Cast your vote for your favorite Zombie exposure of 2012

1. MVM being busted for knocking up a hooker.
2. Ronnie hiding his blog to make it look deleted then reinstating it the second someone notices and writing a preschool "Gotcha" post.
3. Zeeke's non-stop homosexual blog posts about Christopher, which backfired on him - now everyone thinks he's the gay one.
4. Billy's high school picture revealed.
5. Rose posting you can only get herpes during an outbreak only to be proven otherwise by a CDC website link.
6. Christopher revealing that Billy was two grades behind by the time he started high school.
7. Rose posting she gets hot men with money only for it to be revealed Jeff, Eugene, Thomas, John, and Rob are no lookers, and took her home to their trailers and mom's basements in low-income areas.
8. Beth dumping Zeeke. 
9. Billy posting about the horrendous nature of the hateful shitrag blogging children - meanwhile - he blogs Bonnie's son, and has a child's picture as his profile picture.
10. Rose declaring she has a medical field job but her name is mysteriously absent from any required medical licensee databases in Maryland or Delaware.
11. Fat Cindy being tossed out of the Zeeke clan.
12. Ugly running over Bengal.
13. Rose declaring in one breath she doesn't have herpes, but in the other breath posting about how she had unprotected sex with a man infected with herpes.
14. Zombies declaring Ugly didn't go on vacation.  
15. Rose spell checking someone else.
16. Pantry and her million dollar lawsuit.
17. Zeeke declaring with 100 percent certainty that Mensa runs this blog only to not be able to produce any evidence of it.
18. Zeeke's nephew's myspace page revealed, where Phillip discusses his prison time, drug addiction, and pictures revealing quite the hillbilly.
19. Rose posting anonymously and in the 3rd person about how hot she is but not one person agreeing.
20. Ronnie and Billy posting pictures of the times they went out of their house. Which equalled to about 8 blog posts total, one which was proven to be a fraud.
21. Ronnie and Billy's declarations of Christopher being homosexual, followed by mentions of his fiancee within the same paragraph.

Zeeke's many lies exposed. These are my favorites, feel free to add yours.
1. He declared Phillip Underwood a distant relative only for it to be revealed he's Phillip's Uncle.
2. He blogged about his awesome fishing trip only for Bonnie to provide the URL to where he took the pictures off of.
3. Billy's many posts about how he never ever reads this shitrag only for his IP address to be shown as the most frequent visitor to the site.
4. Billy's assertions that this blog is dead, meanwhile Ronnie and his has almost no comments on it, and this one has hundreds of comments per article.
5. ""NO ONE AND I MEAN NO ONE IN OUR ROOM EVER SITS ALL ALONE ." Only for K2 to prove that Vomit does exactly that.
 

"Okay, So I Was WRONG About Farts!"

*The Uglies apologize that it took two weeks to post this. This is our busy time at work right now.

 

(Written 11/10/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)
 

Yeah, I occasionally give friends sound advice about virtually EVERYTHING. And I *thought* I was a world-class expert about Farts. But apparently NOT.
 

The particular issue was Backed Up Farts. As some of you know, I sometimes sleep in my recliner chair owing to a 40+ year battle with a hiatal hernia. If I feel even slightly too full as bedtime approaches, sitting in the chair is far less likely to cause further damage than laying in a bed.
 

And I had noticed over the years that sleeping in the chair inevitably led to a rather large amount of farting shortly after waking. My working theory was that sitting tended to just kinda stop up things, as contrasted with what I *assumed* was the normal slow "passing of gas" throughout a night spent in a bed. I recently so advised a friend who's going thru a temporary forced sitting rather than laying situation to be aware of the dreaded Backed Up Farts.

 

I thought only later that I really should check the Science of Farts before passing on my advice based purely on personal experience. So, I did my usual super-scientific research and found that < gasp> I was totally WRONG. I was mortified (but not enough to update my friend... well, unless she happens to read this). I glommed onto a site via Google that seemed purely scientific and on point ("Facts on Farts" at www.heptune.com/farts.html).
 

It is the end-all-and-be-all of All Things Farts. It has fascinating sections on "What is fart gas made of?," "Why are stinky farts generally warmer and quieter than regular farts?," and my fav, "Where do farts go when you hold them in?"

 

But I digress... The answer to my question was in the section on "Do ALL people fart in their sleep?" The complete answer is, "All people (don't) fart in their sleep. I think mainly those who refuse to fart when they're awake do so as they're dozing off. For other [normal] people, toilet training takes such a strong hold that they let nothing pass their sphincters in sleep. For these people, the gas accumulates in the night and they vent it upon awakening."

 

So, near as I can tell, when I sleep in my bed, I apparently fart uncontrollably as I fall asleep and thus there is nothing left for early a.m. Backed Up Farts. (I'll be sure to soon ask Pamela to verify my Bedtime Farting Schedule.) But when I sleep in my recliner chair, I follow the normal routine (perhaps I subconsciously don't want to slowly destroy the chair's fabric over time with close-up, direct Bedtime Farting), so I hold the farts in til I awaken.

Too bad

We decided to disappear for awhile to give the Zombie blog time to catch up with our count.

Epic Failure!

"Zeeke's Top 10 Homoerotic Fantasies About Me"

(Written 10/17/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

Zeeke and the Zombies seem to believe that the absolute *worst* thing they can say about another guy is that he's gay. That's generally true of most homophobes, and most bigots think the same of whatever their focus is. Personally, I think the worst thing you can say about another guy is that he's a stupid, uneducated, obese bigot who spends his weekends "getting piss drunk" and "tearing up pussy."
 

But Ugly's recent article ("Come-a Come-a out of the Closet-O!") raises a more troubling possibility about Zeeke: that he has constant homoerotic fantasies about ME. Ugly noted that Zeeke "look(s) up gay pictures all day long and paste(s) heads on them. Think about it. Billy's actually searching for these pictures, and he's searching gay sites for them."
 

So, that naturally leads to the disturbing question, what are Zeeke's main sexual fantasies about ME? Well, here they are, based on HIS recent articles about ME:
 

10. I have a vagina. (WTF is that all about???)

9. He wants to "jerk off" while spanking me.

8. Zeeke wants to do a porn film, dressed as Hulk Hogan, with me.

7. He dreams regularly about my "butt nuggets."

6. He has dom fantasies about me dressed in leather, high heel boots, etc., with a whip.

5. He wants to "deposit" his sperm into my mouth at an ATM-like fixture in his bedroom.

4. Zeeke wants to dress me up as an old farmer woman, then do something disgusting with a pitchfork.

3. He loves the idea of me being bound up like a crazy person.

2. He fantasizes about me in a long, ugly wig, with a tampon stuffed up my butt.

And Zeeke's Number 1 Homoerotic Fantasy About ME is...

1. He has a case of "turd polish" he wants to use on me in--I'm sure--very creative ways.

"Vomit Stupidly Jumps on Zeeke's Homophobe Bandwagon"

 (Written 10/13/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

 

Vomit normally limits his banal little blog to Carp Burger Recipes and tales of how he spends his Vomit Dollars from collecting aluminum cans. But today Vomit decided to jump on Zeeke's bandwagon of ugly, homophobic rants about me. (This, shortly after bragging about how lonnnnnnnnnnnnnnng it had been since he had last featured me.)

 

I rarely respond to any of that nonsense because it's so laughable to anyone who knows me even a little bit, and I prefer to let them repeatedly show what vile and disgusting bigots they surely are.

 

Vomit's article looks exactly like most of Zeeke's near-daily obsessions over me, so I'm guessing Zeeke *ordered* Vomit to run one just to make it look like Zeeke isn't the ONLY Zombie totally obsessed over me. Yeah, I know it makes little sense, but that's about all we can expect from them.

 

Anywho... Vomit made one HUGE mistake with his version. He used a different pic of me than Zeeke normally does. Why would that matter? Let me show y'all. This is the part of Vomit's post with my pic:

 

 

 

 

 

I of course have the original of that entire pic. So, in an article in which Vomit goes on an ugly homophobic rant about my supposed gayness, guess who else is in the pic with me? Well, here you go...

 

 

 It's my fiancée, the Lovely Pamela!

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH, what Idiots they are...

And, I haven't yet figured out why Vomit reversed my pic. After all, I part my hair on the left side not the right.

Freudian Slip - you be the judge

I find this pretty telling and untrue. Let me hear your thoughts.

 

How is it smart to inject heroin in your body? How is is smart to sleep with endless men for money?

How is prostitution work when it is illegal?

Just how is a drug-addicted person going to pay for shelter/food/medical care when all their money is going in their arms?

 

I had a little hope for MVM till now. He truly is not bright.

 

 

"Why Zombies Hide Behind Anonymous Profiles"

(Written 10/10/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

Following is a recent exchange in the comments for one of the articles:

 

<< If I were Chris I'd get a restraining order. It's obvious he wants your body >>

<< Anonymous Zombie September 30, 2012 6:57 PM

are you kidding me? what body? have you looked at his pic? lololololol"

 

That's a fine example of why Zombies are cowards who hide behind Anonymous profiles. They figure we can't respond by pointing out that they, of course, have whatever fault they accuse us of having. They're simply too embarrassed to reveal themselves. Posting anonymously seemingly lets them cover up their flaws.

 

In that example, the Zombie would have the reader believe that HE is built like some sort of Adonis. If the truth be known, responses would probably go like this:

 

"Bak--You're one of the few humans who actually has a ROUND shape. Why are YOU giving anyone gas about their body?"

 

"Zeeke/Vomit--You're 5 pounds shy of being officially 'morbidly obese.' Why are YOU..."

 

"Pikle--You're a munchkin with a late-1960's hippie hairdo. Why are YOU..."

 

So, my basic approach is to respond assuming whichever Zombie I wish wrote the stupidity.

Eat Crow

Isn't it time Ronnie stops listening to Billy? As someone posted here recently, he's taking complete advantage of his lower than normal intelligence. Billy knows no one in the world buys his conspiracy theories and lies, except for Ronnie. Ronnie, with a combination of inebriation and low IQ, is a socially isolated pariah like Billy.




If Ronnie sobered up and surrounded himself with decent people, maybe he could break the chain of constantly being made to look ridiculous. I mean Zeeke tells him to delete a blog and he does it and falls for Billy's chants of see they will think you really were termed and are obsessed with you (meanwhile what Billy is doing is trying to actually get people to come to the blog.)



Poor Ronnie. Maybe we can encourage him to start a carpburger restaurant? Who wants to take Ronnie under their wing to get him away from being taken advantage of?

"The Top 10 Reasons Vomit's Blog was Nuked"

(Written 10/4/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

 

10. Blogger decided that it was "Maryland's Most Boring Blog."

 

9. Vomit's last article disclosed personal data of Blogger's president. Dumb, dumber, dumbest...

8. Zeeke *ordered* Vomit to nuke it because it was FAR more popular than Zeeke's blog.

 

7. Vomit decided to totally reform his vile, disgusting life and is now studying to be a Tibetan Buddhist monk. His new blog is titled, "For the Sake of All Beings."

6. He posted a video of what he *really* does with those dead fish.

 

5. Vomit's wife said, "Delete that stupid, @#?&$ blog, or you ain't getting no more nooky."

4. In a drunken stupor, Vomit thought Blogger's tool to "delete blog" meant he could delete Ugly's blog.

 

3. In a fit of political correctness, Blogger yielded to PETA's frequent complaint that Vomit repeatedly posted pics of "dead and obviously abused and tortured" fish.

 

2. Vomit ran out of ideas for vile and disgusting rants. Unlike Zeeke, he couldn't bring himself to endlessly repeat the same old crap.

And the Number 1 Reason Vomit's Blog was Nuked is...

1. Vomit accepted MY offer to delete his blog in exchange for a case of Olde Frothingslosh ("the pale stale ale with the foam on the bottom").

"The Top 10 Reasons Zeeke Has Been Fired from a Job"

(Written 9/30/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers Blog)

10. Zeeke brought Beth's large dogs to work and let them run free. One of them took a huge dump on the president's new, expensive, leather desk chair.

9. Zeeke accidentally sent one of his homophobic rants to the Director of Human Resources, who happened to be gay.

8. Zeeke generally started getting "piss drunk" for the weekend on Friday afternoons at 2 p.m.

7. His incessant whining about my articles was driving everyone nuts.

6. One company found out that Zeeke's claim on his résumé that he had a PhD in English Literature was << gasp >> a lie.

5. The 27 long distance calls to Vomit every day to coordinate their responses to Ugly's blog was just stunningly stupid.

4. One company's health insurer threatened to cancel the policy if Zeeke put on five more pounds, thereby becoming morbidly obese.

3. He spent most of the day scouring the internet for pics he could copy/paste my face on to.

2. Mensa sent copies of the Maryland Judiciary Case Search site results for Zeeke's entire family to one company, along with a link to his blog.

And the Number 1 Reason Zeeke Was Fired from a Job was...

1. He got caught "tearing up pussy" on the top of his desk with the receptionist.

Come-a Come-a out of the Closet-O!

It's more than safe to say Billy wants to try some cock. Absolutely, 100 percent certain here. There is no doubt in my mind his penis rises when he thinks about another dude's package.

I'm a dude who likes vagina and have no desire look up gay pictures all day long and paste heads on them. Think about it. Billy's actually searching for these pictures, and he's searching gay sites for them. What straight man does that? And what kind of pictures are these? Almost all with a man with his mouth opened. Doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure this out he would like to start with some head from another guy.

What are latent homosexual feelings?
is an erotic inclination toward members of the same sex that is not consciously experienced or expressed in overt action. This may mean a hidden inclination or potential for interest in homosexual relationships, which is either suppressed or not recognised, and which has not yet been explored or may never be explored in fact.

A theory that homophobia is a result of latent homosexuality was put forth in the late 20th century. A 1996 study conducted at the University of Georgia by Henry Adams, Lester Wright Jr., and Bethany Lohr[1] indicates that a number of homophobic males exhibit latent homosexuality. The research was done on 64 heterosexual men, 35 of whom exhibited homophobic traits and 29 who did not. They were assigned to groups on the basis of their scores on the Index of Homophobia (W. W. Hudson & W. A. Ricketts, 1980). The groups did not differ in aggression.[1]

Three tests were conducted using penile plethysmography. While there was no difference in response when the men were exposed to heterosexual and lesbian pornography, there was a major difference in response when the men were exposed to male homosexual pornography.

The researchers reported that 24% of the non-homophobic men showed some degree of tumescence in response to the male homosexual video, compared to 54% of the subjects who scored high on the homophobia scale. In addition, 66% of the non-homophobic group showed no significant increases in tumescence after this video, but only 20% of the homophobic men failed to display any arousal. Additionally, when the participants rated their degree of sexual arousal later, the homophobic men significantly underestimated their degree of arousal by the male homosexual video.

The results of this study indicate that individuals who score in the homophobic range and admit negative affect toward homosexuality demonstrate significant sexual arousal to male homosexual erotic stimuli.

A possible explanation is found in various psychoanalytic theories, which have generally explained homophobia as a threat to an individual's own homosexual impulses causing repression, denial, or reaction formation (or all three; West, 1977). Generally, these varied explanations conceive of homophobia as one type of latent homosexuality where persons either are unaware of or deny their homosexual urges.[1]

Another explanation of these data is found in Barlow, Sakheim, and Beck's (1983) theory of the role of anxiety and attention in sexual responding. It is possible that viewing homosexual stimuli causes negative emotions such as anxiety in homophobic men but not in nonhomophobic men. Because anxiety has been shown to enhance arousal and erection, this theory would predict increases in erection in homophobic men.[1]

Reparative therapy advocates disagree that the homophobic males were stimulated by genuine latent homosexuality, claiming that the stimulation arose from negative emotions such as anxiety.

What's stopping him?
Fear of family rejection.

How can we help him come out to his family?

• Maybe have him put a small recorder in a stuffed animal which will say I'm gay and give it to relatives for Christmas?
• Take up a collection so he can get a rainbox tattoo on his forearm.
• Buy him some sparkly t-shirts to replace the wife beater shirts.
• Replace Christopher's pictures on his blog with himself and send his family the link to it.

Let's hear some more suggestions and help this struggling fellow become a happy one. Maybe in a few years we'll all get some special wedding invites!

　

"What Would You Do If You Knew You Were Dying?"

(Written 9/23/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

 

That is a fairly common discussion in Geezer World, so I thought I summarize it here (with some adjustments for the Zombies, of course).  I'll be very interested in the thoughts of you youngin's.

 

Let's say that you have been told by a group of world-class doctors that you have exactly one year to live, that you'll be fine until the last month, and at that point you'll become pretty much useless.

 

The obvious emotional devastation aside, just exactly how would you spend those 11 good months?  It's not a Top 10 List, but following are some possibilities:

 

1. Create and carry out a "bucket list" of stuff you've thought about doing but never got around to because you've been too poor, too lazy, or just not all that interested.

 

2. Ignore the whole problem and just carry on normally, hoping it'll all just go away.

 

3. Spend as much time as possible "getting piss drunk and tearing up pussy."

 

4. Make sure all of your affairs are in order, pick out your casket, etc.

 

5. Spend as much time as possible with your family, best friends, etc.

 

6. Prepare letters to be sent *after* you die to everyone you've hated detailing your reasons.

 

7. Join a radical religious order (say, Catholicism) and pray 24/7/365 for a miracle.

 

8. Spend the bulk of your time working on the 14 "To Do" lists that you've been ignoring so that you can feel that you've "completed" your life, or something.

 

9. Post a confession on your blog that your "Mindfuck Game" was really created by your 5-year-old niece.

 

10. Start doing all of those things you didn't do before because they were bad for your health, like the Lemon Meringue Pie Diet, Chocolate Malted Milkshake Tuesdays, Unprotected Sex, and Cuban Cigars.

 

11. Make sure that you write at least FIVE blog articles a DAY about ME with my face pasted onto various pics you've STOLEN off the internet.

 

12. Leave instructions that you want to be frozen at the last minute and wrapped up in aluminum foil like Woody Allen in "Sleeper," and then waken up and fixed whenever the Orgasmatron has been invented.

Rainbow outside my house

Ugly wants another vacation

Monika has been crying non-stop. I offered to get her another kitty and she offered to throw me out the door. This was purely an accident. This is my public explanation and apology to her.

Where we live has a lot of land. Barney is a special breed, a bengal cat, so we allowed Bengal to roam free. I did not know Barn was in the car. Until I was at the end of my road. I stopped to admire the sunset, right at the end of my driveway facing the adjacent farm with the little red wagon near the mailbox.

I should have known better than to stop but beauty can be distracting.  Next thing I know my car was raining with cat hair and loud shrieks as Barney flew up to the front and went to town scratch at the slightly rolled down window. Which just happened to be my window. So I have not only cat ass in my face, nine approaching killer dobermans, but now my coffee is in my lap and my leather is raining. I had no choice but to roll down the window.

He jumped out. The dogs jumped on. I revved the engine up and the dogs were everywhere. I threw it in gear n the dogs scattered a bit then circled back around the back of the car. I threw my Benz in reverse and the dogs scattered again. I ran over a log. Or so I thought.

Honey I am sorry please forgive me.

"Four LONG Days Without My Computer"

"Four LONG Days Without My Computer"

(Written 9/15/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

 

Well, thank goodness THAT ordeal is over!

 

I recently had some serious computer problems due to a bunch of malware and crap.  (A certain SOMEONE will never EVER again be allowed on my computer!)  I tried everything I knew to fix it, and after a couple of days I gave up and called in my geek friend, Colleen.  We eventually just reformatted the hard drive and started from scratch.  I also upgraded to Windows 7 along the way, and most of my last two days has been spent adding back all of my old software and some new stuff.  I'll have to spend one more full day finishing that, and then tweaking stuff.

 

I was frankly surprised how little I missed AOL, but then I primarily use it only for some news, IMs, email, and to access the thousands of web sites I've saved over the years.  (BTW, AOL has a max of 2,500 fav places in case you didn't know.  LOL)

 

But I was also surprised at how reliant I've become on access to my computer in general.  Following are some of the things I missed most.

 

Word Processing

 

I was working on several important legal documents when the computer crashed.  Too bad!

 

Banking

 

I don't pay bills that way, but I do use the internet to check my accounts regularly, make transfers, etc.  That saves me many trips to the bank.

 

Excel

 

I maintain a LOT of Excel workbooks related to gardening, medical stuff, and much else.  Just one example... I planted about 30 perennials a few weeks ago, and track them thru a workbook.  I also need access to a local weather site as well as national ones to help me decide when and how much to water them.  So, I had to do it on the fly, which is NOT my style.

 

News

 

I read a lot of news sites every day, including CNN, The Washington Post, and the Huffington Post.  I didn't make up for that by watching CNN on the tv because they talk a LOT slower than I can read.  But I kept wondering such things as, did North Korea invade South Korea yesterday???

 

TMZ

 

Yes, I'm totally hooked on TMZ.  Again, I don't watch the tv version because it's just way too slow.  So I had to suffer thru Snooki withdrawal pains.  Ugghh...

 

But my computer is now much better, faster, smoother, and more reliable.

 

Oh... when I did finally get back onto AOL, I caught up on the blogs.  Zeeke's took about 30 seconds because it was just more of his obsession with pasting my face onto various homoerotic and homophobic images.  And Vomit's was, regardless of the article, nothing but homoerotic and homophobic rants about me.  So that took maybe two minutes to update. Same old, same old for both of them... Ugly had posted several new, interesting articles on his blog that I very much enjoyed reading.

 

I also couldn't help but notice that Zeeke is now claiming with "100% certainty" from recent "undeniable proof" that Mensa owns Ugly's blog.  Vomit's blog has also been swamped with add-on comments by various idiots.  I'm "100% certain" that Zeeke will make exactly the same claims in the near future about ME, or RedSky, or yada yada owning Ugly's blog.

 

Poor, poor Zeeke... no one, not even his Zombies, believes anything he says anymore.  That happens when you spend many years lying frequently, badly, and without any remorse.

Old McUgly's

Monika is heartbroken. Barney, our precious Bengal, died this morning after I accidentally backed over him. I'm thinking of cheering her up with a kitty like below. Isn't she adorable? 

Who killed Terry?

Dorothy's beloved son. So many questions one must ask.
Why did he have to die?
Was their sibling rivalry?
Was it out of jealousy?
Is this why Bolly is so full of hate? Could it be guilt over this death?

Introducing the Great Grand Niece

The way this baby is being held, it's probably a good thing the parents are shoving the parental care off on the 6-year-old brother already. Was this how Bolly was raised?

Please don't procrastinate

Repression is never a good thing. It makes men go crazy in the head and spend all day scouring the internet for pictures and popping heads on them. Repression can lead to crazier things like scouring neighborhoods and "tearing up" pussy of strangers (or bungleholes since we're all suspicious that Rin and Bol prefer cock)Regardless, let's help heal the whackos with a "Sexual Healing" fund. If everyone will pitch in a dollar or two we'll soon have enough money to approach MVM with and get a recommended lady or transsexual of the night.

 

Please post how much you're willing to pitch in.

 

Oh, baby now let's get down tonight
Ooh baby, I'm hot just like an oven I need some lovin' And baby, I can't hold it much longer It's getting stronger and stronger
And when I get that feeling I want sexual healing Sexual healing, oh baby Makes me feel so fine
Helps to relieve my mind Sexual healing baby, is good for me Sexual healing is something that's good for me
Whenever blue teardrops are fallin' And my emotional stability is leaving me There is something I can do I can get on the telephone and call you up baby
And honey I know you'll be there to relieve me The love you give to me will free me If you don't know the thing you're dealing Ohh I can tell you, darling, that it's sexual healing
Get up, get up, get up, get up Let's make love tonight Wake up, wake up, wake up, wake up 'Cos you do it right
Baby, I got sick this mornin' A sea was stormin' inside of me Baby, I think I'm capsizin' The waves are risin' and risin'
And when I get that feeling I want sexual healing Sexual healing is good for me Makes me feel so fine, it's such a rush Helps to relieve the mind, and it's good for us
Sexual healing, baby, it's good for me Sexual healing is something that's good for me Well, it's good for me and it's so good to me my baby, ohh
Come take control, just grab a hold Of my body and mind, soon we'll be making it, honey I'll be feeling fine, the way you heal me The way you thrill me, keep me comin' to you For you to sexually fulfill me
You're my medicine, open up and let me in Darling, you're so great, I can't wait for you to operate I can't wait for you to operate, baby I can't wait for you to operate
And baby, when I should be asleep at night I stay up and read And baby, baby, baby, I can't help but feel uptight For my passion needs
And when I get this feeling I want sexual healing When I get this feeling I want sexual healing
Baby, I can't stand it much longer It's getting stronger and stronger
And when I get this feeling I need sexual healing Ohh, when I get this feeling I need sexual healing
I gotta have sexual healing, darling 'Cos I'm all alone And I need sexual healing, darling Till you come back home
Please don't procrastinate It's not good to masturbate

Copied from MetroLyrics.com

"Why Are Zeeke and Vomit Sooooooooo Obsessed With Me?"

(Written 8/26/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

 

As I write this (Sunday morning, 8/26), Zeeke has been on an obsessive rantfest about me for an entire month.  Since July 27th, ALL *18* of his articles on his blog have been about little ol' ME.  EIGHTEEN in a row!!!

 

Vomit, of course, follows in his Zombie Master's footsteps, and thus has written NINE articles about ME in the same time frame.  But Vomit isn't *totally* obsessed with me... he still writes the occasional article about Carp Burger Recipes.

 

That's a total of *27* articles about me in one month.  Wow!!!  On the other hand, I've only posted TWO articles in that time period: a fluff piece about "interesting stuff;" just ONE about Zeeke ("Rolling Stone Magazine Bitch Slaps Zeeke"); and NONE about Vomit (sorry, dude, you're just not all that interesting).

 

Because my doctorate is in law, not emotional/mental/psychological basket cases, I have no real idea why Zeeke and Vomit remain TOTALLY obsessed with their hatred for me.  

 

I wish I could say that I "don't know, don't care" about their vile and disgusting fixations with me.  But when two drunk, fat, violence-prone, stupid guys repeatedly post images of homophobic sexual assault fantasies about me, I get a bit concerned. 

 

So, I've started taking pics of the many unmarked white vans that seem to be in my neighborhood lately.  Any other suggestions?  Thanks...

Trip Down Under

 

Down Under

Ugly is taking his very lovely family on a two-week tour of Australia. We are leaving tomorrow morning and coming back the day after Labor Day. Please, no jealousy. Anyone who works hard can have the same.

We will be scuba diving in the Great Barrier Reef, listening to romantic tunes at the Sydney Opera House, visiting Mount Ossa and the Oyster Bay and hoping the boys get carried away by Tasmanian Devils, having Yalumba wine in Adelaide, seeing the Ayres Rocks, visiting Kangaroo Island, visiting high rocks and the Twelve Apostles at Port Campbell, making love on Honeymoon Bay, watching my lovely wife sunbathe in the nude at Magnetic Island while the koalas watch, and watching the boys surf at Fraser Island, as well as many other adventures.

Monika has forbid me from touching the blog from the time our plane takes off till it lands back at BWI, so we will continue when we get back. We'll leave you with this famous song:

Traveling in a fried-out Kombi
On a hippie trail, head full of zombie
I met a strange lady, she made me nervous
She took me in and gave me breakfast
And she said

"Do you come from a land down under?
Where women glow and men plunder?
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover"

Buying bread from a man in Brussels
He was six foot four and full of muscles
I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"
He just smiled and gave me a Vegemite sandwich
And he said

"I come from a land down under
Where beer does flow and men sunder
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover"

Lying in a den in Bombay
With a slack jaw and not much to say
I said to the man, "Are you trying to tempt me
Because I come from the land of plenty?"
And he said

"Oh! do you come from a land down under?
Where women glow and men plunder?
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover"

Living in a land down under
Where women glow and men plunder
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover

Living in a land down under
Where women glow and men plunder
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover

Living in a land down under
Where women glow and men plunder
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover

Living in a land down under
Where women glow and men plunder
Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?
You better run, you better take cover

"More Interesting Stuff"

(Written 8/9/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

 

Favorite Olympic Moment

 

I haven't watched as much of the Olympics as I normally do because of NBC's greedy decision to tape delay everything worthwhile into prime time.  After reading about it hours earlier (even TMZ has had some coverage), I've seldom been willing to sit thru hours of dressage and other crap just to see a tape of something.

 

Nonetheless, there have been some terrific moments, especially in swimming (the incredible Michael Phelps) and track (the equally amazing Usain Bolt).  But my personal fav is still the seemingly ageless Allyson Felix *finally* getting gold in track's 200 meter sprint.  She's been around for about a decade, always coming close at the Olympics (silver medals in the last two for the 200). You can see the race at NBC's site (http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/track-and-field/highlights-allyson-felix-strikes-gold-in-200m.html).

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Curiosity Lands on Mars!

 

NASA gained world-wide attention earlier this week for its flawless landing of the SUV-size Curiosity lander.  I happened to be awake when it landed, and was utterly amazed.  A super-sonic parachute deployed at 1,000 mph?!?!?  76 pyrotechnic devices?!?!?  A sky crane?!?!!?  From 13,000 mph to ZERO in 7 minutes?!?!?

 

A video of the so-called "7 Minutes of Terror" can be found at http://www.nasa.gov/multimedia/videogallery/index.html?collection_id=18895

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Favorite Olympic Moment EVER!

 

I've never gotten out of my head what happened in the men's 400 meter run at the 1992 Olympics in Barcelona.  I've never seen anything that even approaches it for personifying perseverance and the Olympic spirit.  Still brings a tear to my eyes...

 

An article is at http://sportsillustrated.cnn.com/2012/olympics/2012/07/13/derek-redmond-2012-london-olympics/index.html?eref=sihp&sct=hp_bf3_a3.  But the video is what will get to you...

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

We're Sadists???

 

For comic relief, check out "NASA Scientist Finds 6% Of Drivers Are Sadists" at http://autos.aol.com/article/nasa-roadkill-experiment/?icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl16%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D182138.

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Further Proof that Texans are Nuts!

 

$60 million for a football stadium for a *high school* ?!?!?!  Seriously??? 

 

http://newsfeed.time.com/2012/08/07/everythings-bigger-in-texas-especially-this-60-million-high-school-football-stadium/?hpt=hp_t3

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

What Was the FIRST Computer-Generated Animation?

 

Was it something of great scientific importance?  Ya'right... just an early geek doodling is more like it.

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/19/worlds-first-computer-generated-animation-traced-1963_n_1687475.html?utm_hp_ref=technology&icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl11%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D182144

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Do YOU Have $4,000 to Piss Away???

 

The most recent sign that the world is going to hell in a handbasket is a pair of Roger Federer's (tennis weenie) shoes selling on Ebay for $4,000.  Yep, $4 grand for a pair of smelly sneakers, folks.

 

http://tennis.si.com/2012/07/20/roger-federer-shoes-287-nike/?xid=cnnbin

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

For the Cat Nuts Among Y'all

 

First, I hate cats!  Second, here are 13 videos of cats doing stupid crap for those of you who actually like them.  I only watched part of one, and felt like puking my guts up. 

 

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/20/cats-playing-in-boxes-videos_n_1690080.html?icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl17%7Csec3_lnk2%26pLid%3D182171

 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

 

Hacking Stuff I Don't Pretend to Understand

 

If you have both an Amazon account and a Apple ID, then you should check out what happened to some poor tech writer. Scary stuff...

 

http://money.cnn.com/2012/08/07/technology/mat-honan-hacked/index.htm?hpt=hp_t3

Imagine

Imagine Billy with a girlfriend

It's know it's not easy but try
No totally victories and all day chat rooms
No photoshopping heads
Imagine all the pent up frustration gone

Imagine MVM with a woman
In the past it wasn't hard to do
Just drive to the nearest street corner
He wasn't smart to wear a condom, now he can't play

Imagine all the pent up frustration gone
You, you may say
I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one
I hope someday they'll get laid
And their world will be as one

Imagine Ronnie with a girlfriend
I wonder if you can
He's fat, stupid, and a drunk
Maybe MVM can suggest a ho

Imagine all the pent up frustration gone
You, you may say
I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one
I hope someday they'll get laid
And their world will be as one

"Rolling Stone" Magazine Bitch Slaps Zeeke

(Written 7/31/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

 

I've previously mentioned Zeeke's claim to have his "finger on the pulse of pop culture" when he trashed Justin Bieber ("Bieber fever came and went...at least a year ago.").  I also pointed out a few recent stats that were at odds with Zeeke's pronouncement, such as that Bieber's upcoming concert tour (48 shows in 45 cities) sold out in exactly ONE HOUR.

 

Well, *someone* (not me, I swear!) apparently told "Rolling Stone" magazine about Zeeke's opinion, and they have responded in their 8/2/12 issue.  Not with a little column filler (suggested headline of "Zeeke's a Total Tool!"), but with the full cover story treatment. It included the cover photo and a six-page article with six more pics.

 

"Rolling Stone" included a couple of other stats, such as that Bieber has more Facebook fans that Barack Obama and Mitt Romney *combined*.  As a laugh at Bieber's popularity, it joked that, "Any day now you half expect the [Bill and Melissa] Gates Foundation to announce that it's given up on malaria and will henceforth focus all its resources on curing Bieber Fever."

 

As a final smackdown of Zeeke, the article opines that "Five years later, the [Bieber Fever] phenomenon shows no signs of abating."  [For the Zombies reading this, "abating" means "reducing in amount, degree, intensity, etc."]

 

So, let's see... self-appointed pop culture guru Zeeke says Bieber has been toast for at least a year.  "Rolling Stone" magazine devotes their cover and a substantial amount of inside space to basically saying exactly the opposite.  Hmmmm... which to believe... which to believe...

 

BTW, to update one small stat since my July 17th article, the view count on Bieber's YouTube fan video of Carly Rae Jepsen 's hit song has increased by another *2 million*.  In the same time frame, Zeeke's blog has had... let me double check... yep... ZERO comments.

If only your dogs could speak

Pstt BillRonn,

Stop being rebellious and go take a walk, visit the elderly, play some streetcorner craps, make a cake, go to a baseball game, visit family, or go to the local bar even. 

"Assorted Interesting Stuff"

(Written 7/23/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

 

Here are several fascinating items I've found recently during my travels around the internet.

 

How to Substantially Improve The Olympics

 

The Olympics should have much more sex appeal than it does.  Many of the best hardbodies in the world are there, yet all they do for warm-ups is some boring stretching and tension release crap.

 

19-year-old Australian hurdler Michelle Jenneke has a MUCH better idea, as you can see at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMgmYutL9W0 (11 million views so far).  She didn't qualify for the Olympics this year, but here's hoping that she'll keep working on her form until the next one!

 

 

Rats LAUGH When Tickled!

 

Who knew?  But here's proof: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/26/rats-study-animals-laugh-tickled-video_n_1627632.html?utm_hp_ref=science&icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl12%7Csec3_lnk3%26pLid%3D174803.

 

 

The First Photo Posted on the WWW was NOT Porn!

 

Wow... you would've thought so.  But it was a kinda humdrum band promotion.  See it at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/10/first-photo-ever-on-the-internet-les-horribles-cernettes_n_1662823.html.

 

 

Train CRUSHES Car!

 

I love all the destruction stuff on the Net!  Blowing up buildings... 47-Car Pileups... But this one is new: a train absolutely crushes a car!  Some Idiot (Zombie?) was pulled over for a DWI.  Once processed he was permitted to call someone to take him home.  Alas, he called a friend who was also DEAD Drunk (yet another Zombie?).  The results are at http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=hp_t3#/video/us/2012/07/19/dnt-train-wreck-caught-on-dashcam.wjw.   

 

 

A Test to Tell How Drunk a Zombie Is

 

Go ahead, Drunk Zombie, see if you can get your cursor to touch this Guy's Nose.  Helpful Tip: If you turn the volume WAY up and rapidly move your cursor from side-to-side, you've got a chance!  It's at http://www.selfcontrolfreak.com/slaan.html.