"What Would You Do If You Knew You Were Dying?"

(Written 9/23/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

 

That is a fairly common discussion in Geezer World, so I thought I summarize it here (with some adjustments for the Zombies, of course).  I'll be very interested in the thoughts of you youngin's.

 

Let's say that you have been told by a group of world-class doctors that you have exactly one year to live, that you'll be fine until the last month, and at that point you'll become pretty much useless.

 

The obvious emotional devastation aside, just exactly how would you spend those 11 good months?  It's not a Top 10 List, but following are some possibilities:

 

1. Create and carry out a "bucket list" of stuff you've thought about doing but never got around to because you've been too poor, too lazy, or just not all that interested.

 

2. Ignore the whole problem and just carry on normally, hoping it'll all just go away.

 

3. Spend as much time as possible "getting piss drunk and tearing up pussy."

 

4. Make sure all of your affairs are in order, pick out your casket, etc.

 

5. Spend as much time as possible with your family, best friends, etc.

 

6. Prepare letters to be sent *after* you die to everyone you've hated detailing your reasons.

 

7. Join a radical religious order (say, Catholicism) and pray 24/7/365 for a miracle.

 

8. Spend the bulk of your time working on the 14 "To Do" lists that you've been ignoring so that you can feel that you've "completed" your life, or something.

 

9. Post a confession on your blog that your "Mindfuck Game" was really created by your 5-year-old niece.

 

10. Start doing all of those things you didn't do before because they were bad for your health, like the Lemon Meringue Pie Diet, Chocolate Malted Milkshake Tuesdays, Unprotected Sex, and Cuban Cigars.

 

11. Make sure that you write at least FIVE blog articles a DAY about ME with my face pasted onto various pics you've STOLEN off the internet.

 

12. Leave instructions that you want to be frozen at the last minute and wrapped up in aluminum foil like Woody Allen in "Sleeper," and then waken up and fixed whenever the Orgasmatron has been invented.