"Model Citizens Beth and Cindy"

(Written 3/16/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)

HamOnWryX2: its just sad so much effort is expended on that
HamOnWryX2: I cant really imagine it being that important
Cindy32863: he really needs to get a hobby..go volunteer..something
HamOnWryX2: get out the house....do something
HamOnWryX2: he just needs to get out more...breathe fresh air...expand his little world
HamOnWryX2: get out of the yard

I've thought about this long and hard, and decided that I want to be just like Beth and Cindy! They are, after all, model citizens and darn near perfect!

So, effective immediately, I will start doing as many of the following as possible. This is all new territory for me, so any helpful suggestions by anyone will be greatly appreciated!

1. I will find a job! I'm not sure, however, just how many "work at home" jobs there are in Hagerspatch that allow you to take frequent, long breaks to yammer on AOL.

2. Their "get out of the yard" and "get a hobby" ideas seem to somehow conflict with my prodigious gardening efforts, so I'll quit all of that. Photography apparently doesn't count, either, so I'll drop that, too! Anyone needs lots of world-class photography or gardening equipment?

3. Ballroom dancing doesn't satisfy Beth's strict "breathe fresh air" mantra, so it's gone. Giving up gardening and landscape/flower photography shot in the ass my main fresh air/sunshine activities, so I'll need a replacement. Hmmm... just WTF do THEY do in that regard???

4. I'm a little unclear about the meaning of Beth/Cindy's vague "get out of the house" and "do something" rules. So I'll just follow their leads for now. First up will be going to an AOL Dive on Saturday nights to get "piss drunk." Sounds like fun!

5. My writing efforts obviously upset them, so I'll have to drop all forms of that hobby. So much for all those nice, creative articles, poems, etc., that everyone else loves! It seems that I have to replace those with far more hours each week mindlessly bashing people in the chat room. Uggghh... I'll have to figure out ways to say the same ugly things about people over and over and over for years on end. How do they DO that???

6. Worst of all--but obviously worth the cost--I'll have to dump all of my nice, mature adult friends and acquaintances and replace them with Yum Yums like Zeeke and the Zombies. But hey, then I can learn how to "tear up pussy" and we all know what a critical social skill THAT is!

7. Continuing my education is obviously worthless with Beth and Cindy, so I'll have to tank my plans for Diploma #7. Darn, I was sooooooooo hoping for 10 of them before I die. Maybe Cindy and Beth would accept me formally studying "How To Be a Chat Room Bully" or "Mindfucking." They seem to be VERY impressed by those. Oh... are there diplomas for those???

8. I'll also need to develop some new, vital chat room skills, like cursing, lying, rumor mongering, and just making up shit about people. I've heard that they're covered in depth in Zombie School, so I should be fine.

I know it'll be very hard work, but I aim to be a total Yum Yum a year from now! Wish me luck!

"Beth's... ummm... Recovered Memories"

(Written 3/13/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)

I was trying to be nice, there.

For reason(s) unknown, Beth has recently been spewing personal attacks my way in the room. Most have been the usual references to the "musty golden oldie days" and other minor crap. When I didn't respond to those, she got desperate last night.

She dredged up some supposed memory about a comment I allegedly made on the blog more than a year ago about my computer knowledge. You can often measure desperation by remoteness in time, vagueness, lack of sense, and inability to provide proof.

But Beth's comments were also instructive for how Zeeke and the Zombies play their "mind fuck" games, and illustrate one primary reason I normally don't bother with responding to their stupidity. If you respond to them pointing out that they're wrong, they simply change their story and go on bashing! It's kinda like punching a large bag of dooty: the dooty just reforms itself, and still smells bad.

Here are the successive generations of Beth's allegation as I countered each one:

HamOnWryX2: yeah k2 who claims he knows nothing about computers when asked about stuff on the blog now is a techie
HamOnWryX2: i will concede that knowing how to wipe a drive isnt all that techie, hows that
HamOnWryX2: i'm sure its on the blog somewhere
HamOnWryX2: that you wouldn't know how to do anything with a blog, more or less
HamOnWryX2: i didn't say you were an expert nor did I say in comparison with ugly or anyone else
HamOnWryX2: okay that's nnot what we recall you saying, but whatev

So, Beth went from "he claims he knows nothing about computers" to "wouldn't know how to do anything with a blog" to "not an expert" to a huffy "not what we recall" in about five blazing minutes. And with nary a sign of intellectual whiplash!

Also, she was "remembering" a supposed comment of mine that was oh-so-conveniently deleted long ago when the old blog died. ("The old blog's been deleted? Oh good, he can't PROVE us wrong!")

Unfortunately for Beth and the others in her little clique, they face the harsh reality that I simply don't lie. So suggesting that I lie is a stupid tactic. And suggesting that I posted that I "know nothing about computers" makes just about zero sense. I've dealt with computers since 1965 forgawdsake, and know quite a bit about them. My knowledge of IT stuff is, of course, dwarfed by Ugly's.

They must also deal with their own histories. Beth, for example, suddenly "remembered" a few months ago that I am... ta da... "Jewish." When confronted with the truth, she immediately backed down presumably because she couldn't quickly think of a Plan B.

You may have noticed Beth's reference above to "not what *WE* recall" [emphasis added]. That relates to another tactic "they" use... the Gang Attack. They apparently believe that if two or more people say the same idiotic thing, it's somehow more believable. In this case, Cindy jumped in claiming that (with magical "total recall") she saw exactly the same comments by me. (She never clarified *which* version of the story Beth was "absolutely correct" about.)

In a side note, if you rely on an admitted liar and hater of your opponent for support of your memory, you're in deep poop.

AOL Pharmacy

This was sent to me, and it settled a suspicion I've always had about Two Ton. I've heard a lot of rumors her apartment looks like a mini pharmacy with all the 'script bottles. Heard tales of her being in bed for days at a time, her yellow skin, and slurring on the phone. Could never understand her behavior until now, all the lies, stalking, threats of violence, delusions, etc.

Venous clots are formed due to one of two main reasons: 1) immobility, and 2) genetic errors in the clotting mechanism.

Immobility: Most commonly, when the body stops moving, the risk of blood clots increases, since muscle movement is required to pump blood towards the heart. Stagnant blood in a vein is prone to clot.

The American way is to live a life of luxury. Sit on your arse all day long, eating crap foods and not exercising at all and you'll get blood clots and all sorts of issues. Then pop a pill to make it all better, and blame anyone but yourself for your weight and health.

"Smackdown: Bonnie vs. Zeeke"

(Written 3/8/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)

Excitement has been peaking as the smackdown tonight between Zeeke and Bonnie has drawn near. Huge bets have been placed. The trash-talking is at fever pitch. The combatants have finished their training. The Ring Girls are prepped.

As fight time nears, let's take a few minutes to look back on the recent developments...

Negotiations

Initially it was thought that no one could pull this match off because of the obvious physical differences. (Because this article is fictional, I conveniently assumed that Bonnie's knees are fine.) Zeeke's 150-lb. weight advantage was thought to be way too much to overcome. But then someone (ahem...) came up with the idea of creative handicaps and compensations.

So, after much haggling, there are two offsets. First, Zeeke will be required to wear 5" Stripper Heels. And second, Bonnie can wield a steel shaft 5-iron. That brought the odds down to dead even.

And because they both have the lung capacity of the average 80-year-old, the bout was reduced to three 90-second rounds with two minutes between rounds. Oxygen will be readily available.

The Weigh-In

Although the weigh-in was the usual mishmash of posturing and trash talk, there were a couple of notable stats. Much to Zeeke's chagrin, the new stat of Body Mass Index (BMI) was added. Let's just say that too many mashed taters with butter gets you to "morbidly obese" in a flash.

Also, Bonnie was surprisingly trim, indicating that she had done some serious training.

The Forum

The parking lot at Remingtons night club was chosen even though it's Zeeke's "home." Bonnie agreed figuring it was more likely to lead to Zeeke being "piss drunk" for the fight.

The crowd began to form around the make-shift ring 30 minutes before the 9 p.m. start. Zeeke's side (all 7 of them) was clustered around his corner as were Bonnie's to hers. The other 150 spectators (50 AOLers who didn't give a crap who wins but were there for the FREE BEER, and 100 random Remingtons drunks) were scattered nearby.

Shortly before 9, Zeeke came wobbling out of the bar area, looking rather unsteady on the pink Stripper Heels but resplendent in jeans, sneaks, and a green muscle shirt. Bonnie wore no-nonsense shorts, tank top, and steel-toe worker boots.

The crowd was rather unruly, cursed loudly, and had repeatedly toasted random events for the prior 30 minutes.

Final Comments

Zeeke: "I'm gonna kick the @#$$% out of the God@#$^ Bi@#$&."

Bonnie: "I'm gonna shove this 5-Iron up his ass."

In the Ring

The fighters snarled a bit at each other, but they both forgot about the "stare down." So, the crowd booed because the stare down is often the best part of such fights.

The referee read the list of the rules: "There are no rules." The fighters returned to their corners.

Ring Girl #1 (Beth) sauntered around the ring in her spanking new cheerleader outfit. (Sorry about the spanking imagery. Oh wait... no, I'm not sorry. She could use a good one.)

Round #1

At the bell, Zeeke's strategy quickly became clear. He was planning on bull charging Bonnie and flattening her like a pancake.

But alas, Zeeke hadn't practiced at all in his Stripper Heels. (And possibly, they're not built for his kind of bulk.) So, with his second step, a heel gave way, throwing Zeeke off balance into a headfirst dive, then a roll ending up with him spread-eagled at Bonnie's feet. Well, la te da, she thought as she slammed a steel toe into his nads.

Zeeke spent the rest of the first round curled into a fetal ball crying for his momma. The Guys in the audience all had their legs tightly crossed with their hands covering their laps.

Bonnie circled Zeeke warily figuring he was probably just playing his "mind fuck" game. Trust me, he wasn't.

Round 1 Result: Bonnie the clear winner.

Round #2

Ring Girl #2 RedSkyBay was quite the sight in a lovely and skimpy minidress, but many were disappointed by her *still* keeping her face covered.

Zeeke came out of his corner slowly *this* time, wearing a heavy cod piece over his jeans but still jerking apprehensively every time Bonnie feinted in that direction.

They circled each other most of the round, with Bonnie twirling the 5-iron menacingly while derisively taunting Zeeke with, "Whatsamatter, Da Nuts hurting??? HAHAHAHA!" Zeeke, while still in obvious pain, was mostly trying to figure out to semi-walk on one Stripper Heel.

The crowd started booing at the inactivity about a minute into the round. Zeeke responded by knocking Bonnie down with a surprisingly well executed slide up side kick. But he was unable to take advantage before the bell rang to end the round.

Round 2 Result: Zeeke the clear winner.

Round #3

Eyore was a splendid vision as Ring Girl #3 in a stunning mix & match bikini off the pages of the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition.

The crowd was yelling a mix, too, of boos, catcalls, "More Beer!" and various Yo' Momma jokes.

Both fighters were very intense as the final round started, and clearly wanted not only to win the fight but to crush the other. Zeeke was moving better, but still clearly bothered by what appeared to be a sprained ankle. Bonnie was huffing and puffing a bit from waving the 5-iron around.

Zeeke started the action by ducking under the 5-iron and putting a furious block into Bonnie's left side knocking her into the ropes and onto the canvas. Zeeke celebrated by climbing the ropes and regaling his 7 fans with obligatory chest thumping. That caused a fair amount of wheezing, and he also failed to notice that Bonnie was faking it.

Bonnie jumped up and crushed the side of Zeeke's knee with a solid blow of the head of the 5-iron. He fell off of the ropes howling in pain. As Zeeke tried to stand up, Bonnie raked his face with her tough, sharpened fingernails. Being bloodied and bowed seemed to only make Zeeke madder.

Zeeke blindly reached out and happened to grab one of Bonnie's ankles. He yanked on it, flipping her backwards onto the canvas. Zeeke jumped on top of her and sat on her chest, pinning her arms with his knees. Thinking he could now pound Bonnie senseless, he reached way back to launch a devastating blow and then...

DING DING DING

Soooooo,who won???

We just wanted to extend a congratulations

Isn't she sexy?

"Lifelong Friendships"

(Written 3/1/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)

As I pondered joining my fraternity 44 years ago, the phrase "Lifelong Friendships" barely even entered my thoughts. The brothers had heavily promoted it to us, but I was--like most 19-year-old guys living far from home--mulling over the much more important factors of beer, women, sports, parties, more women, etc.

But this past Saturday night, I was at my fraternity's annual dinner in Newark, DE after an absence of a few years. And after nearly a lifetime in it, the phrase now has great meaning to me.

I was always very involved in my fraternity beyond the parties and such. I met my first true love thru it... Cheryl. It gave me a good background for the job world. And I met so many good men. One of them is in the picture below on the right, with me, taken Saturday night.

Erv was a year younger, and from "lower, slower" Delaware. Despite our many differences, we became good friends. When I became President of the chapter, he was my treasurer and we both worked tirelessly at it. (He still calls me "my president," which always chokes me up a bit.) We worked closely together over the years on the fraternity including: attending a national convention in Vail, CO and regional ones (I was the District President); reforming the chapter when it had some serious problems; and serving on the house corporation to provide them with good housing and on the alumni association to raise funds.

We otherwise traveled entirely different paths in life. I was gallivanting all over the place looking for Idontknowwhat, while Erv stayed home in Delaware. He married his fraternity sweetheart, raised two wonderful kids, and established a good career in accounting. Erv has always been a good and decent man, and worked hard at life. That's the best thing I can say about another man.

Over the last couple of decades, he's been more closely-connected to the fraternity. But until a few years ago we've always gotten together at least a couple of times a year for fishing trips, golf, dinners, or just visits here and there.

And like Saturday night, we always catch up on family, the fraternity, each other, and much else. And we fondly recall the many memories we share...

For reasons I've never understood, I've always needed people in my life who can tell me I'm a good man despite whatever others say and whatever happens in my life. Within AOL World, for example, it's often been great women like Lady Exec and Ladyhawg (and even at one time, Beth). And until they died, it was Mom and my real brother.

But since I was 20, it's also always been Erv and a couple of the other fraternity brothers I've been privileged to know as "brothers in the bonds" who have served that role. I guess that's what "lifelong friendships" really mean and why my fraternity has always been so important to me...

"Tough Choice: Blu-Ray DVD or 180 MPH"

(Written 2/25/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)

I had ignored the bleatings from my debit card company about their "Relationship Rewards" program since I signed up for it a couple of years ago. I know I'm lousy at those freebies. I seldom get around to doing anything about a few bucks off on something I don't really want.

But one of their recent nagging reminders came along while I've been seriously thinking about buying a Blu-Ray DVD player. So I went to their site and found out that I've accumulated almost 25,000 "points." Being eternally a cynic, I figured that would buy me one of those uesless gadgets you see on late-night tv infomercials.

But I was darn near in shock to find out that I could buy a very nice Sony Blu-Ray player!

Giddy with buyer delight, I checked out the other types of "rewards." There were FREE dinners, weekends, gift cards, appliances, tools, and much much more. But then I noticed the "experiences" category and got hooked.

There, for just 20,000 points, was a long-time fantasy of mine: "Stock Car Racing Ride Along." I began salivating as I read along:

"Go Stock Car Racing on these amazing super speedway tracks. You will ride along with a professional for 3 exciting laps. Taken to speeds up to 180 mph by a professional driver, you'll experience the thrill of racing from the passenger seat of an authentic NEXTEL Cup Stock Car."

Holy Crap, Batman! 180!!! mph.

So now I'm in a quandary. The eminently practical Blu-Ray DVD Player *or* 180 MPH!!!

What would YOU choose?

Personally, I started procrastinating when I saw the "Fighter Pilot for a Day" item. For *just* 199,000 points, I can spend a whole day "engaged in a minimum of 6 air-to-air combats" in a REAL "light attack fighter"! That makes 180 mph seem like chump change!

And I could call myself a really cool Topgun nickname. I guess I could go the AOL Guy SN route with something like "BallsOfSteel" or "JustCallMeTomCruise." But I'm honest, so I'd more likely go with "WettingMyPants" or "PukedAllOverMyself"!

'course, I'll be about age 75 by the time I accumulate that many points. So maybe I should just plan on having engraved on my headstone: "Died at Mach 2 With a Big Grin."

Memories

"Getting all Pissy About Camping"

(Written 2/20/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)

SxyMAFlAHlTWoman: I am laughing at you fools who even bring up campers i thinks its funny that you get pissed at ity
ChristopherK2: of course you do, Mafia...

It's recently gotten to the point that I don't have to even mention Camping to incite the Campers to defensive pissing and moaning.

Their tactics thus far involve virtually every form of deflective attack. Zeeke, for example, tries to minimize Camping by saying it's not as bad as being, say, a serial axe murderer. And Mafia's thought, above, is common, i.e, that they camp mainly to piss off people who dislike Camping, or because they "can." How sad...

They've even tried to say *I* camp in order to taint my credibility. But that's largely been limited to obvious lies by Ham, and Perky and Cindy trying to redefine Camping to include taking a BRB for a dump or a cig.

Such intellectual bankruptcy is not a problem for them.

They never, of course, actually try to defend Camping. They know as well as everyone else that it makes it very difficult for others to get into the room, and reduces the chat at times to a crawl. As I write this, for example, it's late Sunday morning and just three people have been chatting for the last 30 minutes or so. The screen is barely moving. Coincidentally (chuckle, chuckle) two of them are serious Campers.

I sometimes wonder... do any of them ever really make the connection?

Camping when the room is full is rude, arrogant, selfish, and grossly inconsiderate. That's why I don't do it; it's why they do. And it's why they get all pissy when I hold up a mirror to them. They know I'm right.

Last names

Is it common to be married and give your child your maiden last name?

"The Next 'Big Story' "

Sorry fan club. My father-in-law died. Just got in from Vancouver.

"The Next 'Big Story' "
(Written 2/11/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)

Over the past couple of months, the 'Big Story' has come to dominate the chat room. This is because everyone is finally getting bored stupid saying the same old crap to everyone else 10 times a day. So when a NEW item floats up from the sewers, all the Drama Queens go after it like Eddie Murray in his heyday going have a high fast ball.

The latest ones are about Bob and Wendy blah blah blah, and Guy dancing with Nancy blah blah blah. I pay scant attention to all of these because they're invariably lies, half-truths, or just he said-she said stuff I don't care about anyway.

The half-life on a Big Story is about three days, so the room NEEDS new ones at least weekly. I'm thus offering the following not just as educated guesses, but to fill in the gaps when we're jonesin' for a new Big Story.

"Bonnie and Zeeke admit to secretly having a love child together."

"Guy requires just ONE example of something he did wrong."

"Pikle gets a really cute perm."

"Auto has the runs."

"Felony pays a whole $1.00 for something on AOL."

"Perky and Alan have 3 cross words, then make up."

"Sunnie gets caught peeing on a tree."

"Zeeke leaves the room for 7 minutes."

"Mike meets Vomit in person, turns around, and cuts an enormous fart in his general direction."

"Ham actually pays for one of her drinks."

"Pretty begins dating her third Ken in a row."

"Bob admits he's not really a trucker, but just loves to hitchhike all over the place."

"Mensa returns... sees what an ugly room looks like from the other side... leaves."

"After ignoring the last 25,000 insults from Zeeke, Prancer finally responds... with a yo' momma joke."

"I Am the Borg"

(Written 2/8/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)

I'm beginning to empathize more each day with The Borg, the cybernetically-enhanced humanoid villains in the Star Trek series. I've used more artificial devices than I care to think about. And it only gets worse over time.

Although some of the things stuck in or on me are due to age, most are due simply to a less than perfect body to start with. So, thank you oh-not-so-splendid gene pool.

My first Enhancement was when I was a teenager, with braces. I should've smelled the future when the dentist said my mouth was too small and my teeth too big. But noooooooooo...

I began to sense my body's betrayal tendencies, though, when I was 23 and bought a semi-custom made suit. The tailor was required to check each of my measurements against some table, then double-check it if a measurement was off from normal by a certain amount. He had to double-check ALL of them. My body's a mess, always has been. For example, why do my shoulders slope at *different* angles???

That body weirdness also recently led to Body Enhancement #2--orthotics in my shoes to cope with my right leg being considerably shorter than my left. Before that (since age 30), I had to have heel lifts put in all new shoes.

Body Enhancement #3--eyeglasses--has been a major life hassle since about age 25. Your vision changes every few years after about age 40, so, regular exams, new glasses, etc.

Body Enhancement #4 happened about 5 years ago. My gene pool destines me to dental problems. I had to have a dental implant. Just picture taking your portable drill with a 1/4" bit, flip it upside down, and drill a nice hole into your lower jaw. Then stick a receptacle in the hole, and turn a screw with a fake tooth into that. Props to whomever invented Novocain! I also have a bridge (I think it's called), and will surely someday need more drastic measures.

I voluntarily started Enhancement #5 a few years ago--a wrist brace to help prevent carpal tunnel syndrome problems. I figured it was a small inconvenience to prevent more serious cybernetic stuff down the road.

Enhancement #6 is compression socks, which I started wearing a few months ago to help with fluids gathering around my feet and ankles. My sympathies to any woman who has ever worn pantyhose. I feel your pain!

My most recent, Enhancement #7, is an elbow brace. Apparently you're NOT ALLOWED at my age to jam an 18" screwdriver into large root balls 500 times in a day to loosen them.

My next Enhancement will probably be orthopedic shoes. My feet were flat from Day 1, began making flopping noises on the floor when I was about 15, and recently became nearly dead flat owing to age.

I eagerly await a future filled with stents & valves, false teeth, and--if I'm really lucky--titanium hips!

"We are the Borg. Resistance is futile. We will assimilate you."

Sleepless in Sebastian?

The walking dead spotted in Sebastian, FL?

"How to Incite Rants in the Chat Room"

(Written 2/1/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)

Apparently it's fairly easy to incite a bunch of people in the chat room into ranting at you for quite awhile. Who knew?

As many of you probably know, we have a big problem with Campers in the room... as many as 25 at a time. It not only makes getting into the room difficult, but often reduces the amount of chat in the room to a minimum. I think Camping is rude, selfish, and grossly inconsiderate.

So, I've changed my usual greeting to, " 'evening Bots, Campers , and other Roomies..." When I used it last night, you would've thought I had kicked a puppy in front of everyone. Campers (mostly Zeeke and his Zombies) came out of their caves en masse for an attack. About half a dozen of them ranted at me for 15 minutes or so. Curiously, none of them defended camping. How's that old saying go, "If you can't defend the action, attack the person."

I've seen other simple sentences set off simultaneous rants by several people. They include:

"Hi." (by any newbie)

"Zeeke is (insert stupid, ugly, fat... yada yada)."

"How about that (Bob/Bonnie/Zeeke), huh?"

"(Zeeke/Bonnie/Bob/Rose) said the following disgusting thing 9/20 years ago!"

"Yo momma..."

"I fondly remember the good ol' days in here."

Please feel free to add your favs...

It has come to my attention

That Pretty has now accused someone of breaking into her home and stealing her BGE account information which was past due. Saw what? Must be some good opium going around in Bel Air.

What's good for the goose

is not good for the gander. Only the goose is allowed to stalk, give out personal information, and encourage others to harass the person offline. Please send more items like this so we can continue to expose the emotionally disturbed.

"The State of the Chat Room"

(Written 1/28/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)

I decided to NOT follow Obama's themes in writing this. So you'll see no list of Big Problems with suggested Big Solutions, but with no way to pay for them. I'll follow columnist Bob Greene's lead and write instead about the ordinary people (not mere "fonts") who more clearly represent the State of the Chat Room, and their stories.

It's easy to rant about this cult or that clique. I do so often enough. But each "side" in the room is comprised of only 10 or so people, and yet they get the bulk of the attention. We tend to forget that there are now about 150 roomies, and the other 125 or so simply don't give a crap about the general ugliness.

My best example is ImCeeg... Cheryl. Cheryl joined the room a year or so after I did, and I met her at Champions in September, 1997. She's a very hard-working surgical nurse, raised four kids, and took care of her mom as she aged then finally passed away late last year. We spent many a fun times together at Clark's and other AOL hangouts, and I visited her in the hospital after a surgery. Cheryl's not a part of any of the current groups in the room, and gets along well with everyone. She's a great lady, smart, and fun. She did, however, quit the room for a few years because of the ugliness, so I'm sure she still doesn't like it.

I may be overstating her as an example, but like most, Ceeg seems to come into the room for an hour or so here and there to pleasantly chat with her buds and whomever happens to be available. She's otherwise way too busy with "life."

And aren't most of us? The vast majority go to work every day, and many have a spouse and raise kids. Some, as Ceeg did, also have to deal with aging parents. Others go to school part-time to improve themselves, and so on. And ALL of that... all of "life" is far more important than *anything* hateful that's said in a chat room. I sometimes forget that, and get a bit carried away myself. But I've kept it in mind about other people, and I've been continually fascinated to read in the room about how people's lives progress.

So, a few examples...

Marriages, Childbirths, etc.

These mini-lists probably aren't complete, so feel free to add to them.

Weddings--The only marriage I noticed in 2010 was Alan and Perky's. Hooray for them! They win the award for Room's Happiest Couple!

Divorces--The only one I noticed in 2010 was... well... MINE. Not sure if that merits a Hooray! or a Boo!

Births--The only births I saw mentioned in 2010 were to Chelle, and Cindy's grandchild. Hooray for them! Perky suggested I include Ham's "grand dog," so okay.

Deaths--Alas, there were three deaths in the group in 2010. Two of them were former roomies. Dartman655 (Robert Needle) died 11/1/10 at age 49 from complications of diabetes. TAZ350mph (Jon Arntzen) died 11/28/10 at age 43 from a heart attack. And we also lost one then-current roomie. Rixroost (Richard Johns, Jr.) died 8/7/10, age unknown (but OLD) from cancer. The only one I had met, Taz/John, was a very nice guy and a delight to be around. All are missed...

Newbies--This has been a weakness of the room for the last couple of years largely because "some" people attack newbies shortly after they arrive. The only ones I know who stuck it out in 2010 are Eyore, Jnr, and Felony. Hooray for them!

Returnees--We've recently picked up a couple of returning old-timers, Mdphoto (was AKA BrakeF) and ImCeeg. I will include Mensa, just because I can, although she really returned in late 2009. Hooray for them, and Welcome Back! I'm not sure whether Crabb returned in 2010 or 2011, but she's clearly a "Boo for you, and please leave again... SOON."

Gone, or almost so--This is probably my most inaccurate and incomplete list. Maybe some are just in the room at different times than I am. I know that Chitty moved south (TN?) and is seldom around anymore. To her, I add the following: A11waysanangel, Alzippity, Billb31970, BOO9989, Bychlips3471, CallMeHope, Chyandqt2, Curvvettee, DundalkBadGirl, FROSTKING9, KATNIP631, KIRK CAPT, NakeyMan, Padur1212, Sassystillhere, Sylvar Firestorm, Toadsrock123, and TSUFugazi.

A quick look at those lists clearly shows that people leaving the room way outnumber the new arrivals. So, the number of active roomies continues to shrink rapidly. People rarely announce their reasons for leaving, although I obviously have a few thoughts on that.

Socialization

General room social functions have died off totally except for the occasional funeral. There are, however, many gatherings of Zeeke and his Zombies, including a camp out and a picnic-type one. So, a begrudging Hooray for them!

Not So Expensive Solutions

I really don't have any that I haven't expressed often enough before. Drama queens remain so until they're gone-. Let me just leave you with this quote, from Bill Clinton's State of the Union speech in 1995 after his party took a beating the year before:

"Our civil life is suffering in America today. Citizens are working together less and shouting at each other more. The common bonds of community which have been the great strength of our country from its very beginning are badly frayed."

That is very descriptive of our room's present. Its future, however, remains very uncertain as I write this. And that saddens me deeply...

Behold, the pageant contestants are entering

What would life be without gorgeous and sexy ladies?

Like Cindy Ton Ton Lois the Beaver



Shirley the enabler, 4 chin Nancy

































Party Girl Pantry

I'm so hot like a Cadaver Rose





Perky the Pig
Rose and Ham with Dunlaps














Bleached Blonde Lynzzy

Sour Puss Diane
Patty's 12 year old picture

Ladies grab your men

Hubba Hubba, we have some fine (cough cough) looking men here who look like they are about to murder their mother, don't we?

The Clock

How many hours a day do you think the following people spend typing in the room? (Yet they all say they don't).

Zeeke
Ham
Pantrygal
Patty
Lynnzy
Nancy
Rose
Cindy
Vomit
Pikle

Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" Speech

... Let us not seek to satisfy our thirst for freedom by drinking from the cup of bitterness and hatred. We must forever conduct our struggle on the high plane of dignity and discipline. ...

I say to you today, my friends, that in spite of the difficulties and frustrations of the moment, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American Dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: "We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood. ...

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin, but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!

I have a dream that one day... little black boys and black girls will be able to join hands with little white boys and white girls as sisters and brothers...

I have a dream that one day... the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. ... With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood. With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together... to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day...

And if America is to be a great nation this must become true. So let freedom ring from the prodigious hilltops of New Hampshire. Let freedom ring from the mighty mountains of New York. Let freedom ring from the heightening Alleghenies of Pennsylvania. Let freedom ring from the snowcapped Rockies of Colorado. ...

From every mountainside, let freedom ring.

When we let freedom ring, when we let it ring from every village and every hamlet, from every state and every city, we will be able to speed up that day when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of that old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, we are free at last."


Rev. Martin Luther King
Delivered on the steps at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C. on August 28, 1963.
Posted to the UglierMarylanders blog 1/17/11 by ChristopherK2

"Top 10 Changes I'd Have to Make to be Like Zeeke"

(Written 1/12/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)

It's often said by Zeeke and the Zombies that I'm jealous of Zeeke. Well, let's see... how would I have to change to be like Zeeke?

I would have to...

10. shrink an inch and pack on 75 extra pounds, and switch my "tall, slim" classy wardrobe to mortifying green muscle shirts and other clothes in size XXXL.

9. trash the six diplomas I received after high school (especially the law degree).

8. forget all of the related knowledge and experience I've acquired in engineering, math, business, law, economics, investments, insurance, the sciences, etc.

7. figure out how to cuss at and insult people in an AOL chat room for 5+ hours a day without boring myself stupid.

6. replace my gorgeous, nice, much younger fiancee with "tearing up pussy" on the weekends.

5. get caught doing several disgusting or violent acts, as well get a 2nd divorce, to match his ugly MD Judiciary Site record.

4. purge most of my vocabulary and my understanding of grammar, spelling, and punctuation.

3. pretend I like "Bean Spiller" Beth, "Everyone's Now Welcome" Ponie, "N-Bomb" Vomit/Pikle, and the other Zombies.

2. develop an apparently unquenchable thirst for cheap beer.

And the Number 1 Change I'd Have to Make to be Like Zeeke is to...

1. lower my IQ about 50 points.

More stalking from Cindy?

Why is Cindy driving to Edgewood to stalk Bob and his girlfriend in a truck?

"The Cancer of Racism Spreads through the Zombies"

(Written 1/8/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders blog)

It used to be only Vomit who launched N-word bombs, and only Zeeke who spewed anti-Semitism (as far as I remember, at least). But lately it's become more popular in Zombie World. And it's now showing up in the early morning usually-otherwise-nice chat, as seen in these excerpts from this morning.

Xalan39o3x: joe [Biden] is a good guy
PikleSpllAisle6: go green
PikleSpllAisle6: I like him
Xalan39o3x: too bad he hooked up with that dumb n*****
PikleSpllAisle6: he was thinking "someone will shoot him"
Xalan39o3x: perhaps
ChristopherK2: Oooooo... a disguised N-Word.

PikleSpllAisle6: I think once iran tests one, the jews will end it
Xalan39o3x: why, north korea gets away with it
PikleSpllAisle6: pakistan has unsecured nukes
PikleSpllAisle6: wait till they get ahold of them
PikleSpllAisle6: bombs away
Xalan39o3x: happiness is a warm gun
PikleSpllAisle6: shoot shoot bang bang
PikleSpllAisle6: just like "woman, is the nigger of the world"
PikleSpllAisle6: he was high
Xalan39o3x: ive learned from our darker brothers, i got a looting list all filled out

PikleSpllAisle6: poor me
PikleSpllAisle6: poor you
PikleSpllAisle6: blah blah blah
PikleSpllAisle6: send cash money
Xalan39o3x: joo's
PikleSpllAisle6: west palm joos
PikleSpllAisle6: funny stuff
PikleSpllAisle6: I never see orthodox joos, just jackie gleason joos
Xalan39o3x: we need a new crown heights
Xalan39o3x: remember that?
PikleSpllAisle6: the town I was born in outside boston is nothing but orthodox now
PikleSpllAisle6: its still a nice town
Xalan39o3x: i can smell the salmon from here
Xalan39o3x: all we need is the mexicans to join up with the joo's and we're done
ChristopherK2: WB Auto... sit back and watch the racists rant.
Xalan39o3x: me too..........u should see our new bathroom!!
Automotive1: k
PikleSpllAisle6: I still find india indinans spooky
Xalan39o3x: yes
PikleSpllAisle6: like muslims
Semisweet2taste: ohh good
PikleSpllAisle6: spooky mother fuckers
Xalan39o3x: yeah they are

For those of you not familiar with Alan's "crown heights" reference, it relates to a very serious three-day riot in 1991 between Jews and African/Caribbean Americans in a section of Brooklyn, NY. It was started by an automobile accident in which a Guyanese child was killed by a car driven by an Orthodox Jew. One Orthodox Jew was killed during the riot, and there were many other serious injuries (including 152 police officers) and lots of property damage. A Brandeis University historian later called it "the most serious anti-Semitic incident in American history."

So, Alan is hoping for another ugly riot in which Jews are killed by African Americans, and cops and others are seriously injured? How nice... Martin Luther King, Jr., on the other hand, dreamed of "when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing... "Free at last! Free at last! Thank God almighty, we are free at last."

Curiously, Perky didn't respond to any of those disgusting comments by either her hubby or Pikle. I guess she considers ugly racism and anti-Semitism as just "fonting." And Beth would probably say they were said just for "shock value" and not their "true beliefs."

Ya'right... ((cough, cough))

Record Number of visitors

900 today.

Just think, that's about the amount of visitors to Zeeke's site all year. We rock!

"My Love/Hate of Holidays"

(Written 1/3/11 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)

As many of you know, I was raised in a small town back in the era best captured by Norman Rockwell paintings. Each of the then holidays (this was before disgusting crap like President's Day) was celebrated by everyone I knew in pretty much the same way. And the more major the holiday, the more uniform was the celebration. This sameness is also part and parcel of tradition, and I'm nothing if not traditional. So, the holidays have long given me great comfort as they have come and gone over the decades.

But also, shit happens in life...

Valentine's Day--Long my fav holiday because it's all about romance. Hearts, flowers, candy... great stuff. It sucks somewhat if you're not IN a romantic relationship at the moment, but even then it's still a reminder of what can be and what once was.

But also... my dad died on Valentine's Day just before I turned 7. I still have no idea how Mom managed to raise me to believe so strongly in the positive values of the day. And yeah, of course, I still think about Dad then.

Memorial Day--A somber and bittersweet holiday for those my age. Everyone I knew had dads and/or uncles who served during World War II, and I had two aunts who served. Many of us lost one of them. My near-identical twin Uncle Mike died in the invasion of Normandy. I've written extensively about that on the AOL message boards, and still post something about it every Memorial Day.

And nearly everyone my age has close relatives whose graves have military markers. The first one I vividly remember was for one of my aunts, who received a full military burial. The haunting notes of "Taps" strongly affect me even now. And I still have the flag given to Mom after my brother's funeral...

Father's Day--A great holiday IF you still have a dad or are one. I was a stepfather for seven years and loved every Father's Day during that period. I still have and treasure the "World's Greatest Dad" ballpoint pens they gave me.

But also... my big brother... who was so important in my life... died on Father's Day at his age 56.

So, I now essentially try to pretend that holiday no longer exists.

July 4th--When I was a kid, this was mainly a neighborhood-by-neighborhood celebration. One of the neighbors would head south to buy a huge supply of "illegal" fireworks, we'd spend the evening setting off *real* fireworks, a friendly cop would stop by 'cause some anonymous sourpuss complained and the cop would tell us to "keep it down" then leave, and we'd start blasting away again. Great times, especially for guys, and it probably started my love of "blowing up stuff."

Later, the holiday became for me synonymous with the Beach Boys on The Mall in DC... great music, an unbelievable fireworks display up close, and 500,000+ of your closest friends.

But also... I was married on July 5th, which turned out to be a very bad idea after we split. Kinda somewhat ruined that holiday thereafter...

Thanksgiving and Christmas--I have tons of great memories of both of these holidays. But they are mainly for family, especially children. For a childless orphan with no siblings, great memories must often suffice.

New Year's Eve/Day--We guys love the college football games, of course, although spreading them out to include *other* days is just plain heresy. Harumph! As to NYE, I really don't have many memories of it one way or the other.

Rumors are they true?

Anyone know the scoop on her sudden move? Was it an eviction?

Does toofless have a new entry on his long long judiciary court record after his drunken clan festivities?

Isn't this what contradictory

to the Zombie laws of it's only entertainment? Wouldn't Cindy call this taking stuff offline?

What a psycho. I do believe someone should let the Delaware health system know of this woman since she indeeds to do patient care.

"Who Knew that the Zombies Pay Dues?"

(Written 12/30/10 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)

My sources deep within the Zeeke Cult recently provided me with the poop on what the Zombies have to pay for being in the Zeeke Cult.

It doesn't seem like much at first glance, but the aggregate totals are impressive. Their dues come in several parts.

1. $1.00 an hour for being active in the room, up to a maximum of $7 per day.
2. A flat $50 per month. (There are ongoing discussions about $200 per month "Gold Key Memberships.")
3. A $1.00 surcharge on each drink at designated "piss drunk" events.
4. An offset of $1 for each disparaging comment posted on this blog about me, Bob, Bonnie, or RedSky (5 word minimum; maximum of 5 comments per day).

The fascinating part is where those monies go:

1. The $1.00 per hour while active in the room goes entirely to Zeeke. While that may not sound like much, if all the Zombies are fully active every day, it would work out to $20,440/year. It also explains why he doesn't have time for a real job. But unfortunately, the total pay for him for 2010 was just $12,500.

2. The flat $50/month is for "Miscellaneous Expenses," which so far has been used solely to pay off Zeeke's legal bills. (You didn't buy his hooey about the NRA footing the bill, did you?)

3. The drink surcharge is split evenly between Zeeke and Ham so they can get "piss drunk" for free.

The offset for nasty comments on this blog has become a growing problem because of the recent enormous increase in them. Some Zombies have figured out that if they just type a few moronic words every now and then while Zeeke's on another mind-numbing rant they can substantially reduce their bills.

The discussions at Cult meetings about fees and expenses have become heated at times. At one, for example, the hostilities started when Zeeke said he wanted to upgrade from 7-11 Game Day beer to Olde Frothingslosh ("the pale stale ale"). Ugly allegations about "living in the lap of luxury" were hurled about. Zeeke's usual "But *I* am The Man!" mantra was met by Ham's "BlahBlahBlah," which caused Zeeke to throw a hissy fit and storm out in a huff.

So, basically, Zeeke's AOL Job pays $12,500 per year plus FREE BEER and no legal costs. Not bad pay for cussing all day long at Bonnie and Guy! But it also means that Zeeke may have to get a REAL job to maintain his rather minimal lifestyle unless the Zombies up the ante. Til then, he'll have to continue to wear those mortifying green muscle shirts to nightclubs.

A picture speaks a thousand words

How can someone that looks like this be happy at all?

"Confession is Good for the Soul; Lying Isn't"

(Written 12/27/10 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders blog)

In addition to whatever moral problems lying causes, its practical effects are obvious. No one believes you later when it's important to you that they do.

For example, last night in the room Cindy admitted to lying about the whole Bob and Facebook thing. When I called her on it, she tried to weasel out of it but really just affirmed it. There was no "whoops, I didn't mean THAT" or other feeble attempt at denial, just the reflexive "don't speak to me" mantra.

If Cindy wants to see where lying leads, just look at Zeeke. He lies frequently, badly, and without remorse. So, of course, no one now believes anything he says about anyone.

And no one's fooled by "I swear on my life (THIS time)" oaths. We all read Aesop's "The Boy Who Cried Wolf" fable when we were children.

Cindy32863: OK> I have to admit something
Cindy32863: some already knew this
Cindy32863: umm I was NEVER one bob's FB...not did ANYONE I know go on his FB>>I just wanted to watch him make a fool of himself LOL
TheZeekEffect: lololol..
Cindy32863: and he did it SOO well = )
TheZeekEffect: it worked
Cindy32863: and that I swear on my life = )
RUFFSTUFFROB69: cindy your the laughing stock
Cindy32863: lmao NO BOB. that would be you dear

Cindy32863: you were played..and played oohhh soo well
Cindy32863: lmao
ChristopherK2: Cindy--So, essentially, you lied?
RUFFSTUFFROB69: yes she lied and that's ok chris
Cindy32863: or am I lying now?
Cindy32863: the world shall never know = )
ChristopherK2: We just know that you lied, then or now?
Cindy32863: K2..seriously. go play on the little blog and dont speak to me

"Sometimes they open their mouths simply to change their feet."

(Written 12/26/10 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders blog)

I had the following exchange early this morning in the room with Alan and his bride, Perky. I'll give them credit for being rather quick at changing their stories. And Alan wisely shut up and let Perky try to defend him.

Xalan39o3x: k2 farts cum
ChristopherK2: Oh, so Alan's the Zombie who posts on the blog. I wondered...
Xalan39o3x: i never blog
Xalan39o3x: must be another fan
Perkyonex2: (((((((((((((((((((((((( Honey FONT))))))))))))))))))))))) stop blogging
Perkyonex2: but I love you anyway
ChristopherK2: "I never read the blog. I just comment on it, critique it, etc."
ChristopherK2: (Did Perky just rat out her hubby?)
Perkyonex2: No..I just went with the flow of conversation....and if YOU say he's blogging ..he MUST be bloggin
ChristopherK2: Surrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrre...
ChristopherK2: Nice backpedal...
Perkyonex2: I don't backpedal
Perkyonex2: I just go with the flow
ChristopherK2: Right...

Helping those who seem hopeless to help

Written 12/22/10 by RedSkyBay for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)


I was in the chat room one evening and gave Cindy some good, sound advice. It seems Cindy is going to give her toddler grandson a puppy for Christmas. A puppy as a plaything, can you imagine? A puppy is a living, breathing creature, with feelings. Most anyone that has an ounce of sense knows the worse time to give a puppy as a gift is at Christmas. Call any shelter, they will tell you that their shelters fill up not long after Christmas, because the novelty of the puppy wears off. The puppy has accidents on the floor, needs attention, and then there are Vet bills.

And a puppy for a toddler? A toddler has no sense of responsibility. A person with any intelligence would wait until that child was old enough to learn responsibility. Then, if he or she showed that responsibility in his parents eyes, let him have a puppy, he earned it. Puppies get seriously injured every year by small children that don't understand that they are not toys.

As if that wasn't bad enough, there was another roomie that saw the pictures of the puppies, (we will just call her Poison Hemlock) and said she wanted a certain one by just looking at a picture. So much for meeting the puppy, seeing if they connected, and checking it's personality. Or seeing if that particular breed of dog fits into the Family's lifestyle. I will never understand the lack of intelligence some people show. It just sickens me to read stories of why so many dogs are in shelters, and the lack of consideration from the people that put them there.

Anyway, back to my story. Cindy was so angry and humiliated when I made a comment about the puppies, she went off on me. Calling me this name, that name, anything she could think of in her moment of rage. A few minutes later, Ruffstuff asked me if I saw the pictures of his dogs. When I replied I had, Cindy's sick brain went into motion. Cindy thought to herself...hmm..I bet RedSky saw Rob's pictures on his face book page. That had to be it!

So, Cindy desperate to get even an ounce of dirt on me after she was humiliated in the room, made up a fake Face book account, hoping I was one of Rob's friends. She made the persons occupation as that of a Trucker. (I'm trying not to laugh here, but it's hard.) Cindy, and her squirrel of a friend under Cindy's instructions, then invited Ruffstuff to be their friend under the brand new alias name, to get access to Rob's friends and their information. Cindy had it all figured out in her demented mind.
You were WRONG again Cindy. Imagine that!

As a friend of mine often says after visiting the room, "THOSE PEOPLE NEED THERAPY!"

Merry Christmas Cindy.

DOINKKKKKKKKKKKK!



The names used in this story are fictional, even though it would be hard to convince anyone with intelligence that they aren't.

"An Intervention for Zeeke"

(Written 12/15/10 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)

Zeeke's family and his one friend staged an intervention after Thanksgiving dinner because of their concerns for... well, themselves. This intrepid reporter was given a recording of the event by an anonymous source ["Bean Spiller" Beth].

Zeeke's Mom: Billy, there are a few things we've gathered together here to discuss with you. We love you, but we're deeply concerned with some parts of your life.
Zeeke's Brother: Why the fuck did some AOL woman mail ME a package with a frickin' liver inside of it??? WTF is WRONG WITH YOU!!!
Z's Mom: Now, now, we agreed to remain calm.
Z's Mom: Billy, one of our concerns is that people from AOL are coming after US because of their hatred for YOU. Who is this Bonnie person?
Zeeke: She's just another "AOL Victim" who can't take a joke. She's seriously nuts.
Z's Brother: Joke??? You've been verbally abusing her for almost 10 years, according to Christopher, and...
Zeeke: Christopher? You know ChristopherK2???
Z's Mom: Yes, we had lunch last week. He seems like a very nice man, very smart, and quite the gentleman. Nice teeth, too.
Zeeke: That ##$%& is a @#$&* faggy jooboy.
Z's Uncle Abraham: I beg your pardon!
Zeeke: Oh, sorry Uncle Abe, I forgot you were here.
Z's Mom: Where'd you learn THAT language!!! And who is that man who called me looking for you?
Zeeke: He's just another AOL Loser with a criminal record of nine felonies, mostly for beating up people and firearms violations. He's spent several years in prison and...
[Note: Zeeke's Mom faints. As Beth is helping to revive her, the discussion continues.]
Z's Brother: Now LOOK what YOU have done to Mom! We both know that I can beat your ASS, and trust me, I will unless...
Z's Mom: Stop it, boys. I'll be okay in a few minutes. Billy, we've been watching you on the widget for a few weeks and...
Zeeke: The widget?!?!?!
Z's Mom: Yes, that nice Christopher gave us the... what's it called... the link. It seems that every thing he has said about you is true.
Zeeke: If I ever see that @#@$#$%, I'm gonna...
Z's BFF Beth: Oh, stop that, Billy. Everyone knows that you're harmless and just full of hot air.
Z's Brother: I was amazed at how much time you spend talking in that chat room, at least five hours a day. What happened with your job?
Zeeke: Due to the tough economy, I was cut back to part-time about 18 months ago. I only work from 9 p.m. to midnight three nights a week.
Z's Mom: So, you didn't really need all that money I've given you because you knocked up a couple of girls?
Z's Brother: Mom!!! Watch your language!
Z's Mom: Oh, sorry, one too many eggnogs...
Z's Brother: And why haven't you gotten another job? I bet you could've found a good one IF you didn't spend so much time on AOL!
Zeeke: Bite me, "not so big" brother!

[Note: A brief fight ensues, Carlton pounds Billy to a bloody pulp, and Billy's tied to a chair and gagged.]

Zeeke's BFF Beth: Listen to me carefully, BillyBOY. You're killing my rep in the room. If you don't straighten up and soon, you ain't touching THIS ever again. I can always go back to Prancer, ya'know. And HE can dance, instead of whatever it is you do that looks like a headless frickin' chicken on uppers!

Z's Brother: And IF I or anyone else in the family gets another body part in the jail or another phone call from an AOLer, trust me, YOU will be VERY sorry "little" brother.

Z's Mom: Billy, really, we all love you and want what's best for you in life. But you're putting all of us in danger with your stupid AOL crap. You NEED to quit all that ugliness on AOL. Try being NICE instead, like Christopher. AND you NEED to get a REAL job. IF you don't do those by the end of the year, I *will* cut off your money.

[Zeeke's family and Beth then turn and leave in a huff. But they forgot one thing...]

Zeeke: mmmmmmmmmffffffff...

Note: This article is purely fictional, and any resemblance between names used herein and real people is purely intentional... errr... coincidental.

Help Please

I need to know more about this company.

http://www.lewcoinc.com/

Is she really this stupid?

"Taking the Paranormal Out for a Spin"

(Written 12/3/10 by ChristopherK2 for the Uglier Marylanders Blog)

My gene pool includes a few steps into the paranormal, mostly telepathy and such. My particular talent is suggestive thought-casting. I won't bore you with the "how" details, but basically I mentally send suggestions to do something to people, and surprisingly often they comply.

So, I decided to trot out my skills and test them on some of Zeeke's Zombies. Starting a few weeks ago, I occasionally suggested to some of them that they use some of MY thoughts about Zeeke in their constant attacks on Bonnie, Guy and others. I Zombiefied the Zombies.

The best results follow. The effect was strongest on Ham, probably because of lingering ties created during our prior friendship. Or maybe because of her obviously weakening relationship with Zeeke due to the whole dust-up over Pretty's party.

HamOnWryX2: this level of illiteracy and stupidity is painful to see [11/14, 1:13 p.m.]

PullmyPonieTail: and why is it, that it can be nice and calm in here, and when one ass makes a rude comment, no one can ignore it, they have to jump on it and start an argument. [11/6, 10:45 a.m.]

HamOnWryX2: some people just always have to be right, regardless of how foolish it is or the consequences [11/30]

NotWith0utAFight: The campers are killing this place. You can't get back in. [11/26, 3:50 p.m.]

HamOnWryX2: guy projects all his insecurities and fears and hate and shortcomings into others, then insults them... so he is actually insulting himself... he attacks in others what he hates and fears in himself... he's mostly a small minded, limited loser who wants to feel important [11/30, 12:27 p.m.]

Xalan39o3x (Perky): ok....a chatroom is not the place to try and shut people up
Xalan39o3x: this room is for CHATTING [12/2, 5:05 a.m.]

HamOnWryX2: blahblahblahmyobsessionblahblahkickadeadhorseblahblahblahnothingevernew [12/2/10]

Cry me some drama

Ugly is (drum roll please)

Hadn't visited chat in months. Quickly learned things I never knew from our moronic friend Cindy (who should never hold a position greater than a floor mopper.)

Well it is hunting season

but most hunt for animals, not Pam's.

Been smoking

The Zombies sure are full of class!

Drama Queen Cindy

Mike's in the chatroom making love and peace and Cindy has to start drama. And wasn't she posting some kids obituary not long ago?

And why is she saying the same thing about bring her grandson around Pretty? Who not only is a multiple convicted convict, but has lost custody of her kid.

What's your bet

how soon he returns to his shit?

Moron Alert

Ronnie gets truthful

Overseas

yet again. Expect slow service here.

TEAM toofless

Has team dropout looked at their teeth? Pictures soon