"The Zeeke Family Crime Spree"

(Written 10/24/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders blog)

Zeeke and several of his family members have been endangering the lives and property of Maryland people for many years. It's a remarkable gene pool, it seems.

A List of the Crimes

Following is a list of the ones (excluding minor traffic violations) that I could readily find, for which he/she pled, or was found, guilty:

1. Burglary, 2nd degree (a felony; of *5* businesses; bail of $50,000... YES, $50K), which led to a *15*-year jail sentence, 5 years of probation, and much else.
2. Three... count them... THREE DUI's. (Two went to probation before judgment, and the other cost two nights in jail.)
3. Credit card theft (sentenced to time served of 45 days).
4. "Negligently driving a vehicle in a careless and imprudent manner endangering property, life, and person."
5. Recipient of a temporary protective order for "domestic violence."
6. Possession of marijuana. (probation before judgment)
7. "Minor in possession of alcohol."

Two other cases were placed on the Stet docket:
1. Firearms-Access by Minor.
2. Possession of marijuana and drug paraphernalia.

Charges that were dropped by the State

Sometimes a good indication of the nature and extent of a crime is by the charges the State dropped in exchange for a guilty plea. Here, those included:

1. Theft, over $500
2. Theft, under $500
3. Malicious destruction of property, under $500
4. "Unlawful taking of a motor vehicle"
5. 4th degree burglary/tools (i.e., he was a pro)
6. Negligent driving
7. Three other possession of marijuana/paraphernalia charges

Bench Warrants and Hearings for Violation of Probation

Two indicators of either gross stupidity or just not giving a shit are bench warrants and hearings for violation of probation. Here, there were three or four of each. Thumbing your nose at the judge or the system in NEVER a good idea. That may also explain the three separate tickets for not even bothering to carry a license or registration with them. Lordy... that's dumb.

The Costs to the Zeeke Family

How much has all of this cost Zeeke and his family, dollar-wise? I have no idea how much they've paid out in attorney's fees, although I'm sure they've been very substantial. But the fines and court costs have run almost $3,000 with about $1,200 of it suspended. Then there's the $9,000+ restitution ordered for the burglaries. Add in doctor, etc., fees for court-ordered counseling. And lastly, whatever the costs were to Zeeke's mom for handling that $50,000 bail.

Jail Time and Probation

How much jail time has been involved? Hard to say... a few days here and there for the DUIs, 45 days for the credit card theft, and supposedly at least 18 months for the burglary.

There was hard probation time of FIVE years for the burglary. And the three cases put on probation before judgment were probably for the normal one year. The conditions for those are unknown.

A Potential Catastrophe Avoided

Although the burglary conviction was clearly the most serious one, the most dangerous incident was potentially one of the DUI's. Picture this: a young woman is drunk, at night, blasting along I-70 and Rt. 32 near Columbia at... hold your breath... 111 mph. Yes... read that again... ONE HUNDRED and ELEVEN mph. Holy shit, Batman!

A Lindsay Lohan Type Quote

The best quote I saw was by the burglar guy, from his MySpace blog. He was facing a revocation of probation hearing that could lead to a LONG time in the slammer. Why? Because he hadn't completed his Anger Management Classes in a timely manner. How did he react? Well, OF COURSE, he got ANGRY and ranted about how it's everyone ELSE's fault. "(My probation officer) could have told me hey you need to fix this."

He had only taken 14 of the necessary 22 classes. I think the real problem was he had skipped a LOT of math classes (following Uncle Billy's lead), and simply couldn't count higher than 14. << chuckle, chuckle >>

A Few Observations

1. What's it like asking your grandmother to arrange a $50,000 bail bond?
2. Let's have a Fill in the Blank Contest: "The family that gets piss drunk together then drives at 111 mph _________."
3. What DO they put in their water glasses at the family dinners?
4. WTF is with half of them getting caught without their driver's license and/or registration cards??? Seriously, folks... you just put your car keys on top of your wallet and...
5. Probation before judgment and a small fine for flying drunk at *111* mph?!?!?! That's IT???
6. People STILL smoke weed??? That's sooooooooo 1970's.
7. What kind of car does Zeeke's brother drive? I want to totally avoid being around him and it on the mean streets of Hagerspatch.