The Swami has always been fascinated by such random musings of the lower life forms.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
"Today, I Remember"
"Today, I Remember"
(Posted to the Uglier Marylanders blog 5/30/11 by ChristopherK2)
[FYI, this is a "prayer poem" that I originally wrote for Memorial Day, 1997, and that I've since been posting somewhere on this very special holiday. A composite pic of me and my Uncle Mike appears below.]
To the soldiers who, like my Uncle Mike, gave their lives for our country:
Too often I forget about you, but today, I remember.
My thoughts are crowded with images of the Hell you confronted.
You fought those demons, and I am awed by the bravery you summoned.
Your blood was spilled in countless places, all now hallowed grounds.
You sacrificed yourself for us, and I am humbled by your deeds.
You left behind friends and family, who must be so very proud.
But there is a hole in their lives that cannot be filled.
No mere words can properly convey the feelings that I have, now.
But, from a grateful citizen, thank you.
May your souls rest in eternal peace.
And I pray that there is a special place in Heaven reserved for you.
And to my Uncle Mike, this much more:
Your life and death have touched so many, in ways that are still being tallied.
I pray that you, Grandma, Granddad, Helen, Hilda, Celia,
Dad, Mom, and David are together again.
The rest of us will join you, soon enough.
And then our family can be whole, again.
You died in a lonely battlefield in France, surrounded by unimaginable horror.
You were so alone then... how did you find the courage?
And how do I find it? Is it within me?
You are so much a part of me, and I can never forget you.
For every time I look in the mirror, I also see you.
But today is a special day.
I honor the memory of you with this writing.
I know that it is small, compared to the sacrifice that you made.
But, from a grateful citizen, thank you.
And from your nephew, thank you for what you gave me.
May your soul rest in eternal peace.
By Christopher
Copyright 5/26/97, 5/30/11
(Posted to the Uglier Marylanders blog 5/30/11 by ChristopherK2)
[FYI, this is a "prayer poem" that I originally wrote for Memorial Day, 1997, and that I've since been posting somewhere on this very special holiday. A composite pic of me and my Uncle Mike appears below.]
To the soldiers who, like my Uncle Mike, gave their lives for our country:
Too often I forget about you, but today, I remember.
My thoughts are crowded with images of the Hell you confronted.
You fought those demons, and I am awed by the bravery you summoned.
Your blood was spilled in countless places, all now hallowed grounds.
You sacrificed yourself for us, and I am humbled by your deeds.
You left behind friends and family, who must be so very proud.
But there is a hole in their lives that cannot be filled.
No mere words can properly convey the feelings that I have, now.
But, from a grateful citizen, thank you.
May your souls rest in eternal peace.
And I pray that there is a special place in Heaven reserved for you.
And to my Uncle Mike, this much more:
Your life and death have touched so many, in ways that are still being tallied.
I pray that you, Grandma, Granddad, Helen, Hilda, Celia,
Dad, Mom, and David are together again.
The rest of us will join you, soon enough.
And then our family can be whole, again.
You died in a lonely battlefield in France, surrounded by unimaginable horror.
You were so alone then... how did you find the courage?
And how do I find it? Is it within me?
You are so much a part of me, and I can never forget you.
For every time I look in the mirror, I also see you.
But today is a special day.
I honor the memory of you with this writing.
I know that it is small, compared to the sacrifice that you made.
But, from a grateful citizen, thank you.
And from your nephew, thank you for what you gave me.
May your soul rest in eternal peace.
By Christopher
Copyright 5/26/97, 5/30/11
Friday, May 27, 2011
All hands for the Ronnie intervention
We must get Ronnie in a rehab asap.
YOUMAKEMEVOMlT6: i know for a fact ive overdosed on alcohol many many times
YOUMAKEMEVOMlT6: i know for a fact ive overdosed on alcohol many many times
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
"Caution: Children at Play"
(Written 5/24/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
[For those who didn't know, about a week ago AOL was having serious technical problems and closed all of the chat rooms four times within a day. I wound up the room owner of the Marylanders Over 35 room the last two times, and I still am. Zeeke and the Zombies fled and created their own room, despite my position that I wouldn't ban any room regulars.]
Both groups seem happy with the new arrangement, so I'm not sure why some from the other room persist in childish crap.
It's taken two forms so far. They come in to the Over 35 room under Sham screen names, like "Bonnies Liver." I have no idea who they are, so I ban them. The other childish form is the drive-by. They come in under their normal SN, fire a copy/paste of some ugly stupidity, and then hastily flee. The quickness used to be necessary to avoid getting banned, but I don't do that. So I have no idea why they flee so rapidly.
Below are some examples of the drive-bys. Keep in mind that these people are supposedly mature adults, most in their 40s or older. Perky, for example, has been around AOL many years, and says she's a corporate executive who's happily married. And yet, she now spends her precious spare time as Chief Spammer for the Zeeke Cult.
Perkyonex2: Lonely? Tired of the same old self righteous, boring rants? Visit the Love Fest Room and actually Chat with real fonts on subjects that make sense!
Perkyonex2: OnlineHost: *** You have ejected GuyLikesDark from this room ***
Perkyonex2: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[The latter remark of Perky's apparently reflects one of those mature topics they discuss there regularly.]
Dee Md 9257: wow...you all sure did kill this room...way to go .....
Dee Md 9257: new room...you're not invited...life is great..ta ta
HeddRoxx1: :::sounds Brain Fog Horn:::
EminenceFrontal: wow...it's hopping in here
EminenceFrontal: just kill it
EminenceFrontal: let it go
EminenceFrontal: end the misery
Well, let me just say this in the vernacular of such 12-year-old girls: Namby-pamby boo fuckin' hoo. :)~~
[For those who didn't know, about a week ago AOL was having serious technical problems and closed all of the chat rooms four times within a day. I wound up the room owner of the Marylanders Over 35 room the last two times, and I still am. Zeeke and the Zombies fled and created their own room, despite my position that I wouldn't ban any room regulars.]
Both groups seem happy with the new arrangement, so I'm not sure why some from the other room persist in childish crap.
It's taken two forms so far. They come in to the Over 35 room under Sham screen names, like "Bonnies Liver." I have no idea who they are, so I ban them. The other childish form is the drive-by. They come in under their normal SN, fire a copy/paste of some ugly stupidity, and then hastily flee. The quickness used to be necessary to avoid getting banned, but I don't do that. So I have no idea why they flee so rapidly.
Below are some examples of the drive-bys. Keep in mind that these people are supposedly mature adults, most in their 40s or older. Perky, for example, has been around AOL many years, and says she's a corporate executive who's happily married. And yet, she now spends her precious spare time as Chief Spammer for the Zeeke Cult.
Perkyonex2: Lonely? Tired of the same old self righteous, boring rants? Visit the Love Fest Room and actually Chat with real fonts on subjects that make sense!
Perkyonex2: OnlineHost: *** You have ejected GuyLikesDark from this room ***
Perkyonex2: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[The latter remark of Perky's apparently reflects one of those mature topics they discuss there regularly.]
Dee Md 9257: wow...you all sure did kill this room...way to go .....
Dee Md 9257: new room...you're not invited...life is great..ta ta
HeddRoxx1: :::sounds Brain Fog Horn:::
EminenceFrontal: wow...it's hopping in here
EminenceFrontal: just kill it
EminenceFrontal: let it go
EminenceFrontal: end the misery
Well, let me just say this in the vernacular of such 12-year-old girls: Namby-pamby boo fuckin' hoo. :)~~
Friday, May 20, 2011
And today's lotto winner is
The Swami. Doing a little magic carpet ride that sanity has come back to the room. Bet the non-lifers are having a melt down over this.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
How to become a stalker
I'm wondering if Cindy could shed some tips on why and how to develop a stalking career. If not, maybe us normal people can discuss on why someone would want to spend 19 hours a day googling others?
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Hot or not
I thought it might make a good topic to discuss whether Rose is hot or not. What is or isn't attractive about her?
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
"You're an Idiot!"
"You're an Idiot!"
(Written 5/7/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
I was under somewhat of a handicap when I joined AOL: I had only known "normal" people up until that time.
Sure, there was the occasional oddball, juvenile delinquent, or stoner. But even they fell within a fairly loose definition of normal. And when I first joined the chat room, it was full of normal people. There were a few people who got somewhat pissy with newbies, (probably because of possession issues) and with each other. But it was almost entirely mature, educated, interesting adults.
Then AOL went to the flat rate, sent out a bazillion CDs, and millions of kids were given computers for Christmas. Suddenly AOL and the room were flooded with kids. That wasn't too bad because I had already been a stepdad. So, I at least understood them although I didn't consider the vast majority of them adults. Several of them were actually quite interesting.
But the real change began with the Mensa Cult and SexySplder. I had never been around anyone like them or the "kronies." And they brought out the latent stupidity in many others. I was astounded and a bit confused by what developed. For reasons I still don't understand, I became intent on understanding these people. I wasted a lot of time trying to figure them out... what particular emotional/psychological issues did they have? Why??? What could I do?
Eventually, I was having a chat with an old buddy, ShadowFace, who knew several of them better than I did. So I asked him. And his answer set me on a new path. He said, simply, "Don't know. Don't care."
Thus, I decided to just lump all of the mentally/socially/psychologically impaired roomies under one heading, then Perm Ignore them (back when that was possible with PowerTools). I thought for a moment and settled on "Idiot" as the label.
So... what's the medical explanation for why a nearly 50-year-old guy spends 5-10 hours a day in an AOL chat room playing a "mind fuck" game? "Don't know. Don't care. He's an Idiot."
Why does another guy who lives 1,000 miles away spend a few hours a day cussing up a storm and viciously attacking people... err... SNs... he doesn't like? "Don't know. Don't care. He's an Idiot."
Why do some people here spew nasty racial, homophobic, anti-Semitic, and misogynistic slurs? "Don't know. Don't care. They're Idiots."
So, when you see me ignoring the insults, lies, etc., in the room--especially those directed at me--just imagine me mentally pointing my finger at the accuser and silently mouthing "You're an Idiot." I've been a LOT calmer and saved oodles of time since I adopted that philosophy.
And I wish a lot more people would do the same.
(Written 5/7/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
I was under somewhat of a handicap when I joined AOL: I had only known "normal" people up until that time.
Sure, there was the occasional oddball, juvenile delinquent, or stoner. But even they fell within a fairly loose definition of normal. And when I first joined the chat room, it was full of normal people. There were a few people who got somewhat pissy with newbies, (probably because of possession issues) and with each other. But it was almost entirely mature, educated, interesting adults.
Then AOL went to the flat rate, sent out a bazillion CDs, and millions of kids were given computers for Christmas. Suddenly AOL and the room were flooded with kids. That wasn't too bad because I had already been a stepdad. So, I at least understood them although I didn't consider the vast majority of them adults. Several of them were actually quite interesting.
But the real change began with the Mensa Cult and SexySplder. I had never been around anyone like them or the "kronies." And they brought out the latent stupidity in many others. I was astounded and a bit confused by what developed. For reasons I still don't understand, I became intent on understanding these people. I wasted a lot of time trying to figure them out... what particular emotional/psychological issues did they have? Why??? What could I do?
Eventually, I was having a chat with an old buddy, ShadowFace, who knew several of them better than I did. So I asked him. And his answer set me on a new path. He said, simply, "Don't know. Don't care."
Thus, I decided to just lump all of the mentally/socially/psychologically impaired roomies under one heading, then Perm Ignore them (back when that was possible with PowerTools). I thought for a moment and settled on "Idiot" as the label.
So... what's the medical explanation for why a nearly 50-year-old guy spends 5-10 hours a day in an AOL chat room playing a "mind fuck" game? "Don't know. Don't care. He's an Idiot."
Why does another guy who lives 1,000 miles away spend a few hours a day cussing up a storm and viciously attacking people... err... SNs... he doesn't like? "Don't know. Don't care. He's an Idiot."
Why do some people here spew nasty racial, homophobic, anti-Semitic, and misogynistic slurs? "Don't know. Don't care. They're Idiots."
So, when you see me ignoring the insults, lies, etc., in the room--especially those directed at me--just imagine me mentally pointing my finger at the accuser and silently mouthing "You're an Idiot." I've been a LOT calmer and saved oodles of time since I adopted that philosophy.
And I wish a lot more people would do the same.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
"Today's Lesson in Homophobia"
(Written 5/4/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
It must be tough being both a homophobe and a mindless basher. In order to avoid looking totally stupid...well, more so than usual... you have to remember what you bashed someone *else* about so that you don't wind up admitting that you do exactly the same thing.
And if you know ahead of time--or suddenly realize you screwed up and admitted that you do the same thing--you have to somehow create a distinction. Thus motorcycles are "manly" *except* purple ones, which are "gay." And planting flowers is manly (for some but not all Zombies) unless you plant pansies, which are gay.
Tonight, we saw another variant of this in the chat room. Near as I can tell from this and the related chat on Bonnie's blog, somehow exchanging cake icing recipes is "manly" but watching the recent royal wedding and/or discussing Kate's wedding dress is "gay." These distinctions just confuse me, but I'm confident that if the chats were reversed Zeeke and Ham would be busting on me for discussing the finer points of cake icing with six... count them, six... women.
TheZeekEffect: nix ate my icing by the spoonful
BrunetteLady12: I like custard filling
HamOnWryX2: i love that stuff
TheZeekEffect: 8 oz cream cheese and 5 cups of 10 x
Perkyonex2: is that how you make icing?
TheZeekEffect: i do
Perkyonex2: hmmm thats easy enough
SxyMAFlAHlTWoman: I like the custard with strawberries inside and whipped cream and strawberries (chocolate dipped) on the outside
TheZeekEffect: cream cheese peanut butter icing is good too
TheZeekEffect: a lil milk a lil vanilla..
Perkyonex2: how much peanut butter do you add?
TheZeekEffect: i never measure
Eyore4129: cream cheese and peanut butter..hmmm
Puppers66: lmao
Perkyonex2: you're like a grandmother...a pinch of that..pinch of this
TheZeekEffect: i would guess a cup
Puppers66: cakes by zeek
[about 2 minutes later:]
TheZeekEffect: I would also like to add that I dont know a single man who watched the royal wedding
TheZeekEffect: and get excited over royal weddings
It must be tough being both a homophobe and a mindless basher. In order to avoid looking totally stupid...well, more so than usual... you have to remember what you bashed someone *else* about so that you don't wind up admitting that you do exactly the same thing.
And if you know ahead of time--or suddenly realize you screwed up and admitted that you do the same thing--you have to somehow create a distinction. Thus motorcycles are "manly" *except* purple ones, which are "gay." And planting flowers is manly (for some but not all Zombies) unless you plant pansies, which are gay.
Tonight, we saw another variant of this in the chat room. Near as I can tell from this and the related chat on Bonnie's blog, somehow exchanging cake icing recipes is "manly" but watching the recent royal wedding and/or discussing Kate's wedding dress is "gay." These distinctions just confuse me, but I'm confident that if the chats were reversed Zeeke and Ham would be busting on me for discussing the finer points of cake icing with six... count them, six... women.
TheZeekEffect: nix ate my icing by the spoonful
BrunetteLady12: I like custard filling
HamOnWryX2: i love that stuff
TheZeekEffect: 8 oz cream cheese and 5 cups of 10 x
Perkyonex2: is that how you make icing?
TheZeekEffect: i do
Perkyonex2: hmmm thats easy enough
SxyMAFlAHlTWoman: I like the custard with strawberries inside and whipped cream and strawberries (chocolate dipped) on the outside
TheZeekEffect: cream cheese peanut butter icing is good too
TheZeekEffect: a lil milk a lil vanilla..
Perkyonex2: how much peanut butter do you add?
TheZeekEffect: i never measure
Eyore4129: cream cheese and peanut butter..hmmm
Puppers66: lmao
Perkyonex2: you're like a grandmother...a pinch of that..pinch of this
TheZeekEffect: i would guess a cup
Puppers66: cakes by zeek
[about 2 minutes later:]
TheZeekEffect: I would also like to add that I dont know a single man who watched the royal wedding
TheZeekEffect: and get excited over royal weddings
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