(Written by ChristopherK2 6/22/11 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
Zeeke and Vomit have recently gone on a serious whinefest on their blogs about me holding the bolt in the Over 35 room. They even incorporated lots of cutesy drawings, including my fav caricature of me by SexySplder.
But their articles are built on a common LIE... that me holding the bolt is somehow connected to them starting a new room. It's not. I'm sure they both know that I do not (unlike Zeeke) bolt room regulars nor do I (as Zeeke blogged) "censor" anyone. Many of the regulars in their room have been chatting in the Over 35 room without incident since I've had the bolt, including Perky, Alan, Dee, Cindy, Mafia, Pantry, Feefers, Jazzys, and even Vomit himself (with whom I recently had a pleasant chat).
If they (or anyone) want to be in their own room because they don't like me and/or Bonnie and/or anyone else, they could've easily done that at any time BEFORE I got the bolt. My ownership of the bolt is meaningless per se, except that the room no longer gets infected with bots, trollers, etc.
And Zeeke did his usual dance... complaining in one post that I was being too nice to Vomit on Vomit's blog, and doing a 180 on the next post, claiming I was trying to "thwart the efforts of the new blogger at everyturn." ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz Doesn't he ever get tired of that intellectual whiplash?
As to Vomit's new blog, it's often amusing and I've complimented him on it (contrary to Zeeke's recent whining). Vomit's even characterized me as a "fan." I've told him, however, that doing a bash & run of me wasn't especially cool.
So, if you guys want to stay in your room for whatever reason, fine with me. I enjoy the Over 35 room as it is, and as I have for almost 15 years. But please DO accept responsibility for YOUR decisions, and don't use ME as a straw man to shift the blame. Only Zombies will buy your LIES and weak logic. Which was probably your target audience anyway...
Sunday, June 26, 2011
Tuesday, June 21, 2011
Saturday, June 18, 2011
"Chicks Dig It"
(Written 6/17/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
I *try* to smoke all of my cigarettes out on my patio. I do this not because I dislike the smell but because others tell me it makes my house stink.
But I'm not batting 1.000. A cigarette seems right when taking a nice dump. And it's hard to go without one for as long as it takes to shave, shower, and dress. And after waking, I can't wait thru getting dressed (especially since I started using compression socks... ugghh), etc., for that first one of the day. And then there's... I think y'all get the picture.
So, I probably smoke about five cigarettes a day in my bathroom, with the exhaust fan running during and for about 10 minutes after.
I had been using some neutral-scented air freshener (Lysol? I forget.), but it recently ran out. While shopping at the store for a replacement, I noticed that nearly all of the current brands have... ummm... chick scents. There is NO "Eau de Budweiser," "Hamburger Sizzling on a Grill," or even "3-Day Old Sweat." Phooey!
Left to pick from all the Chick Scents, I remembered back to a chat with a Hot Babe cashier at a car wash in Phoenix, AZ. She said I *should* have a scent thing hanging from my mirror; the favorite scent among Hot Babes like her was, oddly enough, Vanilla; and, we're having a Special on it TODAY ONLY for JUST $10. Like ANY guy, I would've bought Eau de Brussels Sprouts if SHE had recommended it.
Naturally, I then searched for a vanilla-scented air freshener. There weren't any that were *just* vanilla. Yeah, let's NOT make it easy on the Buyer. So I settled for Febreze's "Lavender, Vanilla & Comfort." Lavender I like. What's "Comfort"??? I have no idea, but I'm sure it's absolutely splendid. Why else would Febreze stick it in there?
About now, I'm sure you're wondering: why is Christopher torturing himself over bathroom air fresheners? That automatically means you're a Chick. Any Guy would know. We do this on the off chance that Angelina Jolie will knock on our door asking to use our bathroom. And somehow she'll be soooooooooo impressed with our bathroom odor that she'll want to have sex with us, and right NOW. D'oh!
Sooooo, five times a day I'm saturating my bathroom with the lovely smells of lavender, vanilla, and juniper. Juniper? Yes, that's what Febreze's web site says the "Comfort" scent is. Ya'right... not to THIS gardener. A juniper is a boring evergreen tree/shrub that when cut smells like, well... sap. Alrighty then...
In my totally uneducated olfactory view, the Fabreze, cig smoke, and other normal bathroom odors have combined to make my bathroom smell like a French Whore. Few Guys really know what a French Whore smells like. The rest of us just use the term to describe what a woman smells like who uses waaaaaaaaaaay too much cheapass toilet water bought in the handy gallon bottle with a hand pump. Oh, and our grandmothers.
Worse, I haven't yet figured out how to avoid getting drenched by the bazillion droplets that invade the bathroom every time I use that "sweeping motion" to spray "throughout the entire room." (I'm German. I follow directions *exactly*.) I've tried bobbing and weaving, backing out of the room while spraying, and covering myself in a bath towel. No luck. Now, of course, *I* smell like a French Whore for most of the day.
Given my usual luck with women, Angelina Jolie WILL stop by next week and WILL ask to use my bathroom. When she comes out, however, she'll say, "I *hate* that 'Comfort' odor. It smells like frickin' SAP. I HATE Sap. It reminds me of the rain forests we're killing off EVERY DAY. If you had used just Vanilla, I would've come out of the bathroom in my sexiest lingerie and high heels and said, 'Do me NOW, Big Boy'."
Oh well... maybe Jennifer Aniston loves the smell of sap...
I *try* to smoke all of my cigarettes out on my patio. I do this not because I dislike the smell but because others tell me it makes my house stink.
But I'm not batting 1.000. A cigarette seems right when taking a nice dump. And it's hard to go without one for as long as it takes to shave, shower, and dress. And after waking, I can't wait thru getting dressed (especially since I started using compression socks... ugghh), etc., for that first one of the day. And then there's... I think y'all get the picture.
So, I probably smoke about five cigarettes a day in my bathroom, with the exhaust fan running during and for about 10 minutes after.
I had been using some neutral-scented air freshener (Lysol? I forget.), but it recently ran out. While shopping at the store for a replacement, I noticed that nearly all of the current brands have... ummm... chick scents. There is NO "Eau de Budweiser," "Hamburger Sizzling on a Grill," or even "3-Day Old Sweat." Phooey!
Left to pick from all the Chick Scents, I remembered back to a chat with a Hot Babe cashier at a car wash in Phoenix, AZ. She said I *should* have a scent thing hanging from my mirror; the favorite scent among Hot Babes like her was, oddly enough, Vanilla; and, we're having a Special on it TODAY ONLY for JUST $10. Like ANY guy, I would've bought Eau de Brussels Sprouts if SHE had recommended it.
Naturally, I then searched for a vanilla-scented air freshener. There weren't any that were *just* vanilla. Yeah, let's NOT make it easy on the Buyer. So I settled for Febreze's "Lavender, Vanilla & Comfort." Lavender I like. What's "Comfort"??? I have no idea, but I'm sure it's absolutely splendid. Why else would Febreze stick it in there?
About now, I'm sure you're wondering: why is Christopher torturing himself over bathroom air fresheners? That automatically means you're a Chick. Any Guy would know. We do this on the off chance that Angelina Jolie will knock on our door asking to use our bathroom. And somehow she'll be soooooooooo impressed with our bathroom odor that she'll want to have sex with us, and right NOW. D'oh!
Sooooo, five times a day I'm saturating my bathroom with the lovely smells of lavender, vanilla, and juniper. Juniper? Yes, that's what Febreze's web site says the "Comfort" scent is. Ya'right... not to THIS gardener. A juniper is a boring evergreen tree/shrub that when cut smells like, well... sap. Alrighty then...
In my totally uneducated olfactory view, the Fabreze, cig smoke, and other normal bathroom odors have combined to make my bathroom smell like a French Whore. Few Guys really know what a French Whore smells like. The rest of us just use the term to describe what a woman smells like who uses waaaaaaaaaaay too much cheapass toilet water bought in the handy gallon bottle with a hand pump. Oh, and our grandmothers.
Worse, I haven't yet figured out how to avoid getting drenched by the bazillion droplets that invade the bathroom every time I use that "sweeping motion" to spray "throughout the entire room." (I'm German. I follow directions *exactly*.) I've tried bobbing and weaving, backing out of the room while spraying, and covering myself in a bath towel. No luck. Now, of course, *I* smell like a French Whore for most of the day.
Given my usual luck with women, Angelina Jolie WILL stop by next week and WILL ask to use my bathroom. When she comes out, however, she'll say, "I *hate* that 'Comfort' odor. It smells like frickin' SAP. I HATE Sap. It reminds me of the rain forests we're killing off EVERY DAY. If you had used just Vanilla, I would've come out of the bathroom in my sexiest lingerie and high heels and said, 'Do me NOW, Big Boy'."
Oh well... maybe Jennifer Aniston loves the smell of sap...
Thursday, June 16, 2011
Instructions for Cindy
I was asked by an old friend of yours to post these instructions.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jh9lUakyPKE
Shave! If you can't reach it get a close friend to.
Douche. It could be internal not external.
If it still smells, go see a doctor it could be an infection.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jh9lUakyPKE
Shave! If you can't reach it get a close friend to.
Douche. It could be internal not external.
If it still smells, go see a doctor it could be an infection.
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
"Welcome to Blog World, Vomit"
(Written 6/14/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)Didn't Vomit often used to say, "Anyone who has a blog is a Loser"? Well, now he be one!
And who knew that he could actually write things that vaguely look like whole paragraphs?
But one tip, Vomit: when your Zombie Master publicizes your blog one day and adds that "I'll keep the mystery blogger a secret," it probably wasn't a good idea to open your blog the next day with your SN splattered all over it. << chuckle, chuckle >> It just adds to the general impression that he's slowly losing control over Zombie World.
I also seem to recall you regularly commenting negatively on my pics. (Or maybe that was the Zombie from Florida whateverhissnis. Sorry if I've confused you two... quite understandable, though. Two peas in a bigoted, ugly, stupid, negative pod, so to speak...) And I see that you included your pic on your blog. I'm a very
nice guy and would never say anything negative about your appearance. So let's just leave it at neither of us looks like Brad Pitt. But at least one of us always looks sober in his pics...As to your personal advice to me to "GET OUT AND MEET PEOPLE," I was glad to see that you expanded on Ham's and Cindy's utterly stupid comments to an avid gardener that I should get outside more for some fresh air and sunshine. << snort >> But coming from someone who (1) now writes what, 5?, articles a day for his blog, (2) yammers in the chat room for several hours a day, and (3) gets "piss drunk" on the weekends, WTF exactly are YOU to give ANYONE social advice? And when you've met about 500 AOLers among thousands of others, give me a holler.
Personally, I think you're still just pissed at me for repeatedly pointing out what a frickin' ugly racist you are. That NWordVomit nickname I gave you stung, huh? Oh well, boo frickin' hoo.
As to your genuinely clueless comment about your perception of my negativity here, let's see you post some original poetry or fiction on your blog, then we'll talk. Or nice pics of pretty flowers? Articles about interesting events in your life? Anything other than your pale imitation of Zeeke's relentless, disgusting, and boring ugliness would be a nice change of pace for you.
BTW, I loved your disclaimer that you NEVER EVER read this blog, except of course, "JUST TODAY THO, AFTER SOMEONE SENT ME THE LINK." As your Zombie Master often says, "That's some funny shit right there."
Saturday, June 11, 2011
How's the new look?
We at Ugly Marylanders decided a new look was needed. Let us know your thoughts.
Thursday, June 9, 2011
"Ann Coulter Trashes Zeeke and the Zombies"
(Written 6/9/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders blog)
For those of you not familiar with Ann Coulter, she's the blond bombshell/ super-intelligent lawyer/ and right wing, fire-breathing, award-winning columnist, author, speaker, and tv commentator. Some of her trashing of liberals and others who cross her has been legendary.
I recently sent her some materials about Zeeke and the Zombies and she decided they were worthy of a column. She said she'd have to disguise them as liberals because, frankly, no one gives a crap about Zeeke and the Zombies outside of a small, meaningless corner of AOL.
Her initial summary of Zeeke and the Zombies was, "(they) have all the earmarks of mob psychology. Their myths, slogans, demands for immediate action, messianic goals, demonization of opponents... and occasional resorts to violence--all this is classic herd behavior."
Shades of Mensa, sure, but oh so familiar to anyone who has watched Zeeke and the Zombies in action in the chat room. The endless threats of violence, especially, by Zeeke and several of the male Zombies apparently greatly affected Ann. And their widespread use of ugly nicknames such as "Ol Faggy" and "Cocksuckingjewfagbitch" surely offended her keen intellect and sensibilities.
She went on to note that, "(Zombies) are irrational, immature, subject to wild passions and infatuations, they cannot be reasoned with. And they are always dangerous."
The lady knows how to zero in on a target, doesn't she?
She heated up with, "The mob attributes of (Zombies)... are a crowd's inability to perceive contradictions and its tendency to form an infatuation for an individual."
I guess she must've noticed the many times Zeeke and the Zombies tell others what to do that they themselves are unwilling to do, etc., or the toll their behavior has taken on the room over the last couple of years. And, gee, those pics of the Zombies with the "I Love Zeeke" tats no doubt caught her eye.
She next mentioned a quote from Gustave Le Bon that, "the convictions of (Zombies) assume those characteristics of blind submission, fierce intolerance, and the need of violent propaganda which are inherent in the religious sentiment."
[Don't you love people who can quote a French psychologist/socialist who died almost 80 years ago? Like I said, she's a super-intelligent and educated woman.]
Gee... blind submission by the Zombies? Check. Fierce intolerance? Check! Violent propaganda? Check!!! If he wasn't already long dead, I'd have to assume that ol Gustave was watching Zeeke and the Zombies on a widget.
Ann, of course, had a fine ending summary of what ails Zeeke and the Zombies: "Perhaps if they believed in a real God, (Zombies) wouldn't have to keep creating an endless stream of human gods." So, she essentially agrees with me; Zeeke isn't a god. He's just another Idiot!
Oh, and Ann's new book is, "Demonic: How the Liberal Mob Is Endangering America."
I'm sure it will be her *eighth* straight to make the NY Times Best Seller List. Its working title was, "How Zeeke and the Zombie Mob is Killing the Chat Room." (chuckle, chuckle)
For those of you not familiar with Ann Coulter, she's the blond bombshell/ super-intelligent lawyer/ and right wing, fire-breathing, award-winning columnist, author, speaker, and tv commentator. Some of her trashing of liberals and others who cross her has been legendary.
I recently sent her some materials about Zeeke and the Zombies and she decided they were worthy of a column. She said she'd have to disguise them as liberals because, frankly, no one gives a crap about Zeeke and the Zombies outside of a small, meaningless corner of AOL.
Her initial summary of Zeeke and the Zombies was, "(they) have all the earmarks of mob psychology. Their myths, slogans, demands for immediate action, messianic goals, demonization of opponents... and occasional resorts to violence--all this is classic herd behavior."
Shades of Mensa, sure, but oh so familiar to anyone who has watched Zeeke and the Zombies in action in the chat room. The endless threats of violence, especially, by Zeeke and several of the male Zombies apparently greatly affected Ann. And their widespread use of ugly nicknames such as "Ol Faggy" and "Cocksuckingjewfagbitch" surely offended her keen intellect and sensibilities.
She went on to note that, "(Zombies) are irrational, immature, subject to wild passions and infatuations, they cannot be reasoned with. And they are always dangerous."
The lady knows how to zero in on a target, doesn't she?
She heated up with, "The mob attributes of (Zombies)... are a crowd's inability to perceive contradictions and its tendency to form an infatuation for an individual."
I guess she must've noticed the many times Zeeke and the Zombies tell others what to do that they themselves are unwilling to do, etc., or the toll their behavior has taken on the room over the last couple of years. And, gee, those pics of the Zombies with the "I Love Zeeke" tats no doubt caught her eye.
She next mentioned a quote from Gustave Le Bon that, "the convictions of (Zombies) assume those characteristics of blind submission, fierce intolerance, and the need of violent propaganda which are inherent in the religious sentiment."
[Don't you love people who can quote a French psychologist/socialist who died almost 80 years ago? Like I said, she's a super-intelligent and educated woman.]
Gee... blind submission by the Zombies? Check. Fierce intolerance? Check! Violent propaganda? Check!!! If he wasn't already long dead, I'd have to assume that ol Gustave was watching Zeeke and the Zombies on a widget.
Ann, of course, had a fine ending summary of what ails Zeeke and the Zombies: "Perhaps if they believed in a real God, (Zombies) wouldn't have to keep creating an endless stream of human gods." So, she essentially agrees with me; Zeeke isn't a god. He's just another Idiot!
Oh, and Ann's new book is, "Demonic: How the Liberal Mob Is Endangering America."
I'm sure it will be her *eighth* straight to make the NY Times Best Seller List. Its working title was, "How Zeeke and the Zombie Mob is Killing the Chat Room." (chuckle, chuckle)
Sunday, June 5, 2011
"Ask and Ye Shall Receive... Mensa vs. Ham"
(Written 6/5/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
<< Mensa versus Ham thats an article for Chris to write >>
Although I'm not exactly thrilled with either, what the heck...
Mensa has much larger bazooms, and has that attractive sweaty look about her that men lust after but won't admit to. Mensa is either much funnier or (to borrow an appropriate Zeeke term) batshit crazy. And she's a world class typist.
Beth is prettier in a classic sense, but comparatively frail-looking. She also has stunning gams. And Beth is somewhat more educated, although both are very smart and well-educated.
Both are also apparently good mothers, although I have no great basis for saying that. Mensa's a non-linear, creative thinker, while Beth is a rather straight-forward one.
I'd take Beth to a White House State Dinner-Dance. I'd take Mensa to a honky-tonk on Shooter Night. And I'd enjoy both equally.
I'd bet the ranch on Mensa in a mud-wrestling match.
I'd also guess Mensa's much better in the sack, if you like that headboard-banging, leather & whips, primal scream scene. I think of Beth more as a quiet moaner.
But I wouldn't tell either a single personal detail of my life, unless I wanted the entire world to know it. And that's the sad rub with both... .
<< Mensa versus Ham thats an article for Chris to write >>
Although I'm not exactly thrilled with either, what the heck...
Mensa has much larger bazooms, and has that attractive sweaty look about her that men lust after but won't admit to. Mensa is either much funnier or (to borrow an appropriate Zeeke term) batshit crazy. And she's a world class typist.
Beth is prettier in a classic sense, but comparatively frail-looking. She also has stunning gams. And Beth is somewhat more educated, although both are very smart and well-educated.
Both are also apparently good mothers, although I have no great basis for saying that. Mensa's a non-linear, creative thinker, while Beth is a rather straight-forward one.
I'd take Beth to a White House State Dinner-Dance. I'd take Mensa to a honky-tonk on Shooter Night. And I'd enjoy both equally.
I'd bet the ranch on Mensa in a mud-wrestling match.
I'd also guess Mensa's much better in the sack, if you like that headboard-banging, leather & whips, primal scream scene. I think of Beth more as a quiet moaner.
But I wouldn't tell either a single personal detail of my life, unless I wanted the entire world to know it. And that's the sad rub with both... .
Saturday, June 4, 2011
"Zeeke and the Zombies Are Having Withdrawal Pains"
(Written 6/3/11 by PrancerTheSwami for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
Since the split of the room, Zeeke and the Zombies have been jonesing bad for The Swami. The Swami has gotten used to being the main focal point of Zeeke and the Zombies, but their behavior since the room split has The Swami a bit worried. The Swami has just never understood addicts and their behaviors.
Take Zeeke... please. HA HA Anyway... Zeeke's behavior has been typical. Well, typical of any addict deprived of their fix. Having impulsively chosen to create a new room out of an unjustified fear of getting bolted, he didn't realize that he could no longer call The Swami "cocksuckingfagjewbitch" 25 times a day in the old room. And his incessant whining in his new room about The Swami has obviously left him still "in need" of a Swami-bashing fix.
So, Zeeke's taken two large steps to get some relief. He's writing articles on his blog about The Swami at a feverish pace. He even felt such a strong need for a Swami Fix that he added 34 comments to one of his articles in a span of just three minutes. The Swami respectfully suggests that just posting "Swami, PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE give me some attention!!!!" would've worked as well and saved him many keystrokes.
Zeeke's second step was to send a flurry of Zombies into the regular room to let The Swami know just how very special he is. But desperation breeds stupidity, as in sending a gal who says she's a middle-aged corporate executive who's happily married, financially set, blah blah blah, into the room 100 times a day to beg people to come to his room. That's just pathetic. Seriously! And Zeeke's cowardice certainly doesn't justify pointing a stream of Zombie Drive-byers at us who have nothing more creative to say than, ":::sounds Brain Fog Horn:::." Lordy... Zeeke apparently doesn't have anyone else in his room with, say, a triple-digit IQ??? C'mon, wake Beth up for a few minutes from the semi-coma she's been in since siding with you, and have her write something with a minor spark of wit.
The Swami, in all honesty, must admit to missing Zeeke a bit. His forefinger, however, is grateful for no longer having to point at the monitor 132 times a day while The Swami mutters, "You're an Idiot!" The Swami's forefinger says that Zeeke's current pace of blogging about The Swami causes a sustainable pace of finger-pointing.
Oh, and The Swami appreciates the subtle humor of Zeeke in one article claiming he created his new room to "allow the free flow of thoughts and ideas without some cranky ole hypercritical gurlyman censoring our chat" while noting in the very next article his policy on bolting people from his room he doesn't like just for shits & giggles. That "free flow" somehow got lost during the 26 hours between articles. (chuckle, chuckle) The Swami has always been fascinated by such random musings of the lower life forms.
Since the split of the room, Zeeke and the Zombies have been jonesing bad for The Swami. The Swami has gotten used to being the main focal point of Zeeke and the Zombies, but their behavior since the room split has The Swami a bit worried. The Swami has just never understood addicts and their behaviors.
Take Zeeke... please. HA HA Anyway... Zeeke's behavior has been typical. Well, typical of any addict deprived of their fix. Having impulsively chosen to create a new room out of an unjustified fear of getting bolted, he didn't realize that he could no longer call The Swami "cocksuckingfagjewbitch" 25 times a day in the old room. And his incessant whining in his new room about The Swami has obviously left him still "in need" of a Swami-bashing fix.
So, Zeeke's taken two large steps to get some relief. He's writing articles on his blog about The Swami at a feverish pace. He even felt such a strong need for a Swami Fix that he added 34 comments to one of his articles in a span of just three minutes. The Swami respectfully suggests that just posting "Swami, PLEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAASE give me some attention!!!!" would've worked as well and saved him many keystrokes.
Zeeke's second step was to send a flurry of Zombies into the regular room to let The Swami know just how very special he is. But desperation breeds stupidity, as in sending a gal who says she's a middle-aged corporate executive who's happily married, financially set, blah blah blah, into the room 100 times a day to beg people to come to his room. That's just pathetic. Seriously! And Zeeke's cowardice certainly doesn't justify pointing a stream of Zombie Drive-byers at us who have nothing more creative to say than, ":::sounds Brain Fog Horn:::." Lordy... Zeeke apparently doesn't have anyone else in his room with, say, a triple-digit IQ??? C'mon, wake Beth up for a few minutes from the semi-coma she's been in since siding with you, and have her write something with a minor spark of wit.
The Swami, in all honesty, must admit to missing Zeeke a bit. His forefinger, however, is grateful for no longer having to point at the monitor 132 times a day while The Swami mutters, "You're an Idiot!" The Swami's forefinger says that Zeeke's current pace of blogging about The Swami causes a sustainable pace of finger-pointing.
Oh, and The Swami appreciates the subtle humor of Zeeke in one article claiming he created his new room to "allow the free flow of thoughts and ideas without some cranky ole hypercritical gurlyman censoring our chat" while noting in the very next article his policy on bolting people from his room he doesn't like just for shits & giggles. That "free flow" somehow got lost during the 26 hours between articles. (chuckle, chuckle) The Swami has always been fascinated by such random musings of the lower life forms.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
Sunday, May 29, 2011
"Today, I Remember"
"Today, I Remember"
(Posted to the Uglier Marylanders blog 5/30/11 by ChristopherK2)
[FYI, this is a "prayer poem" that I originally wrote for Memorial Day, 1997, and that I've since been posting somewhere on this very special holiday. A composite pic of me and my Uncle Mike appears below.]
To the soldiers who, like my Uncle Mike, gave their lives for our country:
Too often I forget about you, but today, I remember.
My thoughts are crowded with images of the Hell you confronted.
You fought those demons, and I am awed by the bravery you summoned.
Your blood was spilled in countless places, all now hallowed grounds.
You sacrificed yourself for us, and I am humbled by your deeds.
You left behind friends and family, who must be so very proud.
But there is a hole in their lives that cannot be filled.
No mere words can properly convey the feelings that I have, now.
But, from a grateful citizen, thank you.
May your souls rest in eternal peace.
And I pray that there is a special place in Heaven reserved for you.
And to my Uncle Mike, this much more:
Your life and death have touched so many, in ways that are still being tallied.
I pray that you, Grandma, Granddad, Helen, Hilda, Celia,
Dad, Mom, and David are together again.
The rest of us will join you, soon enough.
And then our family can be whole, again.
You died in a lonely battlefield in France, surrounded by unimaginable horror.
You were so alone then... how did you find the courage?
And how do I find it? Is it within me?
You are so much a part of me, and I can never forget you.
For every time I look in the mirror, I also see you.
But today is a special day.
I honor the memory of you with this writing.
I know that it is small, compared to the sacrifice that you made.
But, from a grateful citizen, thank you.
And from your nephew, thank you for what you gave me.
May your soul rest in eternal peace.
By Christopher
Copyright 5/26/97, 5/30/11
(Posted to the Uglier Marylanders blog 5/30/11 by ChristopherK2)
[FYI, this is a "prayer poem" that I originally wrote for Memorial Day, 1997, and that I've since been posting somewhere on this very special holiday. A composite pic of me and my Uncle Mike appears below.]
To the soldiers who, like my Uncle Mike, gave their lives for our country:
Too often I forget about you, but today, I remember.
My thoughts are crowded with images of the Hell you confronted.
You fought those demons, and I am awed by the bravery you summoned.
Your blood was spilled in countless places, all now hallowed grounds.
You sacrificed yourself for us, and I am humbled by your deeds.
You left behind friends and family, who must be so very proud.
But there is a hole in their lives that cannot be filled.
No mere words can properly convey the feelings that I have, now.
But, from a grateful citizen, thank you.
May your souls rest in eternal peace.
And I pray that there is a special place in Heaven reserved for you.
And to my Uncle Mike, this much more:
Your life and death have touched so many, in ways that are still being tallied.
I pray that you, Grandma, Granddad, Helen, Hilda, Celia,
Dad, Mom, and David are together again.
The rest of us will join you, soon enough.
And then our family can be whole, again.
You died in a lonely battlefield in France, surrounded by unimaginable horror.
You were so alone then... how did you find the courage?
And how do I find it? Is it within me?
You are so much a part of me, and I can never forget you.
For every time I look in the mirror, I also see you.
But today is a special day.
I honor the memory of you with this writing.
I know that it is small, compared to the sacrifice that you made.
But, from a grateful citizen, thank you.
And from your nephew, thank you for what you gave me.
May your soul rest in eternal peace.
By Christopher
Copyright 5/26/97, 5/30/11
Friday, May 27, 2011
All hands for the Ronnie intervention
We must get Ronnie in a rehab asap.
YOUMAKEMEVOMlT6: i know for a fact ive overdosed on alcohol many many times
YOUMAKEMEVOMlT6: i know for a fact ive overdosed on alcohol many many times
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
"Caution: Children at Play"
(Written 5/24/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
[For those who didn't know, about a week ago AOL was having serious technical problems and closed all of the chat rooms four times within a day. I wound up the room owner of the Marylanders Over 35 room the last two times, and I still am. Zeeke and the Zombies fled and created their own room, despite my position that I wouldn't ban any room regulars.]
Both groups seem happy with the new arrangement, so I'm not sure why some from the other room persist in childish crap.
It's taken two forms so far. They come in to the Over 35 room under Sham screen names, like "Bonnies Liver." I have no idea who they are, so I ban them. The other childish form is the drive-by. They come in under their normal SN, fire a copy/paste of some ugly stupidity, and then hastily flee. The quickness used to be necessary to avoid getting banned, but I don't do that. So I have no idea why they flee so rapidly.
Below are some examples of the drive-bys. Keep in mind that these people are supposedly mature adults, most in their 40s or older. Perky, for example, has been around AOL many years, and says she's a corporate executive who's happily married. And yet, she now spends her precious spare time as Chief Spammer for the Zeeke Cult.
Perkyonex2: Lonely? Tired of the same old self righteous, boring rants? Visit the Love Fest Room and actually Chat with real fonts on subjects that make sense!
Perkyonex2: OnlineHost: *** You have ejected GuyLikesDark from this room ***
Perkyonex2: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[The latter remark of Perky's apparently reflects one of those mature topics they discuss there regularly.]
Dee Md 9257: wow...you all sure did kill this room...way to go .....
Dee Md 9257: new room...you're not invited...life is great..ta ta
HeddRoxx1: :::sounds Brain Fog Horn:::
EminenceFrontal: wow...it's hopping in here
EminenceFrontal: just kill it
EminenceFrontal: let it go
EminenceFrontal: end the misery
Well, let me just say this in the vernacular of such 12-year-old girls: Namby-pamby boo fuckin' hoo. :)~~
[For those who didn't know, about a week ago AOL was having serious technical problems and closed all of the chat rooms four times within a day. I wound up the room owner of the Marylanders Over 35 room the last two times, and I still am. Zeeke and the Zombies fled and created their own room, despite my position that I wouldn't ban any room regulars.]
Both groups seem happy with the new arrangement, so I'm not sure why some from the other room persist in childish crap.
It's taken two forms so far. They come in to the Over 35 room under Sham screen names, like "Bonnies Liver." I have no idea who they are, so I ban them. The other childish form is the drive-by. They come in under their normal SN, fire a copy/paste of some ugly stupidity, and then hastily flee. The quickness used to be necessary to avoid getting banned, but I don't do that. So I have no idea why they flee so rapidly.
Below are some examples of the drive-bys. Keep in mind that these people are supposedly mature adults, most in their 40s or older. Perky, for example, has been around AOL many years, and says she's a corporate executive who's happily married. And yet, she now spends her precious spare time as Chief Spammer for the Zeeke Cult.
Perkyonex2: Lonely? Tired of the same old self righteous, boring rants? Visit the Love Fest Room and actually Chat with real fonts on subjects that make sense!
Perkyonex2: OnlineHost: *** You have ejected GuyLikesDark from this room ***
Perkyonex2: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
[The latter remark of Perky's apparently reflects one of those mature topics they discuss there regularly.]
Dee Md 9257: wow...you all sure did kill this room...way to go .....
Dee Md 9257: new room...you're not invited...life is great..ta ta
HeddRoxx1: :::sounds Brain Fog Horn:::
EminenceFrontal: wow...it's hopping in here
EminenceFrontal: just kill it
EminenceFrontal: let it go
EminenceFrontal: end the misery
Well, let me just say this in the vernacular of such 12-year-old girls: Namby-pamby boo fuckin' hoo. :)~~
Friday, May 20, 2011
And today's lotto winner is
The Swami. Doing a little magic carpet ride that sanity has come back to the room. Bet the non-lifers are having a melt down over this.
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
How to become a stalker
I'm wondering if Cindy could shed some tips on why and how to develop a stalking career. If not, maybe us normal people can discuss on why someone would want to spend 19 hours a day googling others?
Wednesday, May 11, 2011
Hot or not
I thought it might make a good topic to discuss whether Rose is hot or not. What is or isn't attractive about her?
Tuesday, May 10, 2011
"You're an Idiot!"
"You're an Idiot!"
(Written 5/7/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
I was under somewhat of a handicap when I joined AOL: I had only known "normal" people up until that time.
Sure, there was the occasional oddball, juvenile delinquent, or stoner. But even they fell within a fairly loose definition of normal. And when I first joined the chat room, it was full of normal people. There were a few people who got somewhat pissy with newbies, (probably because of possession issues) and with each other. But it was almost entirely mature, educated, interesting adults.
Then AOL went to the flat rate, sent out a bazillion CDs, and millions of kids were given computers for Christmas. Suddenly AOL and the room were flooded with kids. That wasn't too bad because I had already been a stepdad. So, I at least understood them although I didn't consider the vast majority of them adults. Several of them were actually quite interesting.
But the real change began with the Mensa Cult and SexySplder. I had never been around anyone like them or the "kronies." And they brought out the latent stupidity in many others. I was astounded and a bit confused by what developed. For reasons I still don't understand, I became intent on understanding these people. I wasted a lot of time trying to figure them out... what particular emotional/psychological issues did they have? Why??? What could I do?
Eventually, I was having a chat with an old buddy, ShadowFace, who knew several of them better than I did. So I asked him. And his answer set me on a new path. He said, simply, "Don't know. Don't care."
Thus, I decided to just lump all of the mentally/socially/psychologically impaired roomies under one heading, then Perm Ignore them (back when that was possible with PowerTools). I thought for a moment and settled on "Idiot" as the label.
So... what's the medical explanation for why a nearly 50-year-old guy spends 5-10 hours a day in an AOL chat room playing a "mind fuck" game? "Don't know. Don't care. He's an Idiot."
Why does another guy who lives 1,000 miles away spend a few hours a day cussing up a storm and viciously attacking people... err... SNs... he doesn't like? "Don't know. Don't care. He's an Idiot."
Why do some people here spew nasty racial, homophobic, anti-Semitic, and misogynistic slurs? "Don't know. Don't care. They're Idiots."
So, when you see me ignoring the insults, lies, etc., in the room--especially those directed at me--just imagine me mentally pointing my finger at the accuser and silently mouthing "You're an Idiot." I've been a LOT calmer and saved oodles of time since I adopted that philosophy.
And I wish a lot more people would do the same.
(Written 5/7/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
I was under somewhat of a handicap when I joined AOL: I had only known "normal" people up until that time.
Sure, there was the occasional oddball, juvenile delinquent, or stoner. But even they fell within a fairly loose definition of normal. And when I first joined the chat room, it was full of normal people. There were a few people who got somewhat pissy with newbies, (probably because of possession issues) and with each other. But it was almost entirely mature, educated, interesting adults.
Then AOL went to the flat rate, sent out a bazillion CDs, and millions of kids were given computers for Christmas. Suddenly AOL and the room were flooded with kids. That wasn't too bad because I had already been a stepdad. So, I at least understood them although I didn't consider the vast majority of them adults. Several of them were actually quite interesting.
But the real change began with the Mensa Cult and SexySplder. I had never been around anyone like them or the "kronies." And they brought out the latent stupidity in many others. I was astounded and a bit confused by what developed. For reasons I still don't understand, I became intent on understanding these people. I wasted a lot of time trying to figure them out... what particular emotional/psychological issues did they have? Why??? What could I do?
Eventually, I was having a chat with an old buddy, ShadowFace, who knew several of them better than I did. So I asked him. And his answer set me on a new path. He said, simply, "Don't know. Don't care."
Thus, I decided to just lump all of the mentally/socially/psychologically impaired roomies under one heading, then Perm Ignore them (back when that was possible with PowerTools). I thought for a moment and settled on "Idiot" as the label.
So... what's the medical explanation for why a nearly 50-year-old guy spends 5-10 hours a day in an AOL chat room playing a "mind fuck" game? "Don't know. Don't care. He's an Idiot."
Why does another guy who lives 1,000 miles away spend a few hours a day cussing up a storm and viciously attacking people... err... SNs... he doesn't like? "Don't know. Don't care. He's an Idiot."
Why do some people here spew nasty racial, homophobic, anti-Semitic, and misogynistic slurs? "Don't know. Don't care. They're Idiots."
So, when you see me ignoring the insults, lies, etc., in the room--especially those directed at me--just imagine me mentally pointing my finger at the accuser and silently mouthing "You're an Idiot." I've been a LOT calmer and saved oodles of time since I adopted that philosophy.
And I wish a lot more people would do the same.
Thursday, May 5, 2011
"Today's Lesson in Homophobia"
(Written 5/4/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
It must be tough being both a homophobe and a mindless basher. In order to avoid looking totally stupid...well, more so than usual... you have to remember what you bashed someone *else* about so that you don't wind up admitting that you do exactly the same thing.
And if you know ahead of time--or suddenly realize you screwed up and admitted that you do the same thing--you have to somehow create a distinction. Thus motorcycles are "manly" *except* purple ones, which are "gay." And planting flowers is manly (for some but not all Zombies) unless you plant pansies, which are gay.
Tonight, we saw another variant of this in the chat room. Near as I can tell from this and the related chat on Bonnie's blog, somehow exchanging cake icing recipes is "manly" but watching the recent royal wedding and/or discussing Kate's wedding dress is "gay." These distinctions just confuse me, but I'm confident that if the chats were reversed Zeeke and Ham would be busting on me for discussing the finer points of cake icing with six... count them, six... women.
TheZeekEffect: nix ate my icing by the spoonful
BrunetteLady12: I like custard filling
HamOnWryX2: i love that stuff
TheZeekEffect: 8 oz cream cheese and 5 cups of 10 x
Perkyonex2: is that how you make icing?
TheZeekEffect: i do
Perkyonex2: hmmm thats easy enough
SxyMAFlAHlTWoman: I like the custard with strawberries inside and whipped cream and strawberries (chocolate dipped) on the outside
TheZeekEffect: cream cheese peanut butter icing is good too
TheZeekEffect: a lil milk a lil vanilla..
Perkyonex2: how much peanut butter do you add?
TheZeekEffect: i never measure
Eyore4129: cream cheese and peanut butter..hmmm
Puppers66: lmao
Perkyonex2: you're like a grandmother...a pinch of that..pinch of this
TheZeekEffect: i would guess a cup
Puppers66: cakes by zeek
[about 2 minutes later:]
TheZeekEffect: I would also like to add that I dont know a single man who watched the royal wedding
TheZeekEffect: and get excited over royal weddings
It must be tough being both a homophobe and a mindless basher. In order to avoid looking totally stupid...well, more so than usual... you have to remember what you bashed someone *else* about so that you don't wind up admitting that you do exactly the same thing.
And if you know ahead of time--or suddenly realize you screwed up and admitted that you do the same thing--you have to somehow create a distinction. Thus motorcycles are "manly" *except* purple ones, which are "gay." And planting flowers is manly (for some but not all Zombies) unless you plant pansies, which are gay.
Tonight, we saw another variant of this in the chat room. Near as I can tell from this and the related chat on Bonnie's blog, somehow exchanging cake icing recipes is "manly" but watching the recent royal wedding and/or discussing Kate's wedding dress is "gay." These distinctions just confuse me, but I'm confident that if the chats were reversed Zeeke and Ham would be busting on me for discussing the finer points of cake icing with six... count them, six... women.
TheZeekEffect: nix ate my icing by the spoonful
BrunetteLady12: I like custard filling
HamOnWryX2: i love that stuff
TheZeekEffect: 8 oz cream cheese and 5 cups of 10 x
Perkyonex2: is that how you make icing?
TheZeekEffect: i do
Perkyonex2: hmmm thats easy enough
SxyMAFlAHlTWoman: I like the custard with strawberries inside and whipped cream and strawberries (chocolate dipped) on the outside
TheZeekEffect: cream cheese peanut butter icing is good too
TheZeekEffect: a lil milk a lil vanilla..
Perkyonex2: how much peanut butter do you add?
TheZeekEffect: i never measure
Eyore4129: cream cheese and peanut butter..hmmm
Puppers66: lmao
Perkyonex2: you're like a grandmother...a pinch of that..pinch of this
TheZeekEffect: i would guess a cup
Puppers66: cakes by zeek
[about 2 minutes later:]
TheZeekEffect: I would also like to add that I dont know a single man who watched the royal wedding
TheZeekEffect: and get excited over royal weddings
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
"Early Bloomers"
(Written 4/26/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
The old adage "April Showers Bring May Flowers" hints at one challenge for gardeners. There really isn't much flowering going on IN April--much less March--for many folks. Sure, some smaller trees (cherry, dogwood, magnolia, redbud, and plum) kick in about mid-April. As do several medium-to-large shrubs, mostly the azalea-rhododendron-pieris group along with kerria and quince. But other than the forsythia, there's precious little in March or very early April. And there's almost nothing close to the ground other than creeping phlox.
To the rescue come bulbs! They've become less popular over the past 10 years or so because of the general impatience of people. ("I plant them NOW, but I don't see anything for five months???") I've always thought that a mistaken notion because there's a huge variety of sizes, shapes and colors for bulbs blooming from mid-March (crocus, hyacinth, dwarf iris), early April (daffodil, glory of the snow, grape hyacinth, puschkinia, squill, windflower), and mid-April (tulip).
And bulbs are far easier to plant and maintain than perennials. You just dig a moderate-size hole, plop in the bulbs, dump in a bunch of amended soil and fertilizer, add water, then forget about them for five months. Although the 1,700 bulbs I planted for this year sounds like a LOT, keep in mind that I plant them in clusters of 10-50, and even did one 40' trench with 200 of them.
There are many designs to use for bulbs. Although I tend towards the small clusters strewn all about, your imagination is your only real limit. At my old house, I did a large valentine with several different colors of crocus. A few examples follow:
A fine early-April bulb is the Grape Hyacinth, which also naturalizes (multiplies) very well (here in a cluster of abo
ut 45):
Tulips are a classic cluster type and come in many colors, shapes, and sizes. Below is a group of 15 small 'Apple Blossom Mix' near my patio.
I like to use larger tulips to surround plain evergreen shrubs. Here are 50 'Spring Essentials Mix' tulips surrounding a juniper.
My one major bulb project was the group of 200 I mentioned, which is along my parking lot. It's 125 grape hyacinth in front of 75 daffodils ('Dutch Master'). They both multiple readily, so in a few years they will have doubled or more and will look absolutely awesome. In the pic below, the daffodils had already started to fade a bit.
Another way to show color early in the year is plants noted for their foliage, and which don't die over the winter. Below are a couple of lovely coral bells ('Key Lime Pie' and 'Caramel') beside my shed. I have about 20 coral bells in a wide variety of colors and patterns.
As I mentioned, there are a few good shrubs that flower this early. One of my favs--just because the flower is so strange looking--is a fothergilla ('Blue Shadow'), below. They also smell like honey. Incidentally, its foliage starts out as blue-green and in the falls turns gorgeous shades of red, orange, and yellow.
Lastly, the pieris has weird-looking flowers if you've never seen one before. This one was planted long ago by the prior owner, so it's fully grown.
So, the message clearly is... PLANT SOME BULBS!
The old adage "April Showers Bring May Flowers" hints at one challenge for gardeners. There really isn't much flowering going on IN April--much less March--for many folks. Sure, some smaller trees (cherry, dogwood, magnolia, redbud, and plum) kick in about mid-April. As do several medium-to-large shrubs, mostly the azalea-rhododendron-pieris group along with kerria and quince. But other than the forsythia, there's precious little in March or very early April. And there's almost nothing close to the ground other than creeping phlox.
To the rescue come bulbs! They've become less popular over the past 10 years or so because of the general impatience of people. ("I plant them NOW, but I don't see anything for five months???") I've always thought that a mistaken notion because there's a huge variety of sizes, shapes and colors for bulbs blooming from mid-March (crocus, hyacinth, dwarf iris), early April (daffodil, glory of the snow, grape hyacinth, puschkinia, squill, windflower), and mid-April (tulip).
And bulbs are far easier to plant and maintain than perennials. You just dig a moderate-size hole, plop in the bulbs, dump in a bunch of amended soil and fertilizer, add water, then forget about them for five months. Although the 1,700 bulbs I planted for this year sounds like a LOT, keep in mind that I plant them in clusters of 10-50, and even did one 40' trench with 200 of them.
There are many designs to use for bulbs. Although I tend towards the small clusters strewn all about, your imagination is your only real limit. At my old house, I did a large valentine with several different colors of crocus. A few examples follow:
A fine early-April bulb is the Grape Hyacinth, which also naturalizes (multiplies) very well (here in a cluster of abo
ut 45):Tulips are a classic cluster type and come in many colors, shapes, and sizes. Below is a group of 15 small 'Apple Blossom Mix' near my patio.
I like to use larger tulips to surround plain evergreen shrubs. Here are 50 'Spring Essentials Mix' tulips surrounding a juniper.
My one major bulb project was the group of 200 I mentioned, which is along my parking lot. It's 125 grape hyacinth in front of 75 daffodils ('Dutch Master'). They both multiple readily, so in a few years they will have doubled or more and will look absolutely awesome. In the pic below, the daffodils had already started to fade a bit.
Another way to show color early in the year is plants noted for their foliage, and which don't die over the winter. Below are a couple of lovely coral bells ('Key Lime Pie' and 'Caramel') beside my shed. I have about 20 coral bells in a wide variety of colors and patterns.
As I mentioned, there are a few good shrubs that flower this early. One of my favs--just because the flower is so strange looking--is a fothergilla ('Blue Shadow'), below. They also smell like honey. Incidentally, its foliage starts out as blue-green and in the falls turns gorgeous shades of red, orange, and yellow.
Lastly, the pieris has weird-looking flowers if you've never seen one before. This one was planted long ago by the prior owner, so it's fully grown.
So, the message clearly is... PLANT SOME BULBS!
Sunday, April 24, 2011
"On Creative Writing"
(Written 4/24/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)
<< So much for K2s creative writing, this is nothing more than cut n paste. >> Zeeke
Let's skip by the logic of copy/pasting myself. Logic isn't your strength.
So let's look at the creative side. Your idea of creativity on a blog is to steal a semi-amusing pic via Google, label it as someone you hate, and add a bunch of your usual puerile insults. In the chat room, you do the same thing without the pics. You've been using the same dozen or so insults for many years, along with a couple of catch phrases.
[Minor tip: Saying "Did she just type that?" was amusing the first couple of times a few years ago, and could still be if you used it once a week or so. But saying it 10 times a day kills its effectiveness.]
And that's the overall problem with your "humor." You have zero creativity so you can't think of anything NEW to say. You're probably saying the same insults you said in eighth grade. Or at least it seems that your sense of humor stalled at that point.
But there IS hope. I suggest a good creative writing course. In the one I had in high school (12th grade... ya'know... the one YOU skipped), we had many kinds of writing exercises. We wrote a myth forgawdsake, along with short poems in the style of various famous poets, short stories, editorials, and in many other formats.
The main idea behind creative writing is NOT to compile a long list of phrases to use (as you do). It's to foster a mind set of ORIGINAL thinking about situations... to mentally start with a blank sheet of paper each time you write. The old Red Smith quote is something like, "Good writing is easy. Just cut open a vein and bleed all over the page."
You don't "bleed" at all. Never. You just mindlessly repeat yourself. Like with Bonnie. You've been saying EXACTLY the same 10 or so ugly things about her for nearly a decade. Aren't you just TOTALLY bored with that? Seriously...
And then there's the cussing. Normal adults get over that by their mid-20s. We realize it's ineffective and really just intellectual laziness. The only buds of yours that remain impressed by it are Pikle and Vomit. And who would want them as yardsticks? The rest of your cult likes you *despite* your cussing, not because of it.
I sense that you want to go beyond cussing. I saw it when you *tried* to come up with a new "word" for me. Alas, you wound up with cocksuckingjewfagbitch. Compressing four slurs into one is NOT creative; it's just soporific. You need to "think outside of the box."
Try starting with a good thesaurus. As Zimagal once wrote, "Hmmmm....maybe 'needy' isn't the right description for you. How about 'an obtuse, insipid, jejune, banal, puerile, tedious, vapid, trite, impertinent snip with delusions of grandeur?' I do know the meaning of all the above words, and yes, it does mean I am smarter than you are--deal with it." Priceless!
You've often bragged about how your blog articles *only* take three minutes to write. It shows. And your lack of readership is the evidence. Take your time. THINK about what you want to say. Reread it and rewrite it until it's right. Yes, it IS work. But bleed a little and you'll be MUCH happier with the results.
As to the chat room, let me just note that QUANTITY is NOT the answer. You babble. Incessantly. Over and over and OVER. Haven't you ever noticed that--except for Bonnie and Guy and a couple of the lesser lights in Zombie World--nearly everyone else just disappears when y'all start and heads off to go read CNN or something while y'all rant on? Hello! That's because we've all gotten bored stupid with you!
Heck, I'm *still* trying out new forms of writing, and otherwise improving my skills, at age 64. And here you are at just 49 and you've given up??? Surely, you won't admit that "ol faggy" is thrashing you at this stuff? Right? Go on... give it a shot! Tick tock!
I'm just trying to help out a brother here. Besides, it's in my best interests, too. I hate falling asleep in the middle of one of your rants and banging my head on my desk.
<< So much for K2s creative writing, this is nothing more than cut n paste. >> Zeeke
Let's skip by the logic of copy/pasting myself. Logic isn't your strength.
So let's look at the creative side. Your idea of creativity on a blog is to steal a semi-amusing pic via Google, label it as someone you hate, and add a bunch of your usual puerile insults. In the chat room, you do the same thing without the pics. You've been using the same dozen or so insults for many years, along with a couple of catch phrases.
[Minor tip: Saying "Did she just type that?" was amusing the first couple of times a few years ago, and could still be if you used it once a week or so. But saying it 10 times a day kills its effectiveness.]
And that's the overall problem with your "humor." You have zero creativity so you can't think of anything NEW to say. You're probably saying the same insults you said in eighth grade. Or at least it seems that your sense of humor stalled at that point.
But there IS hope. I suggest a good creative writing course. In the one I had in high school (12th grade... ya'know... the one YOU skipped), we had many kinds of writing exercises. We wrote a myth forgawdsake, along with short poems in the style of various famous poets, short stories, editorials, and in many other formats.
The main idea behind creative writing is NOT to compile a long list of phrases to use (as you do). It's to foster a mind set of ORIGINAL thinking about situations... to mentally start with a blank sheet of paper each time you write. The old Red Smith quote is something like, "Good writing is easy. Just cut open a vein and bleed all over the page."
You don't "bleed" at all. Never. You just mindlessly repeat yourself. Like with Bonnie. You've been saying EXACTLY the same 10 or so ugly things about her for nearly a decade. Aren't you just TOTALLY bored with that? Seriously...
And then there's the cussing. Normal adults get over that by their mid-20s. We realize it's ineffective and really just intellectual laziness. The only buds of yours that remain impressed by it are Pikle and Vomit. And who would want them as yardsticks? The rest of your cult likes you *despite* your cussing, not because of it.
I sense that you want to go beyond cussing. I saw it when you *tried* to come up with a new "word" for me. Alas, you wound up with cocksuckingjewfagbitch. Compressing four slurs into one is NOT creative; it's just soporific. You need to "think outside of the box."
Try starting with a good thesaurus. As Zimagal once wrote, "Hmmmm....maybe 'needy' isn't the right description for you. How about 'an obtuse, insipid, jejune, banal, puerile, tedious, vapid, trite, impertinent snip with delusions of grandeur?' I do know the meaning of all the above words, and yes, it does mean I am smarter than you are--deal with it." Priceless!
You've often bragged about how your blog articles *only* take three minutes to write. It shows. And your lack of readership is the evidence. Take your time. THINK about what you want to say. Reread it and rewrite it until it's right. Yes, it IS work. But bleed a little and you'll be MUCH happier with the results.
As to the chat room, let me just note that QUANTITY is NOT the answer. You babble. Incessantly. Over and over and OVER. Haven't you ever noticed that--except for Bonnie and Guy and a couple of the lesser lights in Zombie World--nearly everyone else just disappears when y'all start and heads off to go read CNN or something while y'all rant on? Hello! That's because we've all gotten bored stupid with you!
Heck, I'm *still* trying out new forms of writing, and otherwise improving my skills, at age 64. And here you are at just 49 and you've given up??? Surely, you won't admit that "ol faggy" is thrashing you at this stuff? Right? Go on... give it a shot! Tick tock!
I'm just trying to help out a brother here. Besides, it's in my best interests, too. I hate falling asleep in the middle of one of your rants and banging my head on my desk.
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