If only your dogs could speak

Pstt BillRonn,

Stop being rebellious and go take a walk, visit the elderly, play some streetcorner craps, make a cake, go to a baseball game, visit family, or go to the local bar even. 

"Assorted Interesting Stuff"

(Written 7/23/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

 

Here are several fascinating items I've found recently during my travels around the internet.

 

How to Substantially Improve The Olympics

 

The Olympics should have much more sex appeal than it does.  Many of the best hardbodies in the world are there, yet all they do for warm-ups is some boring stretching and tension release crap.

 

19-year-old Australian hurdler Michelle Jenneke has a MUCH better idea, as you can see at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tMgmYutL9W0 (11 million views so far).  She didn't qualify for the Olympics this year, but here's hoping that she'll keep working on her form until the next one!

 

 

Rats LAUGH When Tickled!

 

Who knew?  But here's proof: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/06/26/rats-study-animals-laugh-tickled-video_n_1627632.html?utm_hp_ref=science&icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl12%7Csec3_lnk3%26pLid%3D174803.

 

 

The First Photo Posted on the WWW was NOT Porn!

 

Wow... you would've thought so.  But it was a kinda humdrum band promotion.  See it at http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/10/first-photo-ever-on-the-internet-les-horribles-cernettes_n_1662823.html.

 

 

Train CRUSHES Car!

 

I love all the destruction stuff on the Net!  Blowing up buildings... 47-Car Pileups... But this one is new: a train absolutely crushes a car!  Some Idiot (Zombie?) was pulled over for a DWI.  Once processed he was permitted to call someone to take him home.  Alas, he called a friend who was also DEAD Drunk (yet another Zombie?).  The results are at http://www.cnn.com/video/?hpt=hp_t3#/video/us/2012/07/19/dnt-train-wreck-caught-on-dashcam.wjw.   

 

 

A Test to Tell How Drunk a Zombie Is

 

Go ahead, Drunk Zombie, see if you can get your cursor to touch this Guy's Nose.  Helpful Tip: If you turn the volume WAY up and rapidly move your cursor from side-to-side, you've got a chance!  It's at http://www.selfcontrolfreak.com/slaan.html.

"A Zombie Accidentally Exposes Vomit"

(Written 7/18/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

 

One of the ugliest traits of Zeeke, Vomit and the other Zombies has long been their disgusting, nasty bigotry.  They seem to hate everyone who's in a different socio-economic class.

 

They also clearly don't mind blatantly contradicting themselves.  So it's just fine with them intellectually to say to a guy, for example, "You're gay, and your fiancée is ugly."  I've never been sure whether they say absurdities like that intentionally or just because they're so stupid.

 

They've long accused me of being gay (about 75% of the time) but also feel free to: attack my fiancée, Pamela (known by many roomies back in the day, including Beth), or trash-talk about my obvious former lust for Beth.  They've said little about my ex-wife, perhaps because that's in black-and-white on the judiciary site.

 

The Zombies are normally fairly good at keeping disciplined about separating those contradictory attacks by a day or two.  I guess they think no one will notice. 

 

But Vomit's recent article in which he mixed those contradictions several times--a couple even within the same sentence--was apparently too much for one of the Zombies.  Perhaps it was Vomit saying, "when you look like a fag, your girl..."  Or maybe it was one of the comments referencing "Ole Faggy's woman..." or perhaps that a supposedly gay guy "likes crack whores." [emphasis added]

 

So, the obviously confused Zombie asked, "wait I thought he was gay?"  As I write this, Vomit has yet to respond.  I'm guessing that Zeeke, Vomit, and the Zombie High Council are trying to figure out how to respond while preserving a tiny bit of the sliver of intellectual dignity they still have.

 

Sorry, guys, but that ship sailed a LONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG time ago...

"The Sky is Blue"

(Written 7/17/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

 

If I mentioned in passing in an article that "the sky is blue," Zeeke would respond that he's a world-class expert on sky color, that it changed from blue to orange last year, and that I must be a shut-in who's never outside << cough >> to notice the sky color.  Vomit would post 27 pics of an orange sky, with my head pasted onto pics of young girls and boys.  Both would claim that I'm gay because I even mentioned the color blue.

 

 

That's in essence what they did when I mentioned Justin Bieber in passing in a 5/31 article about the Internet sensation song by his protégé, Carly Rae Jepsen.

 

 

There have since been a few developments re Zeeke's "expert" claim that "Bieber fever came and went...at least a year ago."

 

 

1. Bieber's single ("Boyfriend") earlier this year from his new album ("Believe") was his fastest-selling by far with 2 million digital sales in just nine weeks, and debuted as #1 on iTunes in *32* countries.

 

2. The "Believe" album sold 374,000 copies in its first week (in June), making it 2012's biggest debut album (beating out Madonna), and was 32% more than his previous best-seller.

 

3. His concert tour starting in September (48 shows in 45 cities) sold out in ONE HOUR.

 

4. Since last November, Bieber songs have had 700,000,000 views on YouTube.  (Yes, that's 700 MILLION).  That brings his total to well over 2 *billion*.

 

 

BTW, he just hit 25 million followers on Twitter, and 45 million "likes" on Facebook.

 

 

Since my earlier article, Bieber's fan video of Jepsen's song has increased from 40 million views on YouTube to 45 million, while Zeeke's blog has had... hmmm... let me double-check this... yep, *4* comments.

 

 

Soooo, basically, Bieber's popularity is still going way, WAY UP, which is the exact opposite direction of Zeeke's (AKA Mr. "I have a finger on the pulse of pop culture.")

 

 

Oh... and Beiber's net worth has been estimated at $125 million, while Zeeke's is approximately... well... NOT $125 million.

 

 

"Top 10 Suggested Articles for Vomit's Blog"

(Written 7/15/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers Blog)

 

Vomit recently BEGGED his fellow Zombies to submit articles for his vile and disgusting blog, which is near death.  Given that the Zombies have about zero creativity and writing skills, and just aren't too bright, I thought I'd give them some fine ideas to jump-start the process.  And all at NO CHARGE!

 

10. "How We Killed the MD Group, then Our Chat Room, then Our Clique, and now Our Blogs."

 

 9. "We're Bigots and We're Proud of It!"

 

 8. "Why No One Comments on Our Blogs"

 

 7. "Our Favorite Lies and Vicious Rumors About Others"

 

 6. "How We Go About Just Making Up Shit"

 

 5. "How to Attract *Other* Vile and Disgusting Losers to Your Cause"

 

 4. "How to Spin Your Criminal/Educational Record Into Something Positive"

 

 3. "How to Rationalize Your Leader Playing a 'Mindfuck' Game in a Chat Room for Eight Hours a Day for Ten Years"

 

 2. "Mastering Calling Someone Else 'Fat' With a Straight Face When You're Morbidly Obese Yourself"

 

And the Number 1 Suggested Article for Vomit's Blog is...

 

 1. "The Absolute Best EVER Recipe for Carp Burgers!"

"Life is Good! Let's Dance!"

(Written 7/10/12 by ChristopherK2)

 

Just imagine getting paid to spend your life traveling around the world dancing with the local people (and one oddly-coordinated seal), especially if you're an absolutely terrible dancer who usually looks like you're doing the Funky Chicken dead drunk.

 

I stumbled into the story of Matt Harding on, strangely enough, my fav astrophysics site.  Matt describes himself as a "35-year-old deadbeat."  He's been lucky enough to pull this off for almost 10 years now, by finding sponsors who use the video footage in tv commercials and such.  He's also a YouTube sensation with one of his videos reaching more than 40 million views.

 

His latest video is at http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Pwe-pA6TaZk.  He also has his own YouTube channel at http://www.youtube.com/user/mattharding2718?feature=results_main.  There you can find many other similar videos.

 

His story is at http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/about, and his FAQ are at http://www.wherethehellismatt.com/about/faq. 

 

A fair warning about that first video.  You're going to SMILE a lot, you WILL clap your hands, and you'll inevitably WANT to get up out of your chair and DANCE the Funky Chicken and other dances along with Matt and his crowds...

 

So, let go of your inhibitions!  Smile!  Clap!  And DANCE!  Life is Good!

Just gets better and better

We've been asked to pose this question to our audience.

Would you have unprotected sex with a prostitute?

To learn who is a walking talking std, please visit
http://casesearch.courts.state.md.us/inquiry/processDisclaimer.jis
Search case number: 03C12006785

Notice the plaintiff last name
Now go back to case search and do inquiry on this case: 1C00283886

"Liar, Liar, Pants on Fire!"

(Written 7/6/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

 

I thought it would be more of a challenge to get Zeeke to admit that he's a LIAR and a THIEF.  But then again, he's not too bright.

 

 

<< lol.. hilarious.. my god.. I said in the swanky private room I'm gonna post some fish pics and see how long it takes the tards to flip out over it.. whats the crime ? fucking with insane stalker retards with pictures of fish ? >> Zeeke, on Vomit's blog

 

 

Sooooooooooooooo, Zeeke admits to being a LIAR and a THIEF?  Fascinating...

 

 

If he'll LIE so readily about a small thing like fish pics, it makes you wonder about more important matters.  It kinda puts, for example, his recent denials and other statements about his education record in perspective, doesn't it?

 

 

And gee, is there anything he hasn't LIED about?  Why should ANYONE believe ANYTHING he says, either here or in real life? 

 

 

Oh, the downsides of LYING frequently, badly, and without remorse...

 

 

Imagine being a buddy or friend of Zeeke and wondering what he has LIED to YOU about!

 

Unfortunately for you MVM, there is an OZ

So easy to prove the mentally LOOSE wrong. Blog viewers and posters since yesterday morning

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"Statistical Factors for Being a Homophobe"

(Written 6/28/12 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier MDers blog)

According to a lengthy and technical article in Wikipedia, there are many factors that predict whether a guy is more likely to be a homophobe.  Included are:

 1.  He represses or denies his own "homosexual desires."

 2.  He comes from a "rigid anti-gay home."

 3.  He's insecure about his own masculinity (which makes a guy more likely to be an athlete or avid fan, particularly of the more "masculine" sports such as football).

 4.  He's a Republican.

 5.  He's a Southerner.

 6.  He has other forms of bigotry, especially anti-Semitism and racism.

 7.  He has little education.

 8.  He has had almost no personal interaction with gay people, EVER.

 9.  He's white. 

10.  He's a member of certain conservative religions.

Soooooooooo... MVM is most likely a white Tea Party bible-thumper from Georgia who loves football and MMA, barely graduated from high school, also hates Jews and Blacks, has never personally known a gay person, and emphatically accuses random guys of being gay so that no one suspects he's still hiding in the closet. And his parents were also serious homophobes. 

And much the same would obviously apply to Zeeke and Vomit.

Fascinating stuff...