(Written 12/15/10 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
Zeeke's family and his one friend staged an intervention after Thanksgiving dinner because of their concerns for... well, themselves. This intrepid reporter was given a recording of the event by an anonymous source ["Bean Spiller" Beth].
Zeeke's Mom: Billy, there are a few things we've gathered together here to discuss with you. We love you, but we're deeply concerned with some parts of your life.
Zeeke's Brother: Why the fuck did some AOL woman mail ME a package with a frickin' liver inside of it??? WTF is WRONG WITH YOU!!!
Z's Mom: Now, now, we agreed to remain calm.
Z's Mom: Billy, one of our concerns is that people from AOL are coming after US because of their hatred for YOU. Who is this Bonnie person?
Zeeke: She's just another "AOL Victim" who can't take a joke. She's seriously nuts.
Z's Brother: Joke??? You've been verbally abusing her for almost 10 years, according to Christopher, and...
Zeeke: Christopher? You know ChristopherK2???
Z's Mom: Yes, we had lunch last week. He seems like a very nice man, very smart, and quite the gentleman. Nice teeth, too.
Zeeke: That ##$%& is a @#$&* faggy jooboy.
Z's Uncle Abraham: I beg your pardon!
Zeeke: Oh, sorry Uncle Abe, I forgot you were here.
Z's Mom: Where'd you learn THAT language!!! And who is that man who called me looking for you?
Zeeke: He's just another AOL Loser with a criminal record of nine felonies, mostly for beating up people and firearms violations. He's spent several years in prison and...
[Note: Zeeke's Mom faints. As Beth is helping to revive her, the discussion continues.]
Z's Brother: Now LOOK what YOU have done to Mom! We both know that I can beat your ASS, and trust me, I will unless...
Z's Mom: Stop it, boys. I'll be okay in a few minutes. Billy, we've been watching you on the widget for a few weeks and...
Zeeke: The widget?!?!?!
Z's Mom: Yes, that nice Christopher gave us the... what's it called... the link. It seems that every thing he has said about you is true.
Zeeke: If I ever see that @#@$#$%, I'm gonna...
Z's BFF Beth: Oh, stop that, Billy. Everyone knows that you're harmless and just full of hot air.
Z's Brother: I was amazed at how much time you spend talking in that chat room, at least five hours a day. What happened with your job?
Zeeke: Due to the tough economy, I was cut back to part-time about 18 months ago. I only work from 9 p.m. to midnight three nights a week.
Z's Mom: So, you didn't really need all that money I've given you because you knocked up a couple of girls?
Z's Brother: Mom!!! Watch your language!
Z's Mom: Oh, sorry, one too many eggnogs...
Z's Brother: And why haven't you gotten another job? I bet you could've found a good one IF you didn't spend so much time on AOL!
Zeeke: Bite me, "not so big" brother!
[Note: A brief fight ensues, Carlton pounds Billy to a bloody pulp, and Billy's tied to a chair and gagged.]
Zeeke's BFF Beth: Listen to me carefully, BillyBOY. You're killing my rep in the room. If you don't straighten up and soon, you ain't touching THIS ever again. I can always go back to Prancer, ya'know. And HE can dance, instead of whatever it is you do that looks like a headless frickin' chicken on uppers!
Z's Brother: And IF I or anyone else in the family gets another body part in the jail or another phone call from an AOLer, trust me, YOU will be VERY sorry "little" brother.
Z's Mom: Billy, really, we all love you and want what's best for you in life. But you're putting all of us in danger with your stupid AOL crap. You NEED to quit all that ugliness on AOL. Try being NICE instead, like Christopher. AND you NEED to get a REAL job. IF you don't do those by the end of the year, I *will* cut off your money.
[Zeeke's family and Beth then turn and leave in a huff. But they forgot one thing...]
Zeeke: mmmmmmmmmffffffff...
Note: This article is purely fictional, and any resemblance between names used herein and real people is purely intentional... errr... coincidental.
LMAOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!
ReplyDeleteBilly is the first one to cry the police when someone does something to him but when anyone else complains what he does to them it's victim mentality.
ReplyDelete"People are often unreasonable and self-centered. Forgive them anyway.
ReplyDeleteIf you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. Be kind anyway.
If you are honest, people may cheat you. Be honest anyway.
...
If you find happiness, people may be jealous. Be happy anyway.
The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have and it may never be enough. Give your best anyway.
For you see, in the end, it is between you and God. It was never between you and them anyway."
~ Mother Teresa~♥~
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYONE!
K2 thinks he's better then everyone else.
ReplyDelete(K2 thinks he's better then everyone else. )
ReplyDeleteIf you are going judge one than by all means judge other's that think they are better than anyone too!
Should we not include Billy...Rose....Nanci....Beth in this list too!
A very funny article, Christopher. I really enjoyed the read. Too bad it is fictional, well parts of it anyway.
ReplyDeleteChristmas greetings to you and your loved ones. Have a wonderful Holiday season.
STFU GURLYFAG
ReplyDelete<< Billy is the first one to cry the police when someone does something to him but when anyone else complains what he does to them it's victim mentality. >>
ReplyDeleteLike his incessant whining about his brother getting the rubber liver in the mail? He futilely tried to liken that to a terrorist attack. I'm surprised he didn't call in Homeland Security.
BTW, whatever happened to that police investigation of Bonnie that he kept saying was in the works?
<< LMAOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! >> Sassy
ReplyDeleteThanks, I'm glad you enjoyed it. I told Mike earlier today that I don't post humor unless I laughed while I wrote it. In this case, I laughed a LOT.
Someone should mail the chatlogs to his exwife and ask her if she feels her child is in safe hands.
ReplyDelete<< K2 thinks he's better then everyone else. >>
ReplyDeleteI get that fairly often, although usually from lower life forms.
But seriously, we're all human and thus a mixture of the good, the bad, and the ugly. Ditto when we compare ourselves to others; it's a mixture of better, worse, and tied.
When comparing me to Billy, for example, I'm more intelligent, far more educated, and a much nicer guy. Billy, on the other hand, cusses much better and is vastly superior at getting "piss drunk and tearing up pussy."
<< A very funny article, Christopher. I really enjoyed the read. Too bad it is fictional, well parts of it anyway. >> RedSky
ReplyDeleteThanks darling!
<< Christmas greetings to you and your loved ones. Have a wonderful Holiday season. >>
Thanks, and likewise to you and yours.
The GURLFAG will soon he can't stand being BEAT
ReplyDelete<< STFU GURLYFAG >> Anonymous
ReplyDeleteIf that's the best insult I could come up with, I'd post anonymously, too.
We all know why y'all post anonymously. It's partly because you're frickin' cowards. I mean, who would want their name associated with such semi-literate crap. But it's mainly because y'all want to sling that "I never read blogs" hooey in the room.
Why don't y'all man up and try telling the truth in the chat room for a change? Then you could use your real SN in here and we could have fun. You could post one of your banal insults and I could respond with a customized one. If you're Pikle, for example, I could reply: "I'm guessing that you're really a mutant dwarf who got his ass soundly kicked at a Florida chat room function for your puerile insults, so you ran 1,500 cyber-miles away to spend several hours a day parroting Zeeke's insults at people you know won't come after you and beat your pathetic ass."
As to your weak and tiresome "gurlyfag" insult and the others you toss about in the room, alas, stupid can't be cured. Try reading "Insults for Beginners." It has lots of nice pictures to keep you amused.
Oh... and "not that there's anything wrong with" being a mutant dwarf...
He's coming out this Christmas
ReplyDeleteChristmas, that magic time of the year, mom and dad are glad everyone’s here
Grandpa is busy trimming the tree and aunty made a fruitcake naturally.
But her fruitcake aint the only one at the table, and there’s something that I just have to say
“Granny pass the stuffing if you are able, and by the way mom and dad, I’m gay”
Yea brought a girl with me but I paid her to be here.
Hey mom and dad that’s what they call a beard
I try to make it work but the girl aint got the gear
What can I say; I love it in the rear
Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out this year
Can’t wait to tell the world that I’m a flamin’ queer
Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out today
And here’s your Christmas present mom and dad I’m gay
Take back those G.I. Joes I never liked those toys
I never did like stuff that was for boys
Bring me some Barbies even though you think it’s wrong
Or better yet Johnny Depp in a thong
Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out this year
Can’t wait to tell the world that I’m a flamin’ queer
Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out today
And here’s your Christmas present mom and dad I’m gay
Don’t look so surprised to know it’s not like I’m the only homo
Aunty Jen’s a lesbian (she is?) and I’ve been felt by Uncle Joe
Well now I don’t expect for you to like what you’ve been told
And if you hate me well that’s how it goes
Well as for me I’m off to a disco and you can kiss my gay ass as I go
Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out this year
Can’t wait to tell the world that I’m a flamin’ queer
Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out today
And here’s your Christmas present mom and dad I’m wonderfully, fabulously, gargantuanly gay
Christmas, that magic time of the year, mom and dad are glad everyone’s here
Grandpa is busy trimming the tree and aunty made a fruitcake naturally.
But her fruitcake aint the only one at the table, and there’s something that I just have to say
“Granny pass the stuffing if you are able, and by the way mom and dad, I’m gay”
Yea brought a girl with me but I paid her to be here.
Hey mom and dad that’s what they call a beard
I try to make it work but the girl aint got the gear
What can I say; I love it in the rear
Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out this year
Can’t wait to tell the world that I’m a flamin’ queer
Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out today
And here’s your Christmas present mom and dad I’m gay
Take back those G.I. Joes I never liked those toys
I never did like stuff that was for boys
Bring me some Barbies even though you think it’s wrong
Or better yet Johnny Depp in a thong
Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out this year
Can’t wait to tell the world that I’m a flamin’ queer
Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out today
And here’s your Christmas present mom and dad I’m gay
Don’t look so surprised to know it’s not like I’m the only homo
Aunty Jen’s a lesbian (she is?) and I’ve been felt by Uncle Joe
Well now I don’t expect for you to like what you’ve been told
And if you hate me well that’s how it goes
Well as for me I’m off to a disco and you can kiss my gay ass as I go
Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out this year
Can’t wait to tell the world that I’m a flamin’ queer
Comin’ out this Christmas comin’ out today
And here’s your Christmas present mom and dad I’m wonderfully, fabulously, gargantuanly gay
On the first day of Christmas,
ReplyDeletemy trick for the night gave to me,
a popper in a pear tree.
On the second day of Christmas,
my trick for the night gave to me,
two rubber gloves,
and a popper in a pear tree.
On the third day of Christmas,
my trick for the night gave to me,
three tabs of E,
two rubber gloves,
and a popper in a pear tree.
On the fourth day of Christmas,
my trick for the night gave to me,
four leather chaps,
three tabs of E,
two rubber gloves,
and a popper in a pear tree.
On the fifth day of Christmas,
my trick for the night gave to me,
five nipple rings,
four leather chaps,
three tabs of E,
two rubber gloves,
and a popper in a pear tree.
On the sixth day of Christmas,
my trick for the night gave to me,
ix twinks a-tweaking,
five nipple rings,
four leather chaps,
three tabs of E,
two rubber gloves,
and a popper in a pear tree.
On the seventh day of Christmas,
my trick for the night gave to me,
even lesbians power tooling,
ix twinks a-tweaking,
five nipple rings,
four leather chaps,
three tabs of E,
two rubber gloves,
and a popper in a pear tree.
On the eighth day of Christmas,
my trick for the night gave to me,
eight Brazilian waxes,
even lesbians power tooling,
ix twinks a-tweaking,
five nipple rings,
four leather chaps,
three tabs of E,
two rubber gloves,
and a popper in a pear tree.
On the ninth day of Christmas,
my trick for the night gave to me,
nine nelly bottoms screaming,
eight Brazilian waxes,
even lesbians power tooling,
ix twinks a-tweaking,
five nipple rings,
four leather chaps,
three tabs of E,
two rubber gloves,
and a popper in a pear tree.
On the tenth day of Christmas,
my trick for the night gave to me,
ten bears a-cubbing
nine nelly bottoms screaming,
eight Brazilian waxes,
even lesbians power tooling,
ix twinks a-tweaking,
five nipple rings,
four leather chaps,
three tabs of E,
two rubber gloves,
and a popper in a pear tree.
On the eleventh day of Christmas,
my trick for the night gave to me,
eleven slings a-hanging,
ten bears a-cubbing,
nine nelly bottoms screaming,
eight Brazilian waxes,
even lesbians power tooling,
ix twinks a-tweaking,
five nipple rings,
four leather chaps,
three tabs of E,
two rubber gloves,
and a popper in a pear tree.
On the twelfth day of Christmas,
my trick for the night gave to me,
twelve butt plugs a-slamming,
eleven slings a-hanging,
ten bears a-cubbing,
nine nelly bottoms screaming,
eight Brazilian waxes,
even lesbians power tooling,
ix twinks a-tweaking,
five nipple rings,
four leather chaps,
three tabs of E,
two rubber gloves,
and a popper in a pear tree.
<< The GURLFAG will soon he can't stand being BEAT >> Still anonymous COWARD
ReplyDeleteThat reminds me... A very sexy woman I lived with for several years used to say, "I don't want a man to ever BEAT me. But a little light spanking might be nice. "
What a sick man calling his mother sexy.
ReplyDeleteChristopher, they really have their panties all tied up in a knot over this article. lol
ReplyDeleteIt is said the truth hurts most of all.
k2 likes wearing panties
ReplyDeleteOMG...someone forgot to add the biggest (size too) one that think's she is better than all Cindy......drama drama drama!!
ReplyDeleteMs. know it all herself she think's!
Cindy is an idiot!
ReplyDeleteGo stuff a cock down your throat.
ReplyDelete<< STFU GURLYFAG >>
ReplyDelete<< The GURLFAG will soon he can't stand being BEAT >>
<< What a sick man calling his mother sexy. >>
<< k2 likes wearing panties >>
<< Go stuff a cock down your throat. >>
I'm not sure which of the following best describes ZeekeOrWhicheverZombie posted those.
1. ZOWZ is dumber than a spud.
2. ZOWZ is so desperate for my attention that it'll post whatever stupidities cross its small mind.
3. ZOWZ never took 12th grade English.
4. ZOWZ pathetically thinks those are humorous.
5. ZOWZ was typing one-handed for each of those.
I'm still confused, so I'll put this one up for a vote to the blog's readers. And please feel free to vote for more than one!
<< STFU GURLYFAG >>
ReplyDelete<< The GURLFAG will soon he can't stand being BEAT >>
<< What a sick man calling his mother sexy. >>
<< k2 likes wearing panties >>
<< Go stuff a cock down your throat. >>
Why do I suddenly feel like a Hollywood star being stalked by some demented perv?
Well, let's see here... ZOWZ presents imagery of beating up gay guys, having sex with his mom, me wearing panties, and himself getting deep-throated by some other guy.
And we never see any of the ZOWZ mention their girlfriends even in passing in the room. And every Saturday night they go out together to get "piss drunk" with some women they don't date.
Hmmmmm...
Oh! Wait! I see! Geesh, ZOWZ, why don't you just come out of the closet! The mature adults in the room know there's nothing wrong with being gay. So, you'll only get assaulted by other members of ZOWZ. But no problem if ALL of you out yourselves at the same time!
'course, Beth, et al, will dump your lame asses now that you won't have to buy them drinks in order to maintain your covers.
Whew... it took me awhile to unravel THAT mystery.
<< It is said the truth hurts most of all. >> RedSky
ReplyDeleteThat's very true, darling, although they just don't see it. And the corollary is as equally true: lies don't hurt at all. I've never quite understood why they keep repeating ad nauseum their many lies about me, including my sexual orientation.
Most of the room knows I was married for many years to a woman (it's on the Judiciary site, which I'm sure they've investigated), am engaged to a woman, and have dated several women in the room. Ditto for allegations about my looks, when 500 roomies have met me and I have several pics on my profile.
Such obvious and easily-disproved lies just make them look desperate, shallow, bigoted, and stupid.
If they stick to the truth, about all they could say about me negatively is that I'm old. To which the standard response is the priceless movie line, "We have better insurance."
K2 was caught blowing at the bathroom at Clarkes
ReplyDeleteLet's talk truth. Chris it shows that you couldn't get pussy from Beth but Billy could. What's that make you?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous said...
ReplyDeleteLet's talk truth. Chris it shows that you couldn't get pussy from Beth but Billy could. What's that make you?
Hmmmm I wonder what Neil says about that.
<< Let's talk truth. >> Anonymous
ReplyDeleteSure thing... You are such a frickin' COWARD that you're way too scared to put your name to your idiotic words. Like that?
<< Chris it shows that you couldn't get pussy from Beth but Billy could. What's that make you? >>
A Classy Gentleman instead of, say, a slime bucket like Zeeke?
<< ... you couldn't get pussy from Beth but Billy could. >>
Beth cheated on Neil with Billy??? Wow! That's the FIRST time I've seen a Zombie throw the Cult Goddess under the bus. But it explains your COWARDLY use of the Anonymous tag. If you had dared to use your real SN: Beth, Zeeke and all of the other Zombies would totally trash you in the room for many weeks; Beth would put you on Permanent Shun; you'd be booted from the Cult; and, if you dared to show at Remington's, Zeeke would seriously beat your ass.
<< K2 was caught blowing at the bathroom at Clarkes >> Anonymous Idiot
ReplyDeleteSooooo, basically, you slept thru all of your English classes after 2nd grade? Very sad...
Beth is the wrong sex for k2
ReplyDeleteGood points Chris.
ReplyDeleteAnd we never see any of the ZOWZ mention their girlfriends even in passing in the room. And every Saturday night they go out together to get "piss drunk" with some women they don't date.
<< Beth is the wrong sex for k2 >>
ReplyDeleteWow... one day you Zombies are trashing Beth for supposedly cheating on Neil with Zeeke, and the next day you're calling her a tranny. I had no idea--being a classy gentleman has it downsides--but I'll accept your assertions as fact because it suits my purposes.
Just one question, though... was Zeeke aware of Beth's status *before* they... ummm... did the nasty? (I'm old fashioned, so I don't know what you kids call sex between Zeeke and a tranny.)
I want to be just like K2. Lick ass, don't matter, and feel all powerful cause I post on a BLOG!!!!!
ReplyDeleteBonnie's good friend Butter tells all
ReplyDeleteButterflyBeMe54: oh for Gods sake CANT YOU ALL STOP THIS BS IT IS OUT IN THE OPEN THAT BONNIE HAD SURGERY ON HER KNEE AND i DONT WISH THAT ON ANYONE
Dee Md 9257: bob who never drinks is saying this ??
SunniesBack2: butter
<< I want to be just like K2. Lick ass, don't matter, and feel all powerful cause I post on a BLOG!!!!! >> Anonymous Loser
ReplyDeleteYou have three defining traits. You're a Coward. You're a Zombie. And you're not very bright.
You hide behind an anonymous tag because you're afraid someone will toss a customized insult your way and hurt your wittle feelings. You parrot Zeeke's insults because you're a follower and don't have the brains or language skills to think up your own.
You target me (and most of your other targets) out of pure jealousy because, as we both well know, you'll never accomplish even a small fraction of what I've accomplished in my life. I've passed by Losers exactly like you all my life. While they, for example, were getting "piss drunk" most nights, I was going to law school. They had "bosses" they despised; I had mentors who helped me advance my career. While they were sheep at work and in all other aspects of their lives, I became a leader.
You spend several hours a day as part of a meaningless cult spewing ugliness and slapping your buds on their backs. Meanwhile, your contemporaries are joining worthwhile social organizations, pursuing higher educations, advancing their careers, and widening their circles of friends and family. You are being rapidly left behind. They will eventually raise good families, enjoy interesting jobs, and retire comfortably. You will always have... as you now have... diddly squat.
That is your destiny in life, as you surely know every time you look in the mirror and see that large L on your forehead.
Oh, I forgot, another of your main traits is that you're just plain Lazy.
ReplyDeleteLife is hard work, and you're just not up to it. I was the opposite; I worked hard and reaped the rewards from it.
Just before I got married at age 34, for example, I had an interesting full-time job. I also went to law school 3-4 nights a week, and studied another 20 hours a week. I even managed enough time to find a wonderful woman to marry. So I added to my schedule being a good husband AND stepfather.
And I'm not particularly bragging there because all of my good friends were the same way. They've continued on that path to lead full and interesting lives.
My best advice to you is to turn off AOL and DO something meaningful with your life. Hopefully, it's not too late for you.
LOL passed by loosers while everyone else was getting pussy you were sucking a god damn dick!
ReplyDeleteHe blew frat poys to pay for school.
ReplyDeletehahahahahahahahahaha
ReplyDeletehahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahaha
hahahahahahahahahaha
You apparently didn't notice that I didn't elaborate on my observation that "you're not very bright." There was no need to, really, given that you prove it with each of your comments...
ReplyDeleteWow, the Zombies are really having a major meltdown over this article.
ReplyDelete<< Wow, the Zombies are really having a major meltdown over this article. >> RedSky
ReplyDeleteThey sure are, and they don't have the intellect, writing skills, or life histories to respond with other than swearing and grade school playground insults. As the old saying goes, "If you can't argue the facts, attack the person."
this blog is the only thing K2 has to make him feel powerful. no one in chat wants to talk to him and he has a slut that comes by once a month for money and he begs men to suck his cock on the internet.
ReplyDeleteLet me translate the latest Zombie rant to show how limited their thought patterns and real lives are.
ReplyDelete<< "this blog is the only thing K2 has to make him feel powerful." >>
= "Zeeke and the Zombies have no personal lives except (1) getting piss drunk, and (2) making fun of people in an AOL chat room."
<< "no one in chat wants to talk to him" >>
= "We have desperately tried to get K2 to respond to us about 25,000 times over the last five years and he STILL totally ignores us!"
<< "he has a slut that comes by once a month for money" >>
= "His fiancee, Pamela, is gorgeous and young. None of us has had a date this century."
<< "he begs men to suck his cock on the internet." >>
= "We beg men to..."
Boy C2K, I noticed that when you make a valid point all those dweeby dork zombies can do is spew gay remarks and body functions at you. It's almost like a case study. When I read the grade school BS they fling at you, I really start laughing. It seems to me the madder you make them, the more they hurt themselves by reaching into their limited vocabularies and start the girly arm swinging (more commonly called windmilling). You can almost see the gritted teeth and the snot running down their noses. teee heeeeee....this is almost too damn much fun.
ReplyDeleteC2K? You are my hero. Fuck em all, you stand ten stories taller than them and they couldn't touch you with a ten meter cattle prod, even with 6 ladders and a ladder truck.
My eyes almost roll out of my head when I read their juvenile attempts at insulting you.
Would you like to have tea some day and giggling incessantly at these little tweakers?