"Who Knew that the Zombies Pay Dues?"

(Written 12/30/10 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)

My sources deep within the Zeeke Cult recently provided me with the poop on what the Zombies have to pay for being in the Zeeke Cult.

It doesn't seem like much at first glance, but the aggregate totals are impressive. Their dues come in several parts.

1. $1.00 an hour for being active in the room, up to a maximum of $7 per day.
2. A flat $50 per month. (There are ongoing discussions about $200 per month "Gold Key Memberships.")
3. A $1.00 surcharge on each drink at designated "piss drunk" events.
4. An offset of $1 for each disparaging comment posted on this blog about me, Bob, Bonnie, or RedSky (5 word minimum; maximum of 5 comments per day).

The fascinating part is where those monies go:

1. The $1.00 per hour while active in the room goes entirely to Zeeke. While that may not sound like much, if all the Zombies are fully active every day, it would work out to $20,440/year. It also explains why he doesn't have time for a real job. But unfortunately, the total pay for him for 2010 was just $12,500.

2. The flat $50/month is for "Miscellaneous Expenses," which so far has been used solely to pay off Zeeke's legal bills. (You didn't buy his hooey about the NRA footing the bill, did you?)

3. The drink surcharge is split evenly between Zeeke and Ham so they can get "piss drunk" for free.

The offset for nasty comments on this blog has become a growing problem because of the recent enormous increase in them. Some Zombies have figured out that if they just type a few moronic words every now and then while Zeeke's on another mind-numbing rant they can substantially reduce their bills.

The discussions at Cult meetings about fees and expenses have become heated at times. At one, for example, the hostilities started when Zeeke said he wanted to upgrade from 7-11 Game Day beer to Olde Frothingslosh ("the pale stale ale"). Ugly allegations about "living in the lap of luxury" were hurled about. Zeeke's usual "But *I* am The Man!" mantra was met by Ham's "BlahBlahBlah," which caused Zeeke to throw a hissy fit and storm out in a huff.

So, basically, Zeeke's AOL Job pays $12,500 per year plus FREE BEER and no legal costs. Not bad pay for cussing all day long at Bonnie and Guy! But it also means that Zeeke may have to get a REAL job to maintain his rather minimal lifestyle unless the Zombies up the ante. Til then, he'll have to continue to wear those mortifying green muscle shirts to nightclubs.